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Friday, January 22, 2010

What is Parental Alienation?

There is a huge amount of information about this subject but very little positive results. I have posted much information in my April blogs at  My crazy ex wife even copied from my site and attached some information about parental alienation in a declaration to the court, She was trying to show how angry a person I am, and she thought this would support her claim. Unbelievable, totally unbelievable and yet it’s on par for this whole nightmare. Please take a look at the April blogs, I think there were 7 different blogs that month about this. I will continue to post internet information here and explain/document my case. You decide if my ex wife Linda is crazy, evil or just after money. I will make you a case that she is all three and then some. As the Doctor said, this is the worst case he has ever seen, it’s over the top bad and the mother needs a full mental evaluation.

Below is from From Jayne Major, Ph.D;
Who discovered Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?

In association with this growing child-custody litigation, forensic psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner first identified Parental Alienation Syndrome in the 1980's. He noticed a dramatic increase in the frequency of a disorder rarely observed before, that of programming or brainwashing of a child by one parent to denigrate the other parent.

However, the disorder wasn't just brainwashing or programming by a parent. It was confounded by what Dr. Gardner calls self-created contributions by the child in support of the alienating parent's campaign of denigration against the targeted parent. He called this disorder Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), a new term that includes the contribution to the problem made by both the parent and the child.

What is PAS?

Gardner's definition of PAS is:

1. The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes.

2. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification.

3. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) of a parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent.

Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition, Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.

What is the child's part in PAS?

Gardner notes that the PAS is more than brainwashing or programming, because the child has to actually participate in the denigrating of the alienated parent. This is done in primarily the following eight ways:

1. The child denigrates the alienated parent with foul language and severe oppositional behavior.

2. The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger.

3. The child is sure of him or herself and doesn't demonstrate ambivalence, i.e. love and hate for the alienated parent, only hate.

4. The child exhorts that he or she alone came up with ideas of denigration. The "independent-thinker" phenomenon is where the child asserts that no one told him to do this.

5. The child supports and feels a need to protect the alienating parent.

6. The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated parent.

7. The child uses borrowed scenarios, or vividly describes situations that he or she could not have experienced.

8. Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.

In severe cases of parent alienation, the child is utterly brain- washed against the alienated parent. The alienator can truthfully say that the child doesn't want to spend any time with this parent, even though he or she has told him that he has to, it is a court order, etc. The alienator typically responds, "There isn't anything that I can do about it. I'm not telling him that he can't see you."

Why is PAS a double bind for the child?

When children spend time with the father, and enjoy it, they are put into a double bind. Clearly, they cannot tell the mother that dad treats them well or that they had fun together. They want to bond with the father, but don't dare. They figure out on which side the bread is buttered (who has the power), and their survival needs tug at them. Therefore, children will tell the mother about everything they didn't enjoy about time spent with the father, which will add to her belief that they don't like to be with him. These children feel that they must protect the mother

What happens to the child when you can't stop PAS?

Obviously, without anyone to stop the alienation from progressing, the child will become estranged from the alienated parent. The relationship with this parent will eventually be severed. It is doubtful that, without psychological intervention as the child grows, he or she will ever understand what happened.

The child's primary role model will be the maladaptive, dysfunctional parent. He or she will not have the benefit of growing up with the most well-adjusted parent and all that this parent can contribute to enrich the child's life. Many of these children come to experience serious psychiatric problems.

Will they ever grow up and realize what happened to them? Without someone who can recognize the syndrome and counsel them about it, it isn't likely that they will ever figure it out. However, there have been exceptions where the child and the alienated parent have been successfully reunified later in life.

Our courts, social services and mental health workers are all committed to stop child abuse and neglect when they see it occurring. Unfortunately, in PAS situations a dramatic and loud complaint from the alienating parent often ends up being acted upon without an investigation as to the accuracy of the allegation. This frequently removes the alienated parent from the children and allows the alienating parent considerable additional time to proceed with the alienation.

By the time all of the evaluations are in place and the case is heard by the court, considerable damage has been done to the child. It is an irony that the very people we turn to for help in such a difficult situation can often be those who most contribute to allowing the on-going abuse and neglect of the child to continue.

Can the alienation of children be reversed?

As children get older, the alienation can be reversed with proper psychological care. However, it won't work if the alienating parent is not contained. In the last case described above, the mother had severely limited visiting rights. She had remarried and had a new child, however, she still regularly calls the police to report the father for abuse. Presently, the daughter resides with her father, receives weekly therapy and hates the police. She gradually understands how disturbed her mother is.

In the former case, where the mother was kidnapping the children, she now sees them two hours a month at the Department of Children's Services with a social worker present to monitor everything that she says and does. The girls have also been in extensive therapy and are doing well.

Since this is among the most severe kinds of abuse of a child's emotions, there will be scars and lost opportunities for normal development. The child is at risk of growing up and being an alienator also, since the alienating parent has been the primary role model.

View this blog each day to view the updated information and understand what has happened to me and my family. Your comments are welcome below;



  1. I don’t know if I should but... I told you for years about her! I saw her out partying while you two were still married, black mini skirt, push up bra and all! After you split, she was a regular bar fly. She was traveling with guys, (I heard this were big events) sleeping with them…I think she had them over at her house when your boys were there also. Man, you were just blind! Still, my heart goes out to you man…whip that cancer thing and move on with your life.

  2. know, hindsight is 20-20 but I just loved the boys and that was my focus.
    I don't need to say bad things about Linda here, people know what she is and why. I'm just attempting to help others going through this or maybe stop it from happing to others.
    Thanks for your note Mr. Anonymous :)

  3. Just saw your sign yesterday. So sorry for all that you have been through. Life has many up and downs and we both are sure you will get yours back together soon.
    We will pray for you, the boys and for their future.

  4. My ex-mother-in-law did this to her 4 children (includes my ex-wife). That woman was not even divorced. My ex-wife grew up thinking this was normal behavior & was trying the same with our 2 children. My kids know now about the ADHD, BP, OCD, ODD, BPD in the maternal family. Getting the kids to the point of recognizing mental illness allows them to "see" these women for what they really are.. evil to the core. Simply make sure their trust in these women is broken, the rest is easy.

    A psychologist will jump all over me for suggesting this, but I have concluded that they are too stuck projecting their false reality onto families. Psychologists only feed codependency, that doesn't help the kids. Break their trust by presenting the facts immediately. Then continue to be there & parent your kids.

    The courts, psychologists, & droves of "Bitter Fat Divorced Women" (transitional friends) harm children by supporting mentally ill women. Trust in your kids intelligence. My kids know who Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy actually was (Dad). They now live with two witches & show vigilance to their tactics.

    Give your kids a copy of "Understanding the Borderline Mother".

  5. Thank you for your comment and advice. I hope that everyone takes your advice and reads the book, "Understanding the Borderline Mother".