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Monday, March 29, 2010

Jealousy, the root of all Evil

Gentlemen, and I am speaking just to the husbands who have remarried and are victims of an Attack from an ex-wife in the form of Parental Alienation, Stand by and protect your Wife!

It will be very difficult for you to see and understand the events and changes that occur through this ordeal but having said that, one thing is very clear and that is to stand with and defend your new wife. She will be the target of this assault also and suffer greatly because of her new relationship with you. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. This is a huge problem and your chances of a loving and successful marriage, goes down, not up in your next attempt. Many factors play into this but without a doubt, your ex spouse will play a role in destroying your new relationship also.

Jealousy; Men have those feelings but I contend, and documentation will support, that women are more effected by this emotion that men. This emotion is evil and destructive. It has no place in your world or your mind. If you are harboring such feelings, cut them lose now before it ruins your life. Jealousy is a sin and one that no relationship can survive.

Jealousy is a major role in Parental Alienation. Your ex-spouse may have always felt intimidated by your success, by your friends, by your relationship with your family, and with your relationship with your own children. She most certainly will be jealous if you remarry to a woman that is bright, intelligent and whom people consider a very beautiful lady. If your ex is insecure with their own place in life, it will manifest itself with words and actions that attempt to cast you or your new wife as a failure in some aspect. This is a personality disorder where they cannot elevate themselves so they seek to mitigate and destroy your standing. In their mind, this brings you to their level or elevates them is some way. Again, this is a mental issue and one that WILL lead to PAS as they pursue this conduct with the children. Understand that in my case my ex filed many court declarations over a year’s time and 68 times she mentioned my new wife by name in her statements enraged lies. 179 times my ex referred to a money issue and only 6 times did she have any concern for the boys. Her main concern was with Money and then attacks against Jan. Even the court investigator referenced this in her findings (all public record). The psychologist that saw my ex, documented that she had an extreme anger problem and that the PA she was conducting, was the worse he had seen in his 26 years “over the top bad”! You may have a different view but I believe that this indicates where her mind was and is. Its leans toward evil with money and jealousy at the root and heart of it.

These are reasons you must recognize PA as soon as possible. You must discuss this with your spouse and inform yourselves of all the troubles and issues you will be facing. You as a father will attempt to be a peace maker as PA takes hold between your new wife and your children. Read the information in this blog and many others. Read the books about Divorce Poison and forms of PAS. Speak with your church members together. It is a must for your relationship to get support from friends and to raise your relationship with God. PA was documented in the Bible, read it, see its effects. You must stay united, and for you husband’s that love your children, taking a stand that seems against all you know about your children, will be very difficult!

Understand that they are victims also but you can be no help to them if you can’t maintain your relationship with your wife. Yes, you must understand that Children will also be jealous of the time and affection you show your new wife. Make sure you both spread the love around!

I am very proud of the woman I chose to re-marry to. In most every way, she is very different from my ex. Jan, my sons step mother is a very strong and independent woman that raised her 5 kids on her own with no support from her ex husband or from the state. She worked hard at raising and trading horses. She drove school bus and sold real estate. She opened her home to trouble youth by running a foster home for the most angry children in the system. Her efforts won her many awards for her outstanding service to those young people.

Jan was an exemplary mother figure for my 4 boys and had a huge positive effect on their lives, up until the point that their mother stepped up her Parental Alienation agenda and targeted Jan for her anger and abusive comments. As much personal pain as I felt from the effects of PA, the pain I felt for Jan was greater than my own. To see my ex wife attack Jan in such a way and to use the my own boys as a weapon against my new wife, caused me unbearable pain.

Jan was a very good mother to my sons. She help my youngest to read and grow to really enjoy reading. He became a great reader and a very good student because of Jan and her efforts to help him. She made a huge change in our lives as she showed us all what a loving wife and mother could be. She cared for us with great homemade meals and took the time and effort to make sure the boys learned how to cook and take responsibility to clean up after themselves also. She led the way in manners at the table by playing a game involving table manners at dinner time. She encouraged us all to be respectful and show politeness to adults and the public with her own words and actions. As a former standout sports star, she helped the boys understand the level of commitment and hard work that goes into physical achievement, that it is the effort and not some misguided verbal attacks on coaches or referees that make you a winner.

My new wife came into our marriage with her own savings and invested those moneys into her new family. One of the very 1st things she did was to buy 2 very well bred and very well trained horses for the two youngest boys because she wanted them on safe horses that they would enjoy. Jan bought the boys new bed room sets that they could be proud of before buying anything for herself. She took the boys with her on family visits (many times drove 6 hours one way to get Colton out to the ranch or pick him up) and vacations alone when I could not attend. She was the driving force behind our family camping, hunting and vacations. When I was away for my job, Jan would get up early and take Dakota out to his hunting spot. She even took them snowmobiling by herself when I could not be there. The boys could not have hoped to have a more supporting and involved mother. They benefited greatly with their time with Jan and with luck, they will carry those good memories and lessons with them the rest of their lives.

My sons grew to love and respect Jan very quickly. I believe that my ex became very jealous of this situation. A situation where they were speaking very highly of Jan to their mother and explaining all the new things she did for them. As documented from court declarations, their mother was not supportive of this and considered the boys views of their step mother as a direct threat to her own position as a mother. She began using PA as a weapon as an effort to destroy this growing relationship and therefore protect herself as the only good and true mother.

As a dumbfounded male, I was wondering why we couldn’t all just get along. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail I attempted to work with my sons mother. I asked her to attend the sports programs, to move into the school district, we (jan and I) asked the boys to sit with and speak with her at the games. We both encouraged the boys to be respectful of and mind their mother while at her house. Yet actions speak loader than words as she bought 7 cars, 2 houses, refused to drive the boys to sports practices and would go out partying at night while they were in her care. The boys had to wake up with strangers in the house and witness what their mother wrote to me in an e-mail “I have young men standing in line”. They complained about their clothes smelling like smoke, they were sadden (reported to an investigator) that their mother would go out at night 2-3 times a week while they were at her house (every other week). Perhaps her actions were in part my fault because when I divorced her for sleeping around, I gave her a lot of money, everything I could scrap together at the time. So much, that I was greatly indebt following the divorce but I never wanted anyone or my sons to insinuate that I was not fair in the settlement. I believe that my ex had no idea how to be responsible with those funds (sadly, she now teaches this pattern to the boys). Nightlife, parties and gambling consumed the entire sum and she filed bankruptcy. After that filing is where she started after the boys in earnest. She needed money and if she could get custody, she could live off the child support.

 Long here and getting off point.

Gentlemen, all I can say to you is to stand with your woman! As hard as this PAS is on you, understand that she also suffers greatly and that she needs you!

This has grown a little long and has not even touched the extent of my situation but I leave you today with one learned piece of advice. Love your wife, trust her, communicate with her and if forced to make a choice between her and your children that are being alienated, adore and love your wife! There may be nothing you can do right for your children under PSA but you can and must do right by your wife.

Trust in God and follow the word of the Bible. The Bible will give you the strength to deal with the problems and the wisdom to make the correct decisions.

Jan took Dakota and grand kids to the zooBoys having fun with Jans Grand kidsJan and boys at the fishing lake we rode intoJan took the boys for a ranch vacationJan enjoying snowmobling with the boysJan took the boys to a ranch danceJan with the boys Great GrandmotherJan and the boys having a great Colo tripFamily having fun outside in the sunJan, Dakota and Colton having fun riding4 boys having fun with Jan in the snowKaleb, Dakota and Colton having a blast with JanMe, Jan, Kaleb, Mom and Colton

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Yes, they are Mentally ill

Jan (stepmom) and the boys on one of many trips togethere.

Everyone needs to understand that the parent, be it a man or a women, that conducts in Alienation of children from the other parent is mentally ill. They have to be! No sane person would do such a thing. They have total disregard for their children and are consumed by hate and seeking revenge against their ex spouse for what they perceive as some wrong done to them. In some cases the Alienator has had a self esteem issue of their own since childhood. This leads to a future problem where even in a marriage they have a need to receive more affection from the kids than what the other parent has. They start PA very early with small remarks about say, the father is working and “dad just doesn’t have time for you now”, “leave your father alone, he has had a long day and doesn’t need you around right now” “Your dad is busy” “he missed your game because he has more important things to do”. They do this to instill in the children that they are the good and caring parent. This is how the mentally ill person builds up their self image in their own minds. This gives them a feeling of self worth by explaining to anyone that will listen, that they are better than their spouse in some way. This desire is again caused from low self esteem that most likely is deeply ingrained in the person. If you look back at the childhood of the PA parent, you will find a person who has never achieved any childhood dream (or as adults) on their own. They are by definition, failures. They were average to poor students, had few friends, and considered themselves above the others children as a defense mechanism.

This defense system worked well for them as children and, as adults in a stressful situation, we see it escalate again. You can hear them on the phone and in the grand stands. Anytime they have a chance you will hear them bad mouthing other people, coaches and players because their kid is being treated unfairly in some way. They won’t take the time to help their children increase their skills or better their game or study in class, because it is much quicker and easier to verbally assault the perceived offender. “Joey gets good grades because he is the teacher’s pet” “Marcy thinks she owns the team, that is why my Lynn doesn’t get to play” “Jeff is just too hard on the players, my son doesn’t like him and that is why Joe doesn’t get much playing time”.

It happens all the time and then you add in the big (D) and the person with a personality disorder, loses all self control and reasoning. They forget about what is good for the children and are consumed with their own image.

Remarry and the mentally ill person, perceives this as the last insult. Remarry to someone that your ex spouse is jealous of and you better be ready for war! They cannot see anything but their own rejection and that notion consumes them. Because they have such low regard for themselves, they will feel very threatened. (my friends like her more than me) (my kids like him more than me)(everyone thinks she is so pretty and they look so happy together) (sure, he takes them places but he doesn’t have to work like me). On and on and bla, bla, bla. In women, you will see them gain weight in an effort to comfort themselves with food or drink. They will dye their hair and put on fake tans in order to combat their own image of an inadequate body type.

Now the fight for the love of the children is in full swing and so is the Parental Alienation! I have no words of wisdom on how to stop this. It may be inevitable is most cases. The presents of close family members seems to be the try that holds the PA person at bay. Their own parents and relatives will see their attempt for what it is and for the most part, will step in to confront the untruths. But, separate the family by distance and all bets are off. The it becomes a matter of choosing sides and offering support.

More about jealousy, hate and root of all evil, money, in the next blog!

Check out the other links and informtion on those sites.



Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sir, life goes on, enjoy it

My Oldest son Josh helping me brand at the ranch our Daughter and son in law manage.

Below is a great letter I came across. I posted it here today in hopes that it will help a father whose heart is tearing out over the loss of his children. Sir, at times you must stop blaming yourself and just stop making left turns. Focus on all the good in life…even if you must take 3 right turns to go left 

My father never drove a car. Well, that's not quite right I should say I never saw him drive a car.

He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.

'In those days,' he told me when he was in his 90s, 'to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it.'

At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in: 'Oh, bull----!' she said. 'He hit a horse.'

'Well,' my father said, 'there was that, too.'

So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the Van Laninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none.

My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines , would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.

My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none. 'No one in the family drives,' my mother would explain, and that was that.

But, sometimes, my father would say, 'But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one.' It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first.

But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown.

It was a four-door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.

Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but it didn't make sense to my mother.

So in 1952, when she was 43 years old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving. The cemetery probably was my father's idea. 'Who can your mother hurt in the cemetery?' I remember him saying more than once

For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction, but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the city limits -- and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.

Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage.

(Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.)

He retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustine's Church. She would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning. If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home.

If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then head back to the church. He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father Slow."

After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. In the evening, then, when I'd stop by, he'd explain: 'The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the multimillionaire on third base scored.'

If she were going to the grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out -- and to make sure she loaded up on ice cream. As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, 'Do you want to know the secret of a long life?'

'I guess so,' I said, knowing it probably would be something bizarre.

'No left turns,' he said.

'What?' I asked.

'No left turns,' he repeated. 'Several years ago, your mother and I read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic.

As you get older, your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said. So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn.'

'What?' I said again.

'No left turns,' he said. 'Think about it. Three rights are the same as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights.'

'You're kidding!' I said, and I turned to my mother for support 'No,' she said, 'your father is right. We make three rights. It works.' But then she added: 'Except when your father loses count.'

I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started laughing.

'Loses count?' I asked.

'Yes,' my father admitted, 'that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem. You just make seven rights, and you're okay again.'

I couldn't resist. 'Do you ever go for 11?' I asked.

'No,' he said ' If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off another day or another week.'

My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999, when she was 90.

She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died the next year, at 102.

They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid $8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom -- the house had never had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.)

He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a treadmill when he was 101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind and sound body until the moment he died.

One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news.

A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, 'You know, Mike, the first hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred.' At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, 'You know, I'm probably not going to live much longer.'

'You're probably right,' I said.

'Why would you say that?' He countered, somewhat irritated.

'Because you're 102 years old,' I said.

'Yes,' he said, 'you're right.' He stayed in bed all the next day.

That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him through the night.

He appreciated it, he said, though at one point, apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said:

'I would like to make an announcement. No one in this room is dead yet.'

An hour or so later, he spoke his last words:

'I want you to know,' he said, clearly and lucidly, 'that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable. And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have.'

A short time later, he died.

I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so long.

I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life, Or because he quit taking left turns.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.'


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Father’s Rights and Child Custody

The boys after a fishing trip that their step mom Jan arranged. We all went to the coast for the trip and had a great time.

Perhaps the single toughest issue facing fathers going through a high-conflict divorce matter - is managing to obtain meaningful time with the children in the aftermath. Obtaining significant parenting time (custody) of their children is frequently a difficult objective to achieve for a whole host of reasons.

Throughout history, legal presumptions about child custody for fathers have changed dramatically, and infrequently for the better for either the father or the children. Before the twentieth century, children were regarded as the property of their father. Therefore, under common law, child custody for fathers was the norm. After this period in history, a major shift occurred. Family courts came to favor mothers in child custody cases and this presumption has continue unabated. It was presumed that under normal circumstances, children did better when placed in the sole custody of their mothers. Now, a wealth of reliable information exists that shows the significant detrimental outcomes for children who come from fatherless homes and homes where frequent time spent with father is lacking. It’s bad for the fathers, it’s bad for the mothers, it’s terrible for the children and a problem for society in general.

Despite the overwhelming evidence that children benefit most by having both parents involved in their lives growing, even after a divorce, the “mother as primary custodian” bias still is pervasive. This is demonstrated by the reality that mothers are still awarded primary physical custody of the children in the large majority of cases. The family court system hasn’t responded effectively to the benefits to children in having meaningful access to both parents after the family unit has broken. They continue to hold tight to the the belief that the alleged “primary caregiver” during a marriage should remain the primary caregiver after a divorce. This diminishes the role that fathers typically have in the marriage as something other than “primary caregiving,” if it’s considered caregiving at all. It also presumes that fathers are incapable (or less capable) of day-to-day care and nurturing of children simply because they may not have had a primary or even equal part of doing so during the marriage. This is simply not true.

As a result of this distorted view regarding custody for fathers and mothers, moms are still awarded custody in more than 70% of all child custody cases. Joint custody for between both parents is awarded approximately 20% of the time. Other family law statistics demonstrate that sole custody for fathers is awarded in less than 10% of all cases.

There are a number of factors that the family courts are supposed to consider in determining the parenting arrangement for fathers and mothers. The court may consider hearing the testimony of children at any age, though it is done infrequently with children at younger ages. Additionally, the court will hear testimony from “experts” such as psychologists, psychiatrists, guardians ad litem, custody evaluator, and others during a contested child custody case. ( but not in my case. The Judge suppressed that information because it all documented that She made a mistake in her rush to judgment) Judges will give serious consideration to their findings, regardless of whether or not we agree that they’ve spent enough time or otherwise should have the authority to so influence such a significant decision which affects the lives of so many so profoundly. These “experts” will base their recommendations on some or all of the following (not all-inclusive): any history of abuse or neglect, proximity of the parents to one another, past parenting history, household stability, time available to dedicate to raising children, personal behaviors, and/or other relevant factors.

Custody for fathers is too often a substantial uphill battle when the family court system favors maternal custody rights. This is why we are proponents of shared parenting. The result should be a 50/50 custodial arrangement (or close to it) when it’s logistically feasible and there are no provable issues of abuse, neglect, and where both parents are ready, willing, and able to retain their rights and responsibilities to parent their children.

Please always be on the lookout for shared-parenting initiatives on the docket in your state’s legislature. Spread the word and take action in the form of letters, emails, faxes, phone calls to your legislators and voice your support for a rebuttal presumption of shared custody.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Thought for today

It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."

Alfred Adler, Austrian psychoanalyst (1870 -1937)

I wish I had written the letter below, I did not, but I appreciate receiving it.

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now
and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And
besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

Life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning
to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a
relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or siblings or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own."

God/ Bless You..... Now, and Always....

So please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine.!..!.!.!

And PLEASE pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... Send them this link.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.What Is Parental Alienation?

The boys with their great Uncle, Aunt, Grandmother and Grandpa at a family dinner. Because of the PAS, this type of healthy family contact no longer happens.

More information from Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.
Executive Director; Stop Parental Alienation of Children

What Is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to "lose it" and be inappropriate with their words around children, however, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.

Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to cut that parent out of a child’s life entirely, called a parentectomy.

The Tragic Result

Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of "he said / she said," and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.

Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.

Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys and therapists understand the nature of the problem.

For more information about Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC) go to "Become Informed".

If you are reorganizing your family there is considerable amount of help available to you. One of the first places to start is by taking a parent education course that is offered at


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Understanding Parental Alienation with Dr. Major

Grandpa and 2 of the grandboys

Thank YOU! A reader of this blog sent me a new website to view. It has a lot of great information and the video interview with Dr. Major was great! She ansers questions and explains what PAS is and talks about the court system and the type of person that conducts PA.

Please view the video below and visit her website at;

Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC) is a non-profit company that exists under the umbrella of Breakthrough Parenting Services, Inc. We have assembled a team of renowned experts on the subject of parental alienation and a professional production team led by a director who has both excellent creative talents and personal context of our subject matter from which to shape the product. For more information, please contact Dr. Major.

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D., Executive Director

Stop Parental Alienation of Children

Breakthrough Parenting Services, Inc.

12405 Venice Boulevard, #172, Los Angeles, CA 90066 (Map)

Telephone: (310) 823-7846

Fax: (310) 388-0700


Friday, March 5, 2010

Below is a letter from my oldest son in November of 2009 after finding out about my cancer and situation.
I count my blessings every day for this kind of understanding and love.


Know that i will always love you and that you have been my hero ever since i could remember.

Its too bad things turned out the way they did between everyone, the situation seemed to escalate when i took off and didnt keep the balance anymore. The way it is now is really not fair to anyone involved and i believe you did the right thing in the actions you took and the way you handled yourself in front of the boys.

I will always consider Jan a friend and hope the best for her. Its too bad to see the house up for sale, especially after you and Jan made it so nice. I had a lot of good memories there, but you got to do what you got to do, and your right its probably not much of a home anymore.

I believe i found my best friend in Kaity and have a very optimistic future for us both. I did not know what a big hole i had in my life untill i started dating her and thank God everyday for how things have worked out.

As for you and your situation, you have been the toughest man i have ever met and you are my superman. Im sure you will get through this fine and you will always have my support and prayers.

As far as roping, hunting, and fishing is concerned you know were i live and im always ready to go! : )

Love you and talk to you soon ...


Monday, March 1, 2010

Parental Alienation #3. Severely Alienated

The 4 boys at 2003 T Day after the big "D"

Stage 3 - A Severely Alienated Child of Parental Alienation SyndromeThe Honorable Judge Gomery of Canada stated, "Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child. It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child."

A Severely Alienated Child of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Severe In severe PAS the child is often fanatic or obsessional in his/her hatred of the target parent. For this reason alone the PAS-inducing parent no longer needs to be active, although the PAS-inducing parent will resort to anything to prevent the child maintaining a relationship with the targeted parent. The child takes on the PAS-inducing parent's desires, emotions and hatreds and verbalises them all as its own. The child views the history of the targeted parent and the targeted parent's family as all negative and is unable to either remember or express any positive feelings for the target parent..

Stages of PAS

The child is very likely to refuse Contact, make false allegations of abuse, threaten to run away, threaten to commit suicide or even murder - if forced to see the targeted parent. The PAS-inducing parent will hold little or no value for the targeted parent and hatred may be completely overt.. The child and the alienating parent have a pathological bond that is invariably based on shared paranoid fantasies of the targeted parent, sometimes to the point of folie a deux.

What Does a Severely Alienated Child look like?

They have a relentless hatred for towards the targeted parent.

They parrot the Obsessed Alienator.

The child does not want to visit or spend any time with the targeted parent.

Many of the child's beliefs are enmeshed with the alienator.

The beliefs are delusional and frequently irrational.

They are not intimidated by the court.

Frequently, their reasons are not based on personal experiences with the targeted parent but reflect what they are told by the Obsessed Alienator. They have difficulty making any differentiate between the two.

The child has no ambivalence in his feelings; it's all hatred with no ability to see the good.

They have no capacity to feel guilty about how they behave towards the targeted parent or forgive any past indiscretions.

They share the Obsessed Alienators cause. Together, they are in lockstep to denigrate the hated parent.

The children's obsessional hatred extends to the targeted parent's extended family without any guilt or remorse.

They can appear like normal healthy children until asked about the targeted parent that triggers their hatred.

Children in the severe category are generally quite disturbed and are usually fanatic. They join together with their alienating parent in a folie à deux relationship in which they share her paranoid fantasies about the alienated parent. All eight of the primary symptomatic manifestations are likely to be present to a significant degree, even more prominent than in the moderate category. Children in this category may become panic-stricken over the prospect of visiting with their alienated parent. Their blood-curdling shrieks, panicked states, and rage outbursts may be so severe that visitation is impossible. If placed in the alienated parent's home they may run away, become paralyzed with morbid fear, or may become so continuously provocative and so destructive that removal becomes necessary. Unlike children in the moderate and mild categories, their panic and hostility may not be reduced in the alienated parent's home, even when separated from their alienating parents for significant periods. Whereas in the mild and moderate categories the children's primary motive is to strengthen the stronger, healthy psychological bond with the alienating parent, in the severe category the psychological bond with the alienating parent is pathological (often paranoid) and the symptoms serve to strengthen this pathological bond.