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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Merry Christmas to you and all our children

I am posting this e-mail for everyone, and for my own sons. I hope as to grow and mature, as you yourselves have families, please understand what is important in life. Live your life for God 1st. 
The order of your love is very clear, love your God 1st, love, honor and protect your wife 2nd and then raise your children with love and discipline as God has instructed in the Bible. This is the ONLY (and very simple) road map you have to parenting and living a happy and fulfilling life.


From Jayne A. Major;
Is it already Christmas time again? It seems like it was only a little while ago that we were ringing in the New Year. Now here we are again. It's always interesting to ask people what the holiday season means to them. Although the answers vary, one thing that is consistent is that our experiences in childhood are typically what determines how we answer that question. And it is typically our parents who set the tone for the holidays and ultimately influenced the positive or negative feelings that carry forward into our own adulthood.

We should all strive to make the holiday season a time of joy for our children. However, we too often associate a joyous Christmas or Hanukkah with the bounty of gifts that one receives. We see mobs of people in the shopping malls who will seemingly stop at nothing to get that last available popular doll or video game for their child. We condition our children to think that the expense and popularity of the gifts they receive represent a measure of their parent's love. This is a trap that all parents must avoid by teaching their children the true meaning of Christmas: the joy of giving.

I have gone into homes where it looked like the parents bought the whole inventory from Toys R Us. In fact, the children and their toys had taken over every room in the house. While merchants would be thrilled if parents would do this, I don't think that it is a good idea. Children have no restraint about asking for anything and everything that crosses their mind to want. It is easy to go overboard at Christmas and Hanukkah by spending too much money. Parents need to be the voice of reason and say "no" to unreasonable requests.

The best gifts are not necessarily expensive, but something that is meaningful that will enhance the quality of the child's life. In our family we posted a wish list. We wrote on the list everything that we wanted with the most important thing at the top. If the desired gift was an expensive item then two or more family members would go in together to share the expense. These lists took a lot of the guess work out of shopping for other family members.

On the other hand, many families don't have money to pay for Christmas presents at all. I suggest that you have everyone write his or her name on a slip of paper and put it in a hat. Each person in the family draws another family member's name. It is their job to think of something that person would enjoy, such as a poem, a drawing, a heartfelt letter, or something delicious to eat. 

A wonderful gift simply doesn't have to be expensive. 

Wishing your and your families a joyous Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.
Major Family Services 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Comment and video from Dave

Here is a video of my experience with spousal abuse and parental alienation. I was married to someone who I knew had a high-conflict personality, but I was completely blindsided by what happened during our divorce. I hope others will learn from my experience and will take measures to protect their children before it's too late. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

Hi Dave,
Thanks for adding your comment. I am very sorry for your loss and understand your pain in what you have and will continue to suffer through. To lose a child (that you love and kissed goodnight) or children is worse than death. It is worse because as your video points out, the children suffer for the rest of their lives and perhaps beyond that with their own family. Seeing the change in behavior (school grades, attendance, friends and attitude) is very hard to deal with (like seeing them in hell and not being able to save them). It is easy to blame yourself for the PA as you ask yourself what could or should I have done different to stop what happened. I have not found anything that would have prevented what happened in my case. Some people are programmed to deal with self image issues by attacking others as a way to elevate their position. This has always been a fact and always will be. Thus the speaking poorly of you in front of the children. If this was not her or their goal, they would never subject the children they love to such a argument. Any disagreement could and should be discussed in private. When it is done in front of children, it is for a duel purpose.
To remarry, before or after your big (D) is a direct threat to your ex spouse. She does not want you but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you! (she does not want the children to see you wanted and loved by someone else either, because she has told the children how bad you are, so to see another woman in love with you, treating you with respect… would cast doubt on what she has been saying) You are also a low life un trusting abusing pig, until she needs you to take the kids for a weekend she has planed, then you are ok…
Search for (jealousy, the root of all evil)
If you find a way to stop or reverse PAS, please let me know!
The only thing I can see changing is the court system and how they deal with high conflict situations. I think they need a full and personal investigation before placing children or setting parenting times. Just as in your case, the truth came out but much to late to help your family.
I hope your children will see the truth in time and although they may have lost their childhood, perhaps they can safe their own adulthood.
Good luck to you

Monday, October 10, 2011

Help in Yakima family court

I felt it very important, to not only post the comment below Lani-Kai Swanhart, an unfit Commissioner but to add it to the blog pages. It seems there is help in Yakima and if you are in family court there, I would encourage you to contact the number below. You will need to do your investigation and use your best judgment when contacting the number below. I cannot recommend anyone that I personally don’t know. Still, I think it would be worth your time visit with the person below;

I am a GAL in the Yakima court system but I also work with a parent who is representing him/herself to gain custody or increased visitation. I provide advocacy and case management.

I have and M.S.S.W. from Columbia University and years of experience working with children and families in the family court system.

Since only 28% of the father's in Yakima County have 50 percent custody of their children, advocacy and case management are critical to increasing the father's involvement with the child. Counties on the western side of the state have upwards of 65% of the fathers who have 50% custody of their child.

I am easily able to challenge court custody investigators or GALs who often lack the experience I hold.

Parental alienation is an extremely important issue and judges must be reminded how damaging it is for the kids. 509-312-9850

Friday, August 26, 2011

Reply to Anonymous comment on Jealousy, the root of all Evil posted on March 29th 2010

Below is the comment;

Have you bothered to read your own blog? Children have one mother, and I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden. It is fine to come in and love your new spouses children and be a good role model for them, but it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one. You mentioned in your blog numerous times what a great "mom" your new wife is to your boys. Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her. I have the same problem with my childs stepmother. I am a great and loving mom. I got along just fine with my ex and we were able to co-parent together until his new wife came along. She wants to be mom now and wants me out of the picture. It is very damaging to a child when a new person comes along and thinks they are a replacement for their own parent and they know best, etc. etc. Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out to get rid of their competition they feel. VERY SAD!!!

Here is my response;

Well anonymous, You sound like a very troubled woman indeed. It is very apparent from your comment that you, like my ex Linda, suffer from acute jealousy and most likely that stems from somewhere deep in your past. I expect that you have had to deal with low self esteem all your life. That is very unfortunate. It must be very difficult to go through life with a deep envy of others. Perhaps you have a sense of superiority over everyone else and this justifies your actions.  In any case you have my sympathies, yet this does cannot condone your behavior.

Point being you have no idea about the mother, so why the support of the mother and attack on the step mother? (I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden)  From the day they were born she (the boys mother) could not handle the responsibility. She did not have to work and therefore had no job. Yet she chose to take a part time job and send the kids to day care because she said “I can’t stand it, they drive me crazy and I need a break from them”. The job only paid the day care fee so she was working for free just to get away from her own children. I understand that she is not alone, many mothers now days take this path. Later she would spend weekends with her friend to get away from me and the boys, leading to her abandoning her family and moving next door to her boyfriend while she was still married. On the week that she had the 4 boys, she would leave them alone and go out on the town with her boy friend. She repeatedly brought men home from the bars and gambling casinos to spend the night. All this on the week she had the boys. A decent mother would have at least stayed home with her sons during her week with them and limit her whoring around on the week the children where gone. You see, you know nothing of this woman. Would you condone such behavior???
I think that is why we see such a decline in our society. I firmly believe the most important responsibility a mother can have is to provide a good home environment and Christian instruction for the children. The children should be JOB ONE! Sadly many women put their own self ambitions in front of the kids welfare.

Why do make this statement: “it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one”. You are very disturbed! The best thing any ex spouse could hope for is that a new step parent would be a loving caring person. If the children are only spending 1-2 days every couple of weeks with one of the parents then it would be difficult to have the same bond as say those who share time equally. In my case, my new wife was much more of a mother to my children than their own mother ever was. This fact was very plain for everyone see, even to my ex. This led to her jealousy, rage, attacks and in 2 of the 4 cases, successful alienation of the children from my new wife and myself!

You show a much to common mental condition when you make this statement: . “Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her.”
The “real” mom was never replaced nor was she ever spoken poorly of. Both my wife and me supported the boy’s mother. We even have many letters sent to her asking that she move closer to the boys and school. That would allow her more time with them. She refused our request and said she would not move to little Tijuana, insinuating that there were to many Mexicans where we lived. It seems it was fine for the boys to go to school there but she was not going to live there. If you wish, I can post those letters.

You seem to live in a very deranged world. Your statements about the new wife wanting to be the real mother, take control and “get rid of their competition” shows your paranoia. I don’t think it would matter at all who your ex remarried, you would fear any relationship she has with your kids. You seem to know in your heart your weakness as a parent and fear those will be exposed by any other woman. I think you are correct in that regard, any other woman may seem like a more loving and supporting  mother to your children than you. You need to focus on being a good mother and stop obsessing about your exs new wife!

Your accusations about “Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out” are certainly unfounded in my case and I see no documentation that your view is supported by professionals in the field.

From your comments I can conclude that you are one of the mothers that would practice parental alienation as a way to stop your children from having a healthy relationship with their step mother and perhaps with the own father.   

In my case, the mother was documented to have an extreme anger problem and indeed was, “the worse case or parental alienation I have seen” by a doctor in the this field that spent time with her in his office.

I feel very sorry for your children, your ex and his wife. You must be a horrible person to try and co parent with.

For the sake of your children and that of your grandchildren, I hope you seek professional help.

Friday, July 22, 2011

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to "lose it" and be inappropriate with their words around children. However, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.

Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse
and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is so that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to entirely cut that parent out of their child’s life.

The Tragic Result

Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of "he said / she said" and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.

Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.

Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys, and therapists, understand the nature of the problem.

Major Family Services

Major Family Services was founded by Dr. Jayne Major, Ph.D. and offers classes, consulting, books and educational materials that address a broad range of unique parental training situations that can benefit all types of parents. For over 30 years, Dr. Major has been educating parents on the art of raising children and maintaining healthy family relationships. Dr. Major established Major Family Services, Inc. to expand the availability of her parental training classes and consulting services through a trained network of professional instructors certified in teaching her techniques. Dr. Major’s curriculum provides parents with advanced and proven child-rearing methods designed to encourage and promote psychologically sound ways to parent children. Major Family Services will continue to expand and offer classes in an ever-growing number of communities.   

Jayne Major, Ph.D.

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D. is the founder of Major Family Services and the author of the acclaimed book Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation. She is nationally recognized as an expert in family education, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, author and consultant on optimal family relationships. She holds a doctorate in Philosophy of Education from UCLA.
A Personal Message from Jayne:

I became aware of how difficult it is to be a parent when my husband and I adopted two foster boys who were 7 and 9 at the time and had been severely abused and neglected. I rapidly ran out of everything that I knew to do. I had to face the fact that I needed to learn much more to be an effective parent.

I started reading how to books for parents and quickly discovered that even the experts disagree. What was so simple was turning out to not be simple at all. I decided to use parent education as the focus of my doctoral dissertation at UCLA. My purpose was to write a curriculum for parents that would be a psychologically solid and skill based way of raising children according to the best of what we know today.

My doctorate is in Philosophy of Education and what I philosophized about was psychology. When I graduated from UCLA I began speaking and teaching classes to many different groups of people. I also started writing books for parents. These books eventually became Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation.

I believe that when people know better they do better. Parent education is my passion. There is no more important job than that of being a parent. I enjoy consulting, teaching classes, and speaking about how we can improve the way that children are raised by their parents. I frequently consult with parents about discipline situations that have developed in their families and have become knowledgeable about divorce and child custody disputes. I show parents how to improve their strategy on how to handle difficult problems in families.

What I’ve found is that children want to get along with us and the main reason that we have struggles with children is due to the parent’s lack of skill and knowledge. Education is the key to successful parenting.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Last blog post by Just a Dad

I wish you thank all my friends and family that have supported my writing of this blog. Many days it has been more than painful to relive the night mare of what happened to my sons and to their childhood.

Linda Clark, Pain, unbelief, and total disgust is what I have felt for my Ex Linda Clark.  In her hate for me she has robbed the children of their heritage and extended families. She is responsible for the damaged relationships with grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins. My sons children will suffer because of this loss of family. All because of her jealousy over my remarriage and her evil obsession for money. Her actions in all of this is nothing but appalling and yet I forgive her. I will not try to understand nor condone her behavior, it was and is, simple evil in all definitions of the word. Yet I have only a limited understanding of her mental condition and have to accept that, as does everyone. This condition, this issue, has been with her for a very long time and she will not change and perhaps cannot change without years of treatment and medication (she referred to them as her "happy pills"). I do not envision her getting such treatment until ordered by the court. So I can only pray for healing of everyone who has a mental health issue, or health issue of any sort.

Lani-Kai Swanhart, I have done all I can to correct your wrongs. You made a very poor and damaging ruling, that is an undeniable fact. It is documented, it is now part of your history. No one knows your heart at the time or why you would do such a thing. Why you would cover up your mistake and not even let experts present their statements in your court room, that was and is, diabolical. You are a dismal failure in your duties in the family court system in Yakima WA.  We all can only hope that through my letters and official complaints to the local, state and federal levels, that you have looked inward and made the necessary changes to prevent such an outlandish and damaging ruling (as the one you made in my case) from happening again.  You were empowered with getting the truth and and making a fair and just ruling, you failed. Something in your past made you angry and resentful of my presence in your court (cowboy hat and beautiful wife). You made a ruling that changed and severely/adversely effected the future of my sons. Your rulings and attitude has changed my family history forever and it can never be made whole again. Yet, I must forgive you.

Blain Connaughton, As a person you disgust me. As an attorney you appall me. You made up a lie in court to change the direction of a simple matter of child support modification. You used your experience as a trail lawyer to damage a family for your own profit. You sir are a court whore! Your efforts to keep the children from seeing a Dr in an attempt to reconcile their relationship with me as a father was Evil. I trust you know that one day you will have to stand for judgment for your conduct and actions. On that day, you will have an honest representative and Judge. As evil as your actions were, I forgive you and the commissioner (this is my faith and thus my duty) as well as the one person that was responsible for the whole court issue, your client, Linda Clark.

To my younger sons, Dakota and Colton who view this blog; I hope and pray that you will never know my pain. I hope and pray that you will never suffer such total devastation and pain as I have experienced over this whole issue. I have emotionally suffered the death of you my sons, my loved ones, over and over and over. I hope and pray you will never ever, understand this pain. You know your roles in this, you know the parts you played. You know the truth of the Parental Alienation that took place in your mother’s home. You know the lies your mother has told about me. You know and have seen the e-mails that I had to show you to correct the lies your mother was telling you. You heard the tape I had to play for you to prove that your mother was lying about why she signed her custody rights away, freely, under no threat and with her own admission that is was the best thing to do. You know how you both asked for that change. You both know I did not agree to your request until you both spoke to Marcia S. It was not until her report from you boys about what went on in your mother’s house; how she had no control over anyone in there. How you feared being in her house, how men were coming in and out all the time, how your mother would leave the house at night after she thought you boys were asleep to go to the bar. How Colton had asked her many times to stay home. How you both missed practices because she would not take you. Only after the cost/expense of many hours of investigating those allegations and proving them true… did  I asked your mother for the meeting to propose a change.  You also know and have seen the e-mails where I asked your mother to move back into the school district. You have seen the e-mails where I asked her time and time again to help you boys by modifying her life style while it was her week of custody. You have seen those and the ones where your mother was attacking me, threatening me and Jan. You saw those because she said I was doing this to her. I was not and had to prove it to you! (I still have the e-mails and many recordings, you are welcome to see them or hear them anytime) You saw her lies in her own words! Yet, you turned your backs on me. You believed her, you were drawn into her twisted world and made up stories about me that were untruthful and very mean. You did the same to a loving step mother. She read poems, books and the children bible to you. She held you when you cried and listened to you when you needed a friend. She took you hunting when I could not. She took you to practice when I could not. She helped you with home work. She bought programs to help with classes. She found and bought you great and safe horses for your enjoyment. She bought you snow machines for winter fun. She encouraged  us all to take vacations, horseback rides, fishing and family trips. She got us all skiing together again, because she knew how important all these things are and she made it happen for us.  She took you to California, the zoo, the beaches, movies and dinner. She taught us all about cooking and improved our manners. She was nothing less than an outstanding mother to all you boys! She never did those things to make your mother jealous, angry or to belittle her, she did them out of love for you and me! She was a mother!
You repaid her with what?

To my older sons, Josh, your love and support of everyone has been outstanding and honorable.
Kaleb have supported me at times but also attacked me over this blog when a post made your mother mad. I have to wonder, did you stand up and correct your mother in the same way when you knew I was angry? How did you feel and did you defend me when your girl friend at the time and your mother got together and drafted a court statement full of damaging lies. Lies that have hurt you, your brothers, your father and your step mother. Lies that will live with us all for the rest of our days.

I have always loved each and everyone one of my sons.
I have  loved and fought for the two youngest, more that most people can understand.
I did all I could to be a father to them, even when it hurt deeply.
I have even suffered the pain of pulling back and letting them live their lives as they see fit, in an attempt to stop the daily conflict they were experiencing.
I have, and am, suffering heart breaking anguish as I see Colton falling into a moral hell hole.
I have suffered with my health and through other relationships pains in my attempt to protect my sons futures.
I tried hard as I could to get the truth out and correct all the wrongs… it seems I worked in vain as correction can only happen with open minds.

I also have been very blessed;
I have been blessed with the unwavering support of friends and family.
I was blessed and amazed to have 3 different attorneys approach me in the Yakima county court hallways and offer their unsolicited advice and sympathy at a time when I was representing myself at multiple hearings. I was blessed with the understanding and support of the Doctor and court investigator, who interviewed my children and ex wife Linda Clark. I have been blessed with the support of the children’s ex step mother. She was publicly silent when attacked by Linda Clark and in the home with the boys. She only spoke kind words to the children about their mother and addressed the children’s questions with compassion. I am blessed that she has now come forward with documentation that supports me as a father and directly and boldly addressed the lies Linda Clark has told my sons. I am blessed to have people willing to suffer attacks on my behalf, while trying to correct lies about me in an attempt to correct my families relationships.  I am blessed that this ordeal has put me on my knees and created a new and everlasting relationship with Christ. I was blessed to be re baptized last year (by my everlasting friend, pastor and brother, Ken Larson) by full water submersion into the river waters and excepted into the church of God 7th day.  This is how I am able to forgive those who have sinned against me. Their sins, helped save me. I pray I am able to return this blessing.

The Bible, if we all would just follow the words, the truth and the teachings in the Bible, there would be no family problems! Family problems only happen when Evil is allowed in. There are many words of direction, correction and encouragement. The bible is the manual and the church is its spokesman on earth today. There are also words which address courts, lies, evil and how to deal with such.

Zechariah 8:16-17 These are things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgments in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this declares the Lord.
(this very simple advise would have saved and kept whole, my sons childhood)

Proverbs 6 :16-19 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissention among brothers.
(no mixing of words, no wiggle room, no compromise, just straight talk)
Proverbs 10:23 A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.
(just simple advise)
Proverbs 9:8 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse
(I found this very true, in a very personal way)

Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone Evil for Evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.
(my moral up bringing is why 17 statements to the court did not attack the conduct of Linda Clark, (even when I had such documentation)  they only spoke of support for me as a father… and my sense of right and wrong is why I have never made false allegations) (Sad to say, the commissioner found this odd,,,, the one that throws the most dirt, wins in court).
Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay” says the Lord.

I pray that anyone who views this blog will turn to a good study Bible for support and guidance.

This blog will remain on the internet until the internet no longer exists. For those who view the blog I hope and pray that it helps you, your situation, your children and your family is some way. I have heard it said, “one man’s pain is another man’s gain”.

There is a huge amount of information about the issue of Parental Alienation and mental illness. Search the past blogs for help with your questions.

Boys, love you all, always will!

The truth is the same, it is there, always will be!

Just a Dad

~Hugh Prather 
We were all very happy and the boys would have finished growing up in a stable loving home. Completing their trip to man hood as responsible young men with  good work ethics and respect for all.

Dakotas Graduation 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Very Personal Reply!

(note) views in this blog are of a very personal nature, but because my sons are now at a cross roads in their lives, I must make one more attempt to get past the bombardment of lies and get a truthful understanding.  

Well, after many months of relatively no contact by my ex wife Linda, that has changed. She is back again because of a meeting I had with my son Dakota. Mentally, as pointed out in the last blog, she feels threatened by the loss of any control or influence over the boys. She has been consumed with the blogs about this case as are the boys now. Sadly enough, she has poisoned the boys minds and especially the youngest. The callousness and total disrespect for me and his step mother is a learned by product of Parental Alienation (still, he is old enough to take responsibility for his own life). Linda continues to practice, repeat and hold steadfast to lies that have apparently taken hold in the children’s minds. This is and was her goal. To that end, she has won…but the boys have lost. Linda, you are Evil for what you have done. Your history of prescriptions for your condition is documented, yet that is not a reason for what you have done. Hereditary symptoms are something that were acknowledged years ago so why to do resist treatment?  Why did you fight so hard to keep the boys from continuing to see a professional? Even in the short time you visited with Dr Newell, he pegged your illness. You cannot deny his written statement to the court. No lie or anything else can argue with this. The internet is full of examples of women like you. Although as the Doctor stated you maybe, “over the top bad”. It is a huge problem for society so I guess you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, there are many disturbed women out there just like you, you are not special.

As promised, I will provide my thoughts to the recent e-mails and comments below.

In the past 24 hours there have been many obscene comments left by the self proclaimed gang banger. I refuse to be drawn down to his/her level with a reply. Such a person is lost and will be found only when his/her heart changes.

Someone has posted as Donna on a blog that Jan posts. I have seen this before, if it is not directly Linda then it is Linda words. I paste the whole comment here and reply in it in Blue. I will point out how she sets up the letter, and the lies in it.

I have known Linda and her boys for several years now It starts with setting a time line  and I can honestly now has to state she is telling the truth say that she has her boys' best interest at heart Shows how she only cares for the boys, not herself. She has struggled at times making herself the victim  because she hadn't received any child support for the boys from their father A convenient lie to help support her claim as the innocent victim of a rotten ex husband, any fool can see the court child support documents. $1,852 per month is what Linda was paid. I don't know Bruce personally and cannot judge him, then how could she have know Linda and the boys for several years? however I do see the hurt and anger that his boys now have. Really,,,both boys are running around showing the hurt and anger, how can she expect anyone to believe this letter? They are all great kids and he should be very proud of them and what they've accomplished. Yep, she knows them well. Colton just barely passed this last trimester and his GPA has dropped over a full point since he moved in with his mother. His attendance (over 30 missed days this year) is public record (as it will stay with him long after school and effect his job opportunities)

Linda has wanted to provide the best home for her boys and has had to move a couple of times. So what? Man, write a letter as a make believe person to excuse your actions (bankruptcy, moving 7 times, gambling and drinking, so many cars I lost count) …amazing.  I've done the same thing in my past, that doesn't make me a bad mother or person. Ok, so now she feels better about herself because her make believe friend has done the same thing…is there any questions now?  She has always been there for me when I needed a friend. Yes Linda, you are a great person in your mind, we understand that I have never seen this angry crazy bi-polar side of her that you speak of, but again why do you care so much? Anyone that has read anything to do with this case of parental alienation knows that mental illness is a key component of this behavior.

All that matters is the relationship between the boys and their father, you are not their family and have no rights in this relationship. Hmmm, yes ma’am, so you don’t know me but can comment on what role the boys step mother should have, and per you, without knowing Jan, or much at all about the boys, find that she (Jan the ex step mother) has no right of any kind. Who did you ask for this approval? And why do you think you could speak for me???  has Step back and let them alone. Linda, even in the 3rd person cannot help but make demands. It is her way to control the situation Someday Bruce will regret not being able to be with his boys when they were young adults. What a foolish person this is, doesn’t know me and can’t read blogs? I fought for years to save their childhood!  This is time you can replace; if you are truly ill then you should be even more willing to resolve your differences and move on Hmmm, goes from commenting on Jans blog and speaking to and about Jan, to addressing me directly, how can anyone make that jump in a conversation?  - at least until the end of your life. Ha ha, then has to point out that my life, percentage wise, will be short. Thanks for the concern Give these boys a memory they will have with them long after you are gone. Well, there it is, the complete circle. We now are back to where it all started, money! Dakota, not long ago sent me a request for money saying, that would be very “memorable”. Dang, I hate that those words and his request are such a close match in such a short time. I wish I had be wrong. Perhaps the boys will look at the photos posted here and the albums Jan and I gave them as a Christmas present. Those are great times and lasting memories that I want the boys to have. Not something like Dad bought me a car (my child support has done that many times over for Dakota already) for graduation or my 18th B day. But, my views are much different from Linda’s and now, I guess the younger boys also. Nice try Linda, I will reply to your letter below and then be done, this seems to be a lost cause.

Below you will see Linda on her best behavior in an attempt to disprove anything negative that anyone has ever said about her. It may work it you didn’t know her, if you didn’t have a huge suitcase full of old e-mails from her. Go through the old blogs and you will see comments from some of those e-mails and yes, they are a matter of public record.

Jan I will answer your question?? for the last time.... ha ha, like all linda does is try to get along with Jan and correct the bad things she says. Sorry, I can’t help but laugh because here we go…into la la land! (really, it’s how I have learned to deal with a very sick situation)
At the last child support hearing Bruce under oath told the judge that he gave you everything in your divorce No, that is not correct but close, I didn’t have much to give in (YAKIMA COUNTY) WHICH THERE IS NO RECORD OF oh Linda stop, that’s is just plain stupid...the judge stated that he must be divorced in Yakima County and he said yes he was....LIe Lie Lie.. Linda you are sick. How anyone, even yourself can believe otherwise, Crazy? The whole world acknowledges this. Everyone but you?
you know that as well as he does that divorce does not exist Whew, what can you say? How do you argue with this? This is public record and yet she will openly deny it in a letter. No one needs any further proof of what I say because Linda has made my point for me and has shown what I have tried to fight for years. I think the boys believe her about this also. If they can believe a lie that is so simple to expose, is there any wonder they believe other outrageous things she has said? How would a father stand a chance against such influence? .....So HE the JUDGE put this in the final order because he found it very interesting OK, have to stop there or we would get lost. NO. he put that in the order because you protested about it so, and he wanted to appease you and move on. I had no problem with it in the order and neither did my attorney, there was no objections of adding a matter of fact in the order. that all of a sudden Bruce gave you the orchard, truck trailer Porsche which you bought for him and sat there and said I don't own anything and have no income.. and gave it all away so thre is nothing for his sons No Linda, the record is public and the judge never had any such question. Those came from you when you presented your case. You add them here and no doubt speak about this like it is a matter of fact. If someone was not there or did not have the audio record, they may believe your lies, why would they not? What sane person would lie about such a thing? Then you ad this stuff about nothing for the boys? As the court investigator said in her report after interviewing you, you are more interested in money than in the boys welfare....Keep
posting all your pictures as the two of you are together and prob sitll married Now, in just a very few sentences you went from saying there was no divorce to saying, maybe??? If you don’t know, why say anything at all? it is interesting that you continue to go to Jans websites. The last time you did that from a Government computer and presented a bunch of printed pages from it, you were fired from your job   which I don't care but quit the lying and harassing of these boys If Jan has lied about something then list them linda. Number all those lies you speak about, shut her up, defend yourself and document the truth! Show the proof of your allegations! Now you stoop so low as to accuse Jan of harassment? Just come out and say it Linda, you hate Jan, always have, end of story!...They are great young men and their dad has missed out because of YOU Yep, there it is sure enough, Jan the step mother is the problem. The PA was going on long before Jan but indeed, marrying a smart and attractive LADY, sure brought out the jealousy and anger in Linda. Linda moved out and left the boys because she wanted a new man but she sure didn’t want anyone to have her old one. He chose YOU over his own sons and now is guilty for doing so Guilty of what? You made the orchard go away like you threatened and you broke up the marriage with your PA, you should be happy, why should I be guilty of anything other than being naive about the effect of Parental Alienation at the time. ....You yourself made terrible accusations against Dakota NO LINDA, NO ALIGATIONS, the TRUTH and that is DOCUMENTED with the interview in the commissioner chambers. You are sick to deny this, evil in your attempt to lie about the truth and doing a great disservice to Dakota and put cameras in your house.. You are a sick women
and point that finger at yourself Wow, incredible and disgusting
and look in the mirror...Hmmm how many times have you been married??? your a black widow spider that takes what she can and moves on to the next victim Man, you go Linda, hissssssssssss..The stress that Bruce talks about is from you and your games Hmmm, I never said that, hmmm, not at all. Yet Linda has no problem putting words in my mouth... Leave us all alone and get a life besides posting all this on the internet Did you see the last Blog I posted from a different site? It also talks about how the crazy ex will speak about the children and her being one and the same with them. Linda sure backs that one up here.........
The judge knew Bruce was lying O-my word, so now the judge knows I was lying but did nothing about it, how unbelievable and crazy is this???so that was put in the final order which gave me the opportunity to open the case back up if I wanted too...If linda really believed what she says, she would have done so in a heartbeat! It is easy to trot on down to the court house and see if someone is married. But no, Linda has no documentation of any of the accusations she makes, it’s just her words, she likes them, they sound good to her, and she repeats them out loud like they are the truth. Mind you, she does so without guilt or remorse, in her mind, she believes her own words.   Leave us all alone and move on with your LIFE.. .....Again, mother and children are still attached
Bruce is the one who had the attorney and I did not so quit blaming all this on me...What is this all about and where did that come from? I didn't write the order the judge did So, he wrote it as you asked, You wanted the opportunity to go after Jans income for child support if you could. He granted that to you. Jan just pointed out that YOU where wanting to get child support money from Jan ....STOP THE HARRASSMENT man, again with the word you love to use when the truth is presented. Truth = Harassment in Linda’s mind.... Do yourselves a favor and stop What favor would it be to cover up the truth? So the boys could not hear the truth and investigate for themselves? All the boys need is to ask themselves questions. If they wish for the truth then it is easy to see. If they don’t, then that is again their choice, but at least they will have a choice. the good christians you say you are your actions are a DISCRACE to those who really are..Interesting attack, but not something that I need to judge. The boys and anyone else can form an opinion about this pretty quickly REMEMBER 2012 IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER...If you had nothing to hide this wouldn't bother you so terribly bad Well, that is twisted! Where did it come from? Did I miss something in Jans blog about her being upset about the end of the world? Maybe it was me??? Well, I am concerned about the state of the world but not at the second coming of Christ. I know that will happen and it will be a day to rejoice in! hmmm, no one will be able to hide anything then, no body, not for any reason ...Deducate your lives to good things and not bad Attempting to save or repair a relationship with my sons by providing the truth is a good thing. An effort to educate others about the EVILS of Parental Alienation is a good thing. Trying to make changes in the family court system and hold officials and lawyers responsible for their wrong actions is a good thing. Trying to expose the abuse of children by this system and make correcting changes, is a good thing. Many people are fighting this same fight for the same reasons I am. I thank Jan for caring enough about the boys to put aside the attacks from you, the make believe friends and the little gang banger and continue to make FACTUAL posts.... All these blogs only put a wedge between those boys and their father further and further If the truth does that then so be it. If they are afraid of you and afraid of the truth, then nothing will change. If they are so intertwined and dependent on you at this time, then a truthful conversation is impossible. If they can’t handle the truth now, then I will wait until they grow up. I will always be here and I will always be inside them, I will always be their Dad, you can’t take that away, I have the photos and lasting memories   and that's exactly what you want...Bruce will bash Colton for his grades Bash Colton??? Gosh…unbelievable, now Colton’s poor grades and lousy attendance in school is somehow, something I want to use against Colton? Does anyone not hear those words in her house? Over and over and over…Every day? Can anyone deny the Doctors charges of Parental Alienation?  .. He has struggled because of abandonment from his father... Yes that's right abandonment...Now it is my fault, should have known that! I will not take the time here, because I could go on for hours. Really, I think I have, read the archived blogs, it is all there. I don’t think I need to tell anyone what I think of Lindas charges, just read the blogs. Well, then, really, after you finish this letter you will have the idea It has been since Aug of 2009 almost 2 years since he chose not to see Colton anymore Over and over, she will tell him this over and over, every day, day after day, That is why I call Linda sick, twisted and evil, That is why the BLOG, EVILS OF PA....and Bruce finally met with Dakota who is 18 now and hadn't seen him in almost a year and a don't blame me..Nope, we all understand now, linda is never to blame, linda is good, daddy is bad, got it.  you two are the aleinators and have caused your own issues...Yep, there it is, the truth is out of the bag now! Jan or me or Jan and me have alienated the boys from???Linda or ourselves??? Is that Parental Alienation, if you turn your children against yourself? Hmmm, that would be dumb. Then, wholly cow, to make it worse, you spend money on court investigations, attorneys, Doctors ect, grind your teeth to nubs and stress out to the point of losing your health….just to make sure the kids really don’t like you…hmmm, all makes sense now I bet you don't post this one as it contains the truth... and you know it Yes linda, your facts and documentations are just overwhelming! Misssy move on There you go Jan, just move on, Linda has spoken!...... I will not waste my time responding to anymore of your garbage GREAT NEWS! I am so glad that linda will not be wasting time on yours or my blog anymore. I bet that means she will stop the boys, Donna and the gang banger also huh.. I have a great life and have better things to do then post nasty things about people... Nasty things? The thing that is nasty is what Linda Kay Clark did to the family, childhood, religious upbringing, relationships and future of my Sons! Nasty and Evil.
Boys, you do what you wish. Look at the truth, and live your life with your heads up high. Work hard, play hard and enjoy life. If you wish a relationship, the door is open, the phone number is the same and the e-mail has not changed, yet. 


Friday, May 20, 2011

Shrink for Men, repost

 I have visited the website below and found its information amazing! These Doctors have really cut to the core and exposed PA in and very straight forward way. I will highlight the parts that hit home for me about my ex. If you have remarried, pay real close attention to what I highlighted in red. I wish education and training like this was mandatory in order to get a divorce! Perhaps it would save a new marriage and surly benefit children's futures!

Just to many crazy (Evil) ex wives out there, and then you have the lawyers and judges (court system as a whole) who profit from them at the expense of the children...

Does your Wife or Ex-Wife Have a Golden Uterus Complex? 15 Characteristics of the Golden Uterus

Are you frustrated with your wife or ex-wife’s attitude of “I AM THE MOTHER; YOU ARE IRRELEVANT” when it comes to raising your shared children? Does she have an over-inflated sense of self because she’s a mother? Does she believe the mere act of giving birth entitles her to special privileges and gives her absolute, unilateral power over you and the children? If so, your wife/ex-wife/mother of your children may be a golden uterus (GU) and suffer from golden uterus complex (GUC).
Golden uterus may seem like a snide term. It is. In some ways, the term is a backlash against a certain kind of woman/mother who believes she is the end-all-be-all just because she procreated, or rather, just because she procreated with you before anyone else had children with you.
You see, GUs only revere their own uteruses and motherhood. They’re dismissive of other mothers and their children; especially if they’re second or third wives. They take pride in the fact that they were the first wives; while ignoring the reality that they were such bad wives that their husbands divorced them.
Golden uteruses, despite the sense of superiority and entitlement they derive from the title “mother,” are typically lousy parents if not downright abusive parents. GUs are often the high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered parental alienators. They are the women who expect others, including their own children, to sacrifice everything at the altars they erect to themselves. Golden uteruses lay golden eggs (children) and milk their motherhood, the children and you for all you’re worth.
Here are some characteristics of the golden uterus mom:
1. GU and child are one and the same. The golden uterus child isn’t allowed to have his or her own feelings and opinions. If mommy is sad, then child must be sad. If mommy is mad, then child must be mad. If mommy hates daddy and his new wife; then child must hate daddy and his new wife. If mommy has been “wronged;” then child has been wronged.
The golden uterus believes that her best interests and the child’s best interests are synonymous. There is no “you” and “I.” The golden uterus and child are “we.” It’s a crippling symbiosis for the child in that the golden uterus feeds off of her own child to feel important, powerful and special.
2. GU and child are a two-fer. If you want to have your child in your life after you separate or divorce, the GU believes she’s a part of some twisted package deal. A golden uterus doesn’t understand (or refuses to acknowledge) that you can love  and have an independent relationship with the children without her in the middle of it. GUs will try to impose themselves into your individual relationships with the children and any new romantic relationships. However, if GU dates and remarries, it’s none of your damn business.
The GU is allowed to move on with her life. You’re expected to remain on ice, poised to mobilize whenever she demands something. When the GU child wants or needs something, you’re expected to drop everything to do the GU’s child’s bidding.
3. Disobedience is abuse to the golden uterus. If the children, father/husband/ex-husband doesn’t heed her demands, the GU perceives it as abuse. If you don’t parent the same way the GU parents (or mis-parents); you’re a bad parent. If you challenge the GU’s decisions, she’ll punish you by denying you access to the kids or taking you to court. “A GU believes that because she gave birth, she has exclusive rights to all decision-making related to said child, no matter what anyone else (including the courts or the father) say” (anonymous source).
This applies to the children, too. If they disobey mom or have the temerity to have their own feelings and opinions (you know, what childhood experts call healthy childhood development) that differ from the GU’s feelings and opinions, it’s an act of high treason. There are consequences for this. The children of GUs learn very early in life what side their bread is buttered. This is what makes PAS possible.
4. GU exceptionalism. Even though humans have been procreating since human history began, the GU believes her pregnancy and childbirth are the most special pregnancy and childbirth ever. Most women will tell you that their pregnancy and the birth of their child was one of the most special events in their lives. They don’t expect it to be the most special event in everyone else’s lives.
Furthermore, should you remarry and have children with your new wife, the GU believes that she and the child(ren) you share with her should take precedence over your current relationship and any new offspring. The GU believes she should always come first and, by association with her, the child you share.
For example, let’s say the child you share is an adult, but you’re still obligated to pay your ex, an adult, spousal support. You  remarry and have a child with a medical issue. The GU believes her spousal support should be your first priority instead of paying for the second child’s medical expenses. Twistedly enough, many family courts would support this pathological entitlement and adult dependency. As a retired judge-mediator recently told one of my clients during his divorce settlement: “You have two children. One is 16 and the other is 54 and you’re responsible for both of them because you choose to live in a patriarchal state.” This was a female judge, by the way.
5. Boundaries are for everyone else; boundaries don’t apply to the GU. No boundaries. Bupkis. You must respect the GU’s boundaries, but you’re not allowed to have any boundaries. If you have healthy boundaries, the GU will accuse you of being controlling, withholding, abusive, unresponsive and, naturally, a bad dad.
6. All other child caregivers are irrelevant. Fathers are walking ATMs. A father’s role is to financially and emotionally support the mother (i.e., be her emotional punching bag/doormat and listen to her complain about how hard it is to be a mother). That’s it. Fathers get no real input into how the children are raised.
Step-mothers are less than non-entities. They are to act as servants to the children during visitation and are less than handmaidens to the golden uterus. Step-mothers/girlfriends are intruders and are treated as such. Extended paternal family members are to act as a subservient support system to the GU, that is, if she allows them to have any access to the kids. Extended paternal family members are also expected to side with the GU over their own flesh and blood and to dispense cash for the GU’s children’s “needs.”
7. Once you have sex with a GU, she owns you for life. The golden uterus believes that if she gave birth to your children, you are “connected for life.” She should always come first (even if you’ve both remarried) and YOU OWE HER until death you do part.
This also applies to the children. GUs wield guilt over their children with staggering virtuosity. “I am your mother. I carried you for 9 months. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever break our bond. No one will ever come between us. I CARRIED you in my WOMB for NINE months. YOU can NEVER do that for me.
When the children become adults, the GU still believes she should come first in her adult children’s lives and take precedence over their spouses and children. A GU’s children owe her because she is their mother. This is just so sick and twisted. Unlike an ex-husband who can break free of this death grip; many GU kids are indoctrinated into the GU’s warped belief system and it’s extremely difficult for them to break free. If they reject the GU’s distorted belief system and abuses, they’re treated like public enemy number one and may even be disowned by the GU, which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing. Nevertheless, it’s terrifying for many children and adult children to contemplate.
This is a perversion of parenthood. These are often the women who get pregnant so that they’ll have “someone who’ll love [me] unconditionally.” They fail to understand that it’s the parent who’s supposed to meet the child’s love and safety needs and not the other way around.
8. GUs like to take kissy duck face make-out photos with their children. Facebook addicted GUs like to post kissy-duck face-make-out photos with their child(ren). It’s rather like manic, digital age pietas. “Look at meeee and my child who loves meeee! See! We’re so close we’re more like best friennnnnds!” Boundaries, shmoundaries.
These photos are similar in nature to the photos drunken college girls take of themselves with their arms wrapped around each other and their faces pressed together. Whenever I see a photo of a mother with her child in a lip lock-bear hug with a Joker smile, I think: ENMESHED GU.
9. Golden uterus mothers are feeeeeeelers. The golden uterus believes that her emotions are reason enough for any action, no matter how despicable. In fact, the GU’s feelings often trump what’s really in the child’s best interests.
For example, “I’m angry with your father” means the children are denied access to their father. Cutting the other parent out of a child’s life is rarely in the child’s best interests. However, the GU is feeeeeeling angry, wronged, ignored, disrespected, challenged, etc., so that becomes her justification to attack and/or punish others—even if her actions violate a court order.
10. Once the GU gives birth, her “job” is done. “GUs believe that simply birthing a child is all they’re responsible for as a contribution to the parenting, raising and welfare of their child. From the moment the child emerges from her hallowed trough, it is solely on the father to provide all for both her and the child” (anonymous source).
Once a GU gives birth, she has her own little foot soldier to weaponize and use as a control device over the child’s father and family. This is when many of these women choose not to return to work. By giving birth, the GU essentially has her husband over a barrel. She knows it and she uses it.
11. Children are possessions; not their own persons. “The GU views the child as her possession. The GU will take all the kudos for birthing a child, but none of the responsibility. If someone tries to point out the discrepancies, the GU will will heave out emotional garbage to cover up their horrible parenting. The GU only views the child in context to herself.  Everything is about her” (anonymous source).
12. The GU uses motherhood as an excuse. “Becoming a ‘mother’ is the GU’s excuse for EVERYTHING. She can’t work because ‘mothers don’t work.’ My husband HAS to give her all of his money because she’s the mother of his ONLY child. She lost all identity as a woman and used becoming a mother as her free ride in life” (anonymous source).
Even after their children are in school full-time, GUs still use the kids and being a mother as an excuse not to work outside the home and often not to work inside the home. “You have no idea how stressful it is being a mom.” Um, the kids are in school all day. What do you do with your time? “You always minimize all the hard work I do. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.” Um, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink when I get home from work in the evening. The laundry is piled up and the kids haven’t done their homework. What did you do all day? “HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME. I’m THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!”
13. GUs are self-appointed parenting experts. Despite the fact that her parenting behaviors should be used as an example in  How NOT to Parent 101,the golden uterus believes that having birthed a child makes them better and more knowledgeable than others; e.g., the “Well you don’t have kids so how would you know anything?” woman (anonymous source). If you should dare challenge the GU’s parenting skills and superior authority, see number 3 above.
14. Motherhood is a title and a power trip. “The golden uterus views mothering as a title rather than a relationship and a set of behaviors. Mothering requires selflessness at times. It requires sacrifice at times. It requires paying attention to the child and putting your time and energy into meeting their needs, which also requires seeing the child as a unique and separate individual from yourself, not a mirror of your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. A golden uterus mother fails at mothering and instead uses her title to extort things from others ‘in the name of the child.’ Essentially, they use their offspring as a way to get their own needs met(anonymous source).
15. The GU is never wrong. “The golden uterus seems to expect that they get a total free pass on accountability for their own behavior. I have often told my husband that his ex lives on a one way street paved in double standards. Her own bad behavior is to be overlooked. Yet she will attempt to crucify him for any and all perceived weaknesses or ‘failures.’ She is judge and jury and quick to condemn my husband (and me, for that matter) yet she can do no wrong” (anonymous source).
What can you do if the mother of your children has a golden uterus complex?
There’s nothing you can do to change her. Nothing. She’s highly unlikely to see the light and morph into a reasonable human being and good mother. Your goal, as with all high-conflict abusive types, should be containment. You accomplish containment through establishing iron-clad boundaries. Learn to say no and then practice deafening your ears to the caterwauling.
Don’t let her use your children as an extortion mechanism. Don’t allow the children to view you as a human ATM machine. In other words, don’t reward your children’s bad behavior with money, gifts, trips and other goodies, otherwise, they will view you the same way that their mother does. I know many fathers are desperate for time with their children and use toys and expensive entertainment as bait. Trust me, this is not the relationship you want with your children. It’s a quick path to time with them, but it’s an unhealthy and impermanent one.
Decide exactly how much bad behavior you’re willing to to tolerate from your ex and what offenses you want to pursue in court. Forget about co-parenting with a GU; it’s next to impossible. You will be less frustrated if you try to parallel parent. A GU will undermine you at nearly every turn. Expect it and plan for it.
Don’t put your current wife/girlfriend in the middle and don’t tolerate your ex or your children disrespecting her. Demand respect for yourself and your loved ones. If your ex and the kids violate these boundaries, find appropriate consequences for their violations.
Finally, don’t drink the golden uterus’ kool-aid. The fact that you once had a relationship with her/share a child does not bind you together for life. Just because she wants this to be the truth doesn’t make it so. Just because your ex has chosen to define herself by a failed relationship and 36 hours in a delivery room doesn’t mean you have to do the same. GUs are legends in their own minds and their own worst enemies. Minimize contact and try to foster healthy boundaries, values and senses of self in your children during the time you have them and hope it sticks.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.