Reply to Anonymous comment on Jealousy, the root of all Evil posted on March 29th 2010

Below is the comment;

Have you bothered to read your own blog? Children have one mother, and I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden. It is fine to come in and love your new spouses children and be a good role model for them, but it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one. You mentioned in your blog numerous times what a great "mom" your new wife is to your boys. Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her. I have the same problem with my childs stepmother. I am a great and loving mom. I got along just fine with my ex and we were able to co-parent together until his new wife came along. She wants to be mom now and wants me out of the picture. It is very damaging to a child when a new person comes along and thinks they are a replacement for their own parent and they know best, etc. etc. Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out to get rid of their competition they feel. VERY SAD!!!

Here is my response;

Well anonymous, You sound like a very troubled woman indeed. It is very apparent from your comment that you, like my ex Linda, suffer from acute jealousy and most likely that stems from somewhere deep in your past. I expect that you have had to deal with low self esteem all your life. That is very unfortunate. It must be very difficult to go through life with a deep envy of others. Perhaps you have a sense of superiority over everyone else and this justifies your actions.  In any case you have my sympathies, yet this does cannot condone your behavior.

Point being you have no idea about the mother, so why the support of the mother and attack on the step mother? (I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden)  From the day they were born she (the boys mother) could not handle the responsibility. She did not have to work and therefore had no job. Yet she chose to take a part time job and send the kids to day care because she said “I can’t stand it, they drive me crazy and I need a break from them”. The job only paid the day care fee so she was working for free just to get away from her own children. I understand that she is not alone, many mothers now days take this path. Later she would spend weekends with her friend to get away from me and the boys, leading to her abandoning her family and moving next door to her boyfriend while she was still married. On the week that she had the 4 boys, she would leave them alone and go out on the town with her boy friend. She repeatedly brought men home from the bars and gambling casinos to spend the night. All this on the week she had the boys. A decent mother would have at least stayed home with her sons during her week with them and limit her whoring around on the week the children where gone. You see, you know nothing of this woman. Would you condone such behavior???
I think that is why we see such a decline in our society. I firmly believe the most important responsibility a mother can have is to provide a good home environment and Christian instruction for the children. The children should be JOB ONE! Sadly many women put their own self ambitions in front of the kids welfare.

Why do make this statement: “it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one”. You are very disturbed! The best thing any ex spouse could hope for is that a new step parent would be a loving caring person. If the children are only spending 1-2 days every couple of weeks with one of the parents then it would be difficult to have the same bond as say those who share time equally. In my case, my new wife was much more of a mother to my children than their own mother ever was. This fact was very plain for everyone see, even to my ex. This led to her jealousy, rage, attacks and in 2 of the 4 cases, successful alienation of the children from my new wife and myself!

You show a much to common mental condition when you make this statement: . “Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her.”

The “real” mom was never replaced nor was she ever spoken poorly of. Both my wife and me supported the boy’s mother. We even have many letters sent to her asking that she move closer to the boys and school. That would allow her more time with them. She refused our request and said she would not move to little Tijuana, insinuating that there were to many Mexicans where we lived. It seems it was fine for the boys to go to school there but she was not going to live there. If you wish, I can post those letters.

You seem to live in a very deranged world. Your statements about the new wife wanting to be the real mother, take control and “get rid of their competition” shows your paranoia. I don’t think it would matter at all who your ex remarried, you would fear any relationship she has with your kids. You seem to know in your heart your weakness as a parent and fear those will be exposed by any other woman. I think you are correct in that regard, any other woman may seem like a more loving and supporting  mother to your children than you. You need to focus on being a good mother and stop obsessing about your exs new wife!

Your accusations about “Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out” are certainly unfounded in my case and I see no documentation that your view is supported by professionals in the field.

From your comments I can conclude that you are one of the mothers that would practice parental alienation as a way to stop your children from having a healthy relationship with their step mother and perhaps with the own father.   

In my case, the mother was documented to have an extreme anger problem and indeed was, “the worse case or parental alienation I have seen” by a doctor in the this field that spent time with her in his office.

I feel very sorry for your children, your ex and his wife. You must be a horrible person to try and co parent with.

For the sake of your children and that of your grandchildren, I hope you seek professional help.