Avoid PA by working on your marriage!

If we are going to have true intimacy in our marriages, we have to disarm the issues that hinder it. One of those is anger. Anger can be destructive in a marriage.

The first thing I want you to know is that anger is inevitable. It's a normal response. You will never be so spiritual that you don't get angry. Jesus even got angry. Great marriages still have anger.

Anger that occurs today is manageable. There's nothing wrong with it. But yesterday's anger is a very dangerous thing. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, "Be angry, and do not sin: Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil."

What that passage means is that anger, if it is not dealt with, can become toxic and destructive. It can harden hearts. It has to be resolved in righteous way. If it is not dealt with—if you let the sun "go down" on it—then it builds in intensity for the next time.

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God never designed us to be a repository for anger. We are made for anger to enter for a brief time, and then leave. Never to stay. That's why the Bible is so insistent on forgiveness, because we can't endure it. Unforgiveness and pent-up anger are corrosive on every level.

Anger leads to a whole system of thoughts—fear, accusations, pride—that can create a destructive barrier between you and your spouse. Every time anger arrives and you don't deal with it, that wall grows higher.

So we must resolve anger in marriage. How should we do it?

First, we need to choose the right setting. Don't do it around the kids. Your children need to watch you relate and talk things out, but serious issues should be handled in private when your emotions are under control.

Second, begin every confrontation with affirmation. Research indicates that a conversation never rises above the level of the first three minutes. The way you start talking to each other dictates how the conversation will end. If you begin with threats, you've already set a negative tone for the conversation.

Instead, begin by saying, "I love you and I'm glad that we're married, but I need to talk to you about something." We're made in God's image, and Psalm 100 says we enter His courts with praise—with positive words.

Finally, communicate your complaint without fixed judgments or interpretations. There's a difference between complaining and criticizing. Complaining is talking about me and my feelings, but without interpreting it—because I don't know what's in your heart.

Criticizing is an attack. It's me telling you how you're feeling and interpreting your motives. It makes the other person defensive. Complaints should be about a specific issue ("You said this and it made me feel stressed out") rather than a global one ("You never do anything around here").

Don't go to bed angry. Create in your marriage a habit pattern of dealing with it every day. When you do deal with conflict, do it the right way: respectfully, with kindness and a tender heart.

You won't be able to avoid anger, but you can avoid its destructive qualities by never letting it fester. Don't let the sun go down on your anger.

 Taking time to enjoy each other and all the blessings that God gives us. Love you Baby :)

Just stick to your values and keep on keeping on!

Isaiah 40:31

“But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength.     (waiting is the hard part, you must have faith!)

They will fly high on wings like eagles.     (You will get a reward, and it may come in many forms)

They will run and not grow weary.    (because you have the Lord in your heart, He will strengthen you)

They will walk and not faint”.    (You will stand by your convictions and go forward with truth and facts)

Unlike most other plants, Chinese bamboo is quite unique on its own (like your child). When this bamboo is planted, watered, and nurtured for the whole growing season (just as parent that suffers separation from their child due to PA, you still need to nurture in your own way), it does not outwardly develop even just for an inch. (do not get discouraged when your efforts show no result) Then, on the next growing season, the farmer must continue to irrigate, fertilize and care for the bamboo tree and yet nothing happens – it fails to sprout just the same. (Time and time again, year after year it seems that you fail in your effort)

And as the seasons go in and out, the farmer has to continue caring for the bamboo for four consecutive years. (just keep on trying, don’t change) What could really be discouraging is the farmer has nothing substantial to demonstrate for all of his labor in caring and growing the tree. Four lonely years of hard work and caring and yet you have nothing! (just like with the efforts to educate your child or children, you can becomes discouraged, don't give in to that pressure)

And then on the fifth year, something so amazing and incredible Happens! (you just never know the day when all your work will pay off)

All the hard work seems to be paid off on the fifth year because that Chinese bamboo tree seed at last grows and not just growing as we normally see with other plants. The bamboo tree shoots up to more than 80 feet all in just one growing season! Now, that is a very astonishing demonstration of the power of nature! (you have hope, just as the farmer waits for this tree and those who love God wait on the Lord, just keep watering and waiting!)

                   So many smiles, so much love!

Doctors Comment

The Doctors Comment is below my remarks

It is nice to know that the people who view this blog are a very diverse crowd. Most are victims of PA or a mental disorder in some manner but we also have those like this doctor who are willing to take the time to contribute to the information posted here.

The point of my  blog is that information is the only real way to combat the lies that have been told and drilled into to your children’s minds.

The debate from the good Doctor could be; does the mental illness from a PA practicing parent effect the mental wellness of your children. Or, is it genetic? Look at the practicing parent, does his or her parents suffer from a mental illness? Do they show signs of odd behavior? If so, is it preordained that the children will suffer also?

I maintain that in most cases, we make our own choices. That if your children can get away from the crazy, mentally ill parent, they can grow up with at least a better value structure in life and thus, perhaps, raise and treat their own families better and without the  Parental Alienation that effected their own lives, ruined their childhood and maybe adversely effected their future happiness.

Pray for those children, that their minds and their happiness can be filled, made whole and complete with the love of God.

Dr N PHD has left a new comment on your post "Comment posted":

Yes, unfortunately we do learn from our environment. A great example is the poem “Children Learn What They Live”.
However, this poster is not taking into consideration the evidence which clearly shows that BPD, Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, Anxiety/Panic, Depression and a host of other mental illness is proven to be Genetic so with that said, merely showing the children that their mother is suffering from mental illness simply may not work because a percentage of those same children are going to be suffering from a mental illness also.
Sincerely,
Dr. N PHD



Posted by Dr N PHD to Evils Of Parental Alienation at May 4, 2011 6:21 PM

 In my case, the doctors words are interesting as my ex was on medication for years, perhaps still is (or should be) and that other doctors point out that her actions indicate a mental problem. All the court documents point to and suggest that she has an extreme anger problem and without a doubt, (documented) practices Parental Alienation and has for years even while we were still married. I was just to blind and to ignorant of this issue to see it.

Yet the sick and evil part that the court systems plays in all of this, is just as disturbing and disguising

 The love of grandchildren is such a blessing! It helps to fill the deep holes in your heart.

Comment posted

I just wanted to post this comment because there is good information for us all in it.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "What is Parental Alienation?":

My ex-mother-in-law did this to her 4 children (includes my ex-wife). That woman was not even divorced. My ex-wife grew up thinking this was normal behavior & was trying the same with our 2 children. My kids know now about the ADHD, BP, OCD, ODD, BPD in the maternal family. Getting the kids to the point of recognizing mental illness allows them to "see" these women for what they really are.. evil to the core. Simply make sure their trust in these women is broken, the rest is easy.

A psychologist will jump all over me for suggesting this, but I have concluded that they are too stuck projecting their false reality onto families. Psychologists only feed codependency, that doesn't help the kids. Break their trust by presenting the facts immediately. Then continue to be there & parent your kids.

The courts, psychologists, & droves of "Bitter Fat Divorced Women" (transitional friends) harm children by supporting mentally ill women. Trust in your kids intelligence. My kids know who Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy actually was (Dad). They now live with two witches & show vigilance to their tactics.

Give your kids a copy of "Understanding the Borderline Mother".



Posted by Anonymous to Evils Of Parental Alienation at May 4, 2011 7:58 AM 

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