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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Yes, they are Mentally ill

Jan (stepmom) and the boys on one of many trips togethere.

Everyone needs to understand that the parent, be it a man or a women, that conducts in Alienation of children from the other parent is mentally ill. They have to be! No sane person would do such a thing. They have total disregard for their children and are consumed by hate and seeking revenge against their ex spouse for what they perceive as some wrong done to them. In some cases the Alienator has had a self esteem issue of their own since childhood. This leads to a future problem where even in a marriage they have a need to receive more affection from the kids than what the other parent has. They start PA very early with small remarks about say, the father is working and “dad just doesn’t have time for you now”, “leave your father alone, he has had a long day and doesn’t need you around right now” “Your dad is busy” “he missed your game because he has more important things to do”. They do this to instill in the children that they are the good and caring parent. This is how the mentally ill person builds up their self image in their own minds. This gives them a feeling of self worth by explaining to anyone that will listen, that they are better than their spouse in some way. This desire is again caused from low self esteem that most likely is deeply ingrained in the person. If you look back at the childhood of the PA parent, you will find a person who has never achieved any childhood dream (or as adults) on their own. They are by definition, failures. They were average to poor students, had few friends, and considered themselves above the others children as a defense mechanism.

This defense system worked well for them as children and, as adults in a stressful situation, we see it escalate again. You can hear them on the phone and in the grand stands. Anytime they have a chance you will hear them bad mouthing other people, coaches and players because their kid is being treated unfairly in some way. They won’t take the time to help their children increase their skills or better their game or study in class, because it is much quicker and easier to verbally assault the perceived offender. “Joey gets good grades because he is the teacher’s pet” “Marcy thinks she owns the team, that is why my Lynn doesn’t get to play” “Jeff is just too hard on the players, my son doesn’t like him and that is why Joe doesn’t get much playing time”.

It happens all the time and then you add in the big (D) and the person with a personality disorder, loses all self control and reasoning. They forget about what is good for the children and are consumed with their own image.

Remarry and the mentally ill person, perceives this as the last insult. Remarry to someone that your ex spouse is jealous of and you better be ready for war! They cannot see anything but their own rejection and that notion consumes them. Because they have such low regard for themselves, they will feel very threatened. (my friends like her more than me) (my kids like him more than me)(everyone thinks she is so pretty and they look so happy together) (sure, he takes them places but he doesn’t have to work like me). On and on and bla, bla, bla. In women, you will see them gain weight in an effort to comfort themselves with food or drink. They will dye their hair and put on fake tans in order to combat their own image of an inadequate body type.

Now the fight for the love of the children is in full swing and so is the Parental Alienation! I have no words of wisdom on how to stop this. It may be inevitable is most cases. The presents of close family members seems to be the try that holds the PA person at bay. Their own parents and relatives will see their attempt for what it is and for the most part, will step in to confront the untruths. But, separate the family by distance and all bets are off. The it becomes a matter of choosing sides and offering support.

More about jealousy, hate and root of all evil, money, in the next blog!

Check out the other links and informtion on those sites.




  1. Did you know that in your State of WA that the government pays $344 per month for child support to a foster home? Is PA big business for a mother? You bet it is! I pay over $900 a month for one kid. If the state says it takes only $344 to raise a child, why are fathers paying so much more? If the payment is good enough for the state, it sure as hell should be good enough for me my children and my money grabbing crazy ex wife!! My ex wife is in it just for the money! Take away the money and she and others will have no incentive to destroy their own children for MONEY! It’s all about MONEY, follow the trail!!!!!!!! Money, money and more money to freeloading ex wives!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. My late husband was tricked into marrying his ex-wife. She openly admitted to a large group of girls at a slumber party that she lied about being pregnant when she wasn't and that the only reason she wanted to get married was to get away from her step-mother and move in with her mother. When her mother found out about it, she committed suicide rather than have her daughter move in with her. The marriage didn't even last three years. She filed for a divorce in February of 1982. The divorce was final a few months later. I met my late husband in July 1982. She even told him to ask me out. We married in November of 1983 and were married for 10 years before he died. Over the years she had multiple men live with her. She even had convicts move in with her straight out of prison and was named in divorce proceedings as an adultress twice that I know of. She eventually married a second time to a man 15 years older than her. When my husband died in July 1993, she was extremely angry that she and her new husband were not allowed to sit with the family at his funeral. (My late husband HATED her. He was financially responsible for two children that he was not the father of due to the Texas Bastard Law.) To this day, she states that I am the reason my husband left her and that I am responsible for her children growing up without a father. She moved the kids over 1000 miles away to keep him from seeing them and constantly told the kids that their dad and I didn't love them. When our first child came in February 1987, she went bullistic. All of a sudden, she had to move back and she wanted us to have the kids pretty much 24 hours. It backfired on her because the kids wanted to stay with us instead of her. So she started refusing to allow us to see them again and would literally take them to the bars with her. Child protective services were called multiple times and they NEVER did anything other than make her take a parenting course one time. When my husband died in an accident, she expected to get a huge insurance check. She forgot that she refused to give us the kid's SS#'s so we could put them as beneficiaries on a policy several years earlier. She was livid when she found out there was no insurance money for her kids, but there was insurance money that I was the beneficiary of. She divorced this man almost 30 years ago and she is still telling her lies and being completely obsessed about him. Mentally ill? Do I even have to say yes?

  3. Child support should reflect each states Foster Child Support Payment the state deems acceptable. So called loving and concerned mothers would be abandoning their kids in droves!