Wednesday, September 2, 2015
PA, the cycle never ends
For the thousands of you who follow this blog and for all those who find yourself here because you now are experiencing parental alienation…I cannot comfort you, I can’t help you prevent it or stop it in the future. The only thing we can do here is to help educate and hope that the victims (the children) can overcome the negativity and attacks that come with PA. If you are a parent that finds yourself in despair over this situation, send this blog to your children and ask them to spend some time reading with an open mind and try to understand what is happening and why.
I write again today because I see PA in a family that is very dear to me. This time it is the father who is attempting to turn his daughters against their mother and her family. It brings back those old nightmares from years past. I have and my wife has spoken with the mother and urged her to resist being drawn into the same game. We advised her to speak only kind words about their father while in their (children) company. If she wants to argue or engage his behavior, then do it in private and do not discuss any of it with the children. Instead, if the children ask or makes comments that are disparaging to the mother or her boyfriend, just give positive responses. Do not lose control and say something you will regret like “fine, you hate it here so much then just go live with your father”. Speech like that will never get you the results you wish.
Think of the children 1st.
When you find your anger building, focus on what is right by the kids. How would you like it if your mother spoke negative about your father or the other way around? Would you like it if your friend attacked your family with words? No you would not and your children do not want to hear it either.
The person practicing PA will never understand this. They only see themselves as champions of the children. They elevate their self-esteem by degrading the other. They cover up their actions and poor life choices by demonizing their ex or the relationship they are in.
The best thing either parent could ask for is that their ex would marry a good person who they are happy with and that he or she would love and support the children. The new marriage should be one where each household supports the other home.
They should raise the children to love and respect their ex and their new partner. This way, instead of tearing the children apart, pitting them against each other over affections and asking them to love one parent more than the other… they could instead enjoy both households and grow up loving and being loved by their parents and their new spouses.
Please, stop the Parental Alienation!
Sadly there are those who will not change, they will not stop and will continue PA their entire life. I feel sorry for those people and their families. Such a loss for the children and grandchildren when this happens.
In my case, after 13 years the PA continues.
My relationship with my sons is now based on the contact they wish to have. I will not force myself into their lives. I follow and enjoy in seeing their happiness. It will never be as I wanted for them, never close to the family and friends I grew up with. I have accepted this. I have a plan to leave behind a history of their father and family, for them and for their children. They can chose what to do with it.
The Doctor referred to in this blog said to us point blank; The PA will never stop. You will be demonized and vilified for the rest of your life by your ex-wife. She will never stop and will continue even after your sons have moved out and started their own families. She will continue with your grandchildren and there is nothing you will be able to stop this. It is the worst case of PA I have ever seen in my 26 years of practice. I’m very sorry for you and your family.
He is being proved right even after 13 plus years;
Mental abuse is the worst..you know who you are and what you did...
August 30 at 12:41pm
There are so many men that can't be a man turn their backs and choose others over their own children! Who are selfious and maybe make time only when its conveient for them or when they become sick they wonder where their child or children have gone.. Its like the cats in the craddle song by I believe Jim Croochy sang
1 · August 14 at 7:12am
I'm so proud of my four sons for the men they have become...the acomplishments and future ones.For those doubters proved all of you wrong. Keep writing your mind numbing blogs...... I have stood by them thru ups and downs thick and thin. I couldn't ask for anything else...Also my two grandsons who I love dearly.....
The above FB posts are from my ex, speaking with a daughter in-law whom I have yet to meet. How did I get them? A friend saw them and was disturbed at what she read. Point is that after all these years, she still practices PA with the children and their families.What impact does this conversation have with a person I have never met?
Mental abuse is the worst..you know who you are and what you did...(She is addressing this towards me, it is an attempt to cover up her own actions)
August 30 at 12:41pm
There are so many men that can't be a man turn their backs and choose others over their own children! (Again, she is referring to me getting remarried and standing by my new wife) Who are selfious and maybe make time only when its conveient for them or when they become sick (A reference to my cancer) they wonder where their child or children have gone.. Its like the cats in the craddle song by I believe Jim Croochy sang
1 · August 14 at 7:12am
I'm so proud of my four sons for the men they have become...the acomplishments and future ones.For those doubters proved all of you wrong. (I guess this is referencing the troubles one child was having in school and as a father I tried to hold him accountable) Keep writing your mind numbing blogs......(In case there was any doubt about who she is talking about, she removed that here) I have stood by them thru ups and downs thick and thin. I couldn't ask for anything else...Also my two grandsons who I love dearly.....(Has a need to make sure that she is the one that loves the grand-kids. She tries to imply that I, the father do not love them as much as she does. Sad)
As the doctor said, it will never end.
Please, for those you read this, stop the PA now.
PA only serves to destroy relationships and damage children. Yes it hurts the parent that it is directed at but at what cost?
Let your children grow up with the best two sets of parents they can have. This is what your goal should be!