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Monday, March 29, 2010

Jealousy, the root of all Evil

Gentlemen, and I am speaking just to the husbands who have remarried and are victims of an Attack from an ex-wife in the form of Parental Alienation, Stand by and protect your Wife!


It will be very difficult for you to see and understand the events and changes that occur through this ordeal but having said that, one thing is very clear and that is to stand with and defend your new wife. She will be the target of this assault also and suffer greatly because of her new relationship with you. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. This is a huge problem and your chances of a loving and successful marriage, goes down, not up in your next attempt. Many factors play into this but without a doubt, your ex spouse will play a role in destroying your new relationship also.

Jealousy; Men have those feelings but I contend, and documentation will support, that women are more effected by this emotion that men. This emotion is evil and destructive. It has no place in your world or your mind. If you are harboring such feelings, cut them lose now before it ruins your life. Jealousy is a sin and one that no relationship can survive.

Jealousy is a major role in Parental Alienation. Your ex-spouse may have always felt intimidated by your success, by your friends, by your relationship with your family, and with your relationship with your own children. She most certainly will be jealous if you remarry to a woman that is bright, intelligent and whom people consider a very beautiful lady. If your ex is insecure with their own place in life, it will manifest itself with words and actions that attempt to cast you or your new wife as a failure in some aspect. This is a personality disorder where they cannot elevate themselves so they seek to mitigate and destroy your standing. In their mind, this brings you to their level or elevates them is some way. Again, this is a mental issue and one that WILL lead to PAS as they pursue this conduct with the children. Understand that in my case my ex filed many court declarations over a year’s time and 68 times she mentioned my new wife by name in her statements enraged lies. 179 times my ex referred to a money issue and only 6 times did she have any concern for the boys. Her main concern was with Money and then attacks against Jan. Even the court investigator referenced this in her findings (all public record). The psychologist that saw my ex, documented that she had an extreme anger problem and that the PA she was conducting, was the worse he had seen in his 26 years “over the top bad”! You may have a different view but I believe that this indicates where her mind was and is. Its leans toward evil with money and jealousy at the root and heart of it.

These are reasons you must recognize PA as soon as possible. You must discuss this with your spouse and inform yourselves of all the troubles and issues you will be facing. You as a father will attempt to be a peace maker as PA takes hold between your new wife and your children. Read the information in this blog and many others. Read the books about Divorce Poison and forms of PAS. Speak with your church members together. It is a must for your relationship to get support from friends and to raise your relationship with God. PA was documented in the Bible, read it, see its effects. You must stay united, and for you husband’s that love your children, taking a stand that seems against all you know about your children, will be very difficult!

Understand that they are victims also but you can be no help to them if you can’t maintain your relationship with your wife. Yes, you must understand that Children will also be jealous of the time and affection you show your new wife. Make sure you both spread the love around!

I am very proud of the woman I chose to re-marry to. In most every way, she is very different from my ex. Jan, my sons step mother is a very strong and independent woman that raised her 5 kids on her own with no support from her ex husband or from the state. She worked hard at raising and trading horses. She drove school bus and sold real estate. She opened her home to trouble youth by running a foster home for the most angry children in the system. Her efforts won her many awards for her outstanding service to those young people.

Jan was an exemplary mother figure for my 4 boys and had a huge positive effect on their lives, up until the point that their mother stepped up her Parental Alienation agenda and targeted Jan for her anger and abusive comments. As much personal pain as I felt from the effects of PA, the pain I felt for Jan was greater than my own. To see my ex wife attack Jan in such a way and to use the my own boys as a weapon against my new wife, caused me unbearable pain.

Jan was a very good mother to my sons. She help my youngest to read and grow to really enjoy reading. He became a great reader and a very good student because of Jan and her efforts to help him. She made a huge change in our lives as she showed us all what a loving wife and mother could be. She cared for us with great homemade meals and took the time and effort to make sure the boys learned how to cook and take responsibility to clean up after themselves also. She led the way in manners at the table by playing a game involving table manners at dinner time. She encouraged us all to be respectful and show politeness to adults and the public with her own words and actions. As a former standout sports star, she helped the boys understand the level of commitment and hard work that goes into physical achievement, that it is the effort and not some misguided verbal attacks on coaches or referees that make you a winner.

My new wife came into our marriage with her own savings and invested those moneys into her new family. One of the very 1st things she did was to buy 2 very well bred and very well trained horses for the two youngest boys because she wanted them on safe horses that they would enjoy. Jan bought the boys new bed room sets that they could be proud of before buying anything for herself. She took the boys with her on family visits (many times drove 6 hours one way to get Colton out to the ranch or pick him up) and vacations alone when I could not attend. She was the driving force behind our family camping, hunting and vacations. When I was away for my job, Jan would get up early and take Dakota out to his hunting spot. She even took them snowmobiling by herself when I could not be there. The boys could not have hoped to have a more supporting and involved mother. They benefited greatly with their time with Jan and with luck, they will carry those good memories and lessons with them the rest of their lives.

My sons grew to love and respect Jan very quickly. I believe that my ex became very jealous of this situation. A situation where they were speaking very highly of Jan to their mother and explaining all the new things she did for them. As documented from court declarations, their mother was not supportive of this and considered the boys views of their step mother as a direct threat to her own position as a mother. She began using PA as a weapon as an effort to destroy this growing relationship and therefore protect herself as the only good and true mother.

As a dumbfounded male, I was wondering why we couldn’t all just get along. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail I attempted to work with my sons mother. I asked her to attend the sports programs, to move into the school district, we (jan and I) asked the boys to sit with and speak with her at the games. We both encouraged the boys to be respectful of and mind their mother while at her house. Yet actions speak loader than words as she bought 7 cars, 2 houses, refused to drive the boys to sports practices and would go out partying at night while they were in her care. The boys had to wake up with strangers in the house and witness what their mother wrote to me in an e-mail “I have young men standing in line”. They complained about their clothes smelling like smoke, they were sadden (reported to an investigator) that their mother would go out at night 2-3 times a week while they were at her house (every other week). Perhaps her actions were in part my fault because when I divorced her for sleeping around, I gave her a lot of money, everything I could scrap together at the time. So much, that I was greatly indebt following the divorce but I never wanted anyone or my sons to insinuate that I was not fair in the settlement. I believe that my ex had no idea how to be responsible with those funds (sadly, she now teaches this pattern to the boys). Nightlife, parties and gambling consumed the entire sum and she filed bankruptcy. After that filing is where she started after the boys in earnest. She needed money and if she could get custody, she could live off the child support.

 Long here and getting off point.

Gentlemen, all I can say to you is to stand with your woman! As hard as this PAS is on you, understand that she also suffers greatly and that she needs you!

This has grown a little long and has not even touched the extent of my situation but I leave you today with one learned piece of advice. Love your wife, trust her, communicate with her and if forced to make a choice between her and your children that are being alienated, adore and love your wife! There may be nothing you can do right for your children under PSA but you can and must do right by your wife.

Trust in God and follow the word of the Bible. The Bible will give you the strength to deal with the problems and the wisdom to make the correct decisions.



Jan took Dakota and grand kids to the zooBoys having fun with Jans Grand kidsJan and boys at the fishing lake we rode intoJan took the boys for a ranch vacationJan enjoying snowmobling with the boysJan took the boys to a ranch danceJan with the boys Great GrandmotherJan and the boys having a great Colo tripFamily having fun outside in the sunJan, Dakota and Colton having fun riding4 boys having fun with Jan in the snowKaleb, Dakota and Colton having a blast with JanMe, Jan, Kaleb, Mom and Colton

24 comments:

  1. Great post and very true! I have read all your posts and believe your ex is very mentally ill. Her actions should be a crime! We, as husbands sometimes get blinded by our love and fail to see all that is happening around us. Looks like in your case you are only guilty of loving your children and being oblivious to the PAS and its real impact on your wife. The courts and their stand on child support is a major reason crazy ex wives are empowered to and rewarded by their PA actions.
    Keep up your blog and maybe someday this nation will wake up
    PS. Your kids looked very happy with your new wife and she sure looks like a great and caring mom!

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  2. To many Families are being devastated by a jealous, evil, crazy ex wife like yours, mine and many others. I agree with the comment to take the money away! I am in the process of suing mine right now and I think we will be successful. If I am right, this will have a huge effect on the whole issue!

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  3. Found your blog with a search and thank you! Your information and your video interview with Dr. Major was a real eye opener! As a female teacher I see the adverse effects and I would like to have a class that spent a week with this huge issue. The future of America depends on our children and how they are raised.

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  4. I read your stupid blog and you and the rest of your disturbed readers are stupid mental ill, crazy, abusive SOBs!
    You think it is never your fault and blame everything on your children’s mother, get a life. You all need to treat your wife better, you got what you deserved, pay up!
    PS, Fu*k your new live in whores

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  5. The Tieton ReporterApril 6, 2010 at 7:03 AM

    Well, from Linda's last comment here I think she pretty well clears up any doubts OR questions about her serious mental illness or her need to seek revenge when she states "PAY UP".
    She's obviously still obsessing (after 8 years of divorce) over who Bruce sleeps with when she ends her comment with "ps Fu*ck your new live in whores".

    Interesting that court records in the Yakima County Courthouse show her stating "I have younger men standing in line", and that she's pulled a gun on her boyfriends WIFE, yet Bruce has "live in whores"??

    If she's so interested in whats being posted on the internet maybe she should read her own son's statements online, everyone else has.

    I'll keep praying for you all....

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  6. The above comment is a perfect example of a fustrated woman! No matter where they try to get in life they are still less then if they would have been with us.

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  7. He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.

    Martin Luther King, Jr.

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  8. I write to you today, after receiving a phone call from the attorney telling us "our" case is "dead-in-the water", actually, upset, sad, angry, are words that don't even begin to describe how I feel right now. But I wanted to thank you for this blog post. I am the "stepmom", I have walked many years in those shoes. I am guilty of loving my stepdaughter as my own. I have fought side by side with my husband throughout this never ending nightmare. Your article is the first I've seen which addresses our no-win situation which a step-parent of a parentally alienated child endures. I, much like your wife Jan, am only guilty of being the 2nd mom to a child that desperately needed a "mother-figure", since her "real" mother was more interested in "punishing" her ex-husband than being a mom to her daughter. I found your blog post at the exact right moment....thank you for acknowledging us, the step-parents that suffer through this ordeal although in the system, we basically DO NOT count. Thanks !

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    1. As a step mom who is living it, Thank You! and Amen!

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  9. Great information here. Thanks and very nice family photos!

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  10. Have you bothered to read your own blog? Children have one mother, and I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden. It is fine to come in and love your new spouses children and be a good role model for them, but it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one. You mentioned in your blog numerous times what a great "mom" your new wife is to your boys. Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her. I have the same problem with my childs stepmother. I am a great and loving mom. I got along just fine with my ex and we were able to co-parent together until his new wife came along. She wants to be mom now and wants me out of the picture. It is very damaging to a child when a new person comes along and thinks they are a replacement for their own parent and they know best, etc. etc. Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out to get rid of their competition they feel. VERY SAD!!!

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  11. My son's stepmom does the same things. She thinks I should be thankful of her and all she says she does for my son. All I ask of her is to show my son respect, as he should show her respect, she's an adult, and for her to be fair to my son with having kids of her own in their home. I never asked her to have my son call her my name which is Mom. I never asked her to move in and play house with my kid bad mouthing me and my Fiance in front of my son causing damage to our relationships. Or to take him to the doctor authorizing medical treatment for a kid that's not hers as she knows nothing about my or my family's medical history and hasn't cared enough to ask me for it. I honestly think she lists hers and her family's medical history for my son. I didn't ask her to sign school forms illegally listing herself as my sons mother removing my information completely. What in the world could I have or any mother in this situation have to be thankful of? The damage this person has caused and continues to cause to my child and the natural bond between a mother and her child? Well I'm not thankful and it should be against the law for stepmothers to have kids that aren't theirs call them mom unless the childs mother isn't in their lives for some reason. It's interference in children's bonds and relationships with their natural parents. You can show kids a loving, happy, and stable home without having the kids call this women mom. The law in the state I live in is a child has 2 parents 1 mother who is female, 1 father who is male. Having kids call 2 people mom or 2 people dad isn't real, it's pretend. It can also be damaging and confusing to the kids and could make them feel like they have to choose between the 2.

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  12. I agree with the person above. Step mothers come into a situation and want to take over. I too noticed how you called your wife Jan "mom". She is not the mother, period! There is an interfering step mother in my life too. She bad mouths me to my own child, she makes my child feel like I dont know how to parent and even has called me by my first name to my daughter instead of calling me mom. Its insane how people actually think this is ok. It is damaging to place a child in the middle of something and expect them to be ok with it. Just because you dont like your ex doesnt mean its ok for you to call someone new mom and pretend the real mom is crazy all because you and your wife think you found a replacement. So sad for the kids.

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  13. There are many crazy ex-wives out there. She always uses the title “biological mom” to extend her power over her ex-husband’s new family. She definitely is a lonely woman. Because of her evil, no man dares to stay with her. If a mother truly cares for her child, she should keep the child away from her personal matters and should not put unnecessary pressure on the child.

    To the evil ex-wives, please do not hold onto bitterness and resentment. All the negative talks would take up your mental space and make you look jealous and petty. You should let go your frustration with yourself and use your energy to figures out what changes you need to make your hopeless life to be more fulfilled and success. Release it and let it go!

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  14. To "Have you bothered to read your own blog".
    Stop watching so much Lifetime and their movie network.You don't need to concern yourself about your ex husband and especially his NEW Wife. You just worry about doing what you're supposed to, and quit worrying about how much fun his new wife is having with the kids and husband you dumped!

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    1. Our concern is to keep our kids safe from physical and also emotional harm. What we're supposed to be doing is keeping our kids safe from people who mentally abuse them which includes sometimes our ex-husbands "NEW WIFE." Sorry it's fun for her to play games and abuse my kids and my husband that I dumped for cheating doesn't see what she's doing to our kids.

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    3. Anonymous, You sound very bitter and I do not believe a word you say. You simply attack your ex and his wife without saying one word about what is going on. I and many Doctors have seen and heard this type of rant many times. You need to get a grip on your life and stop letting your jealousy and anger run your life. This is for your own mental health but if you won’t do it for yourself, clean up your act for the sake of the children!
      Leave your Ex alone and stop blaming and attacking his new wife!
      The Golden rule; “If you don’t have something good to say, keep your mouth shut!”

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    5. My word lady, you just made a post and now you are posting the same thing again but adding “Our” as if you and your other personality are now in agreement with each other.
      Please stop this and seek professional help.

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    6. Didn't mean to post twice. Thought the first one didn't post so I wrote another one a few minutes later trying to make the same point as the first one. Words were changed because sometimes you can't remember exactly what you said word for word the first time. It feels like we're in court and you're trying to discredit what I said because the two posts didn't match word for word? I also didn't realize I was supposed to throw personal details of my life involving my children out there to people I don't know when I was simply only trying to make a comment. You obviously have a little too much time on your hands to hang around these sites waiting for people to comment so you can dissect their posts and diagnose their personality from only reading a couple of sentences they've written.

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    7. OK, last time Anonymous;
      Sorry you made a mistake and posted twice. It is disturbing that you now make a reference to us “we’re” in court. Is seems you have a need to fight and argue about some perceived wrong in your life. As to my time on “these sites” I do this one blog, on this subject and attempt to reply to all comments. If you have viewed the blog you would see the last post was a long time ago.
      You comment “It should have been called When Fathers Don't Approve of Their Ex's Parenting Style.” Is just an attack on me and that is fine if that is what you wish to do. If you have read the posts on this blog, you cannot intelligently make your comments. This blog does talk about the effects of PA and in fact those are on display here. You really should read the blog before making comments that are simply untrue.
      Many people from all over the world have viewed and commented on the posts here. I do believe it has made somewhat of a positive impact on people’s lives. That is the purpose and goal of this effort.
      PA is very evil and should be discussed in any “D” court and proceedings.
      PA is most harmful to the children and that is the whole focus of this blog. Please read and try to understand and then perhaps you can look inward and ask yourself if you have or are engaged in PA.
      Hope this helps you.

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  15. I find this post to be dripping with insecurity and vitriol for those children's mother, as if to undermine her at every turn. As a BM and SM...this show of yours would break my heart. Definitely some overstepping and replacement attempts here.

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    1. To this comment; It seems you have been hurt in your life and I feel sorry for you. Your defense of the actions of my ex wife is without merit. If you have researched this blog you would see many letters she sent that supports this post. You simply have no idea what you are speaking to and yet will judge and accuse without doing your home work. Your comment is not valid and lacks any perception into the evils of PA. I hope you learn from this, modify your thoughts and open your mind.

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