Fathers & Families

May 25, 2010

Top Story

A group of 50 mental health experts from 10 countries are part of an effort to add Parental Alienation Disorder to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders?(DSM V), the American Psychiatric Association's "bible" of diagnoses. This scientific coalition is led by psychiatrist William Bernet, who explains that adding PAD to DSM "would spur insurance coverage, stimulate more systematic research, lend credence to a charge of parental alienation in court, and raise the odds that children would get timely treatment."

Fathers & Families wants to ensure that the DSM-5 Task Force is aware of the scope and severity of Parental Alienation. To this end, in December we asked our supporters to write the Task Force to urge them to consider including Parental Alienation Disorder in DSM-5. As usual, the response was overwhelming. It also helped lead to progress--while as expected the newly-released draft version does not specifically include Parental Alienation Disorder, the DSM-5 Task Force has now listed Parental Alienation Disorder among the "Conditions Proposed by Outside Sources...that are still under consideration by the work groups." Gaining inclusion isn't easy--David J. Kupfer, M.D., the chair of the DSM-V Task Force, recently told the media that with any disorder proposed for inclusion, "The door to get in [the manual] is pretty hard."

Over the past couple months Fathers & Families has been embroiled in a public controversy with Paul J. Fink, M.D., an Editorial Board member of the?Clinical Psychiatry News, a prominent mental health publication. Dr. Fink, who is also a professor of psychiatry at Temple University, has long been one of the leading opponents of recognizing Parental Alienation. Our recently published letter "Inexcusable Remarks" (5/10) in the?Clinical Psychiatry News explains the controversy. We wrote:

Clinical Psychiatry News? board member Dr. Paul J. Fink makes a shockingly irresponsible assertion in his recent column. He writes that family court reform groups seeking to have parental alienation disorder seriously considered for inclusion in the DSM-5 are doing so because they "don't like to be interfered with when they are sexually abusing their children." No, that is not a misprint.

Dr. Fink directs the comment at "This group [that] has petitioned the DSM task force to include PAS in the publication," meaning Fathers & Families. As is well known, since December, thousands of letters have been sent from Fathers & Families members to the three leaders of the DSM task force as part of our public campaign on the issue. The purpose of the letters has been to be sure that members of the task force understand how prevalent and devastating the effects of PAD are. But we have respectfully left the determination of whether PAD belongs in the DSM-5 to those in the mental health professions. All information concerning our campaign can be seen on our website at fathersandfamilies.org.

Fathers & Families has conducted itself responsibly and professionally throughout the campaign, and Dr. Fink has absolutely no basis for his assertions. We demand that Dr. Fink either publicly provide a documented basis for defaming us as individuals and as an organization or that Clinical Psychiatry News?publish a full retraction, publicly positioned, of Dr. Fink's outrageous comments.

We also can't help but wonder whether a person so ready to make unsubstantiated accusations of criminal behavior properly belongs on the editorial board of a responsible publication.

Our? letter demanding a retraction? was signed by Fathers & Families Board member Thomas C. Meyers, Esq., a partner in the prestigious international law firm Brown Rudnick LLP, F & F Board Member Robert Franklin, Esq., F & F Board Chairman Ned Holstein, M.D., M.S., and myself.

Because Fink is a professor of psychiatry at Temple University, we also sent letters to John M. Daly, MD, Dean of the Temple University School of Medicine and William Dubin, MD, Interim Chair of the Psychiatry and Behavioral Science Department of the Temple University School of Medicine. In the letter to Daly and Dubin, which can be seen?here, we explained:

We also cannot help but wonder whether a person so ready to make unsubstantiated accusations of criminal behavior properly belongs on the faculty of such a well respected Medical School such as Temple University and wanted to be sure you were aware of his unfounded and irresponsible comments.

Since Dr. Fink practices in Pennsylvania, we also sent a letter of complaint to Pennsylvania's Bureau of Enforcement and Investigation's Professional Compliance Office.

In response, Dr. Fink, to his credit, apologized and retracted his defamatory statement in the latest issue of the?Clinical Psychiatry News. Dr. Fink wrote:

I apologize for suggesting that all fathers who accuse mothers of PAS are sexually abusing their children. That was clearly an overstatement that I retract. Admittedly, I got carried away when writing the article?I had absolutely no intention of impugning Dr. Bernet, his colleagues, or Fathers & Families in any way. I hope we can all come to an agreement about what constitutes alienation, how to deal with PAS, and how to proceed in court hearings when someone alleges that one or another parent is an alienator or an abuser.

On the subject of Parental Alienation, Dr. Fink also wrote:


I do not deny that parental alienation occurs and that a lot of people are hurt when there is an alienator?My major point is that all allegations of alienation by a parent need to be investigated. I am very interested in ensuring that the right thing is done on behalf of the children and that we stop any alienation of a parent that is occurring. It's the court's responsibility to ensure that a good evaluation is done.

We agree with Dr. Fink, and echoed similar sentiments in our recent column? Preventing courts from considering parental alienation will harm kids?(Capitol Weekly, 2/25/10):

Parental Alienation is a serious problem. When fact-finding in custody cases, judges and custody evaluators must be able to properly consider all available evidence. When abuse is alleged, the accusation merits serious consideration. When Parental Alienation is alleged, the accusation merits serious consideration, too.

Fink has long been an opponent of Fathers & Families and the Family Court Reform movement, particularly during our successful 2005?Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing?Breaking the Silence. In response to our massive popular campaign, PBS commissioned an entirely new film on child custody issues?a film which was balanced and generally sympathetic to divorced fathers.
The debate over Parental Alienation has long been marred by hysterics and wild accusations from some of those who believe that family law courts should not recognize Parental Alienation. Fink's retraction and related statement are a significant step towards rationalizing this debate and focusing on the crucial task of protecting children of divorce from harm.

Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D., a member of the Bernet group, told the Clinical Psychiatry News, "Certainly, intelligent people can disagree about parental alienation without resorting to accusing one another of being sexual abusers." We agree, and hope that the quality of the debate over Parental Alienation can be elevated.

Fathers and Families is a family court reform organization with a comprehensive strategy, an impressive history of legislative and fundraising success, and the largest reach of any advocacy group of its kind:

Opponents of recognizing Parental Alienation have been making a lot of headway in the media recently. Last month Dr. Phil did an hour long special called "Crisis in Family Court". The view put forward both by Dr. Phil and his various guests was that mothers were losing custody of their children to abusive fathers, and that the courts were favoring fathers even when there is strong evidence that they are violent or have sexually abused their children. The show featured Kathleen Russell of the well-funded mothers' family court advocacy group The Center for Judicial Excellence.

As we pointed out in?Report: Did Dr. Phil Unwittingly Promote False Accusations on Recent 'Family Court Crisis' Show??(4/26/10), the case Russell took to Dr. Phil was portrayed very inaccurately--the mother had made repeated sexual abuse allegations against the father, the girl had been medically examined for possible child sexual abuse on five separate occasions, and not one of the examinations substantiated any of the charges.

As we also noted,?NOW recently criticized Fathers & Families over Our Campaign to Ask DSM to Include Parental Alienation in Upcoming Edition?and warned of an alleged crisis in family court because of Parental Alienation.

Please click on the link to the Fathers and Families website, posted here under favorites.

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We don't "drug" our kids enough!

I just had to put this head line in for my crazy ex who has submitted this blog site to the court in my ongoing court appearances. (sometimes I think she just misses me and court is the only time she gets to see my shining face) (she even wrote in her declaration that I look healthy and don't have cancer!) She considers herself above the law and who knows after the system refused to enforce 2 court orders, refused to hear the court investigators report, refused to hear the Dr. of Forensic and Clinical Psychology and after she just recently thumbed her nose at a court subpoena by not appearing...maybe she is above the law? Or perhaps the law, enforcement of and the judges that rule on the law, is the problem?

Hmmm, we will visit that issue in depth very soon and with the addition of a video feed... This blog will become even more interesting.

Anyway, you all have a great weekend and I will give you updates and not so much advice as I enter yet one more phase of the Clark vs Clark ordeal in Yakima County WA.

See below about how good drugs can be for kids!

The Wife of Noble Character – Happy Mother’s Day

10  A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. (she is her husband crown, his pride)


11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (she brings him good)

13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. (she is an enterprising woman)

15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. (she is the opposite of a sluggard)

16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. (she shows good judgement)

17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. (she works hard and expects nothing that she does not earn though her own labors)

18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. (she shows wisdom, wisdom is of more value than money)

19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. ( she understands that there is “woman’s work”)

20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. (she is quick to help those in need with her labor and her earnings)

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. (she makes sure her family comes 1st and are prepared to be comfortable in hard times)

22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. (like that of a king as her own reward)

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. (she is his right hand, a part of him, an extension that makes him better, makes him complete.)

24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (the opposite would to be clothed with shame and disgrace, everyone knows someone like that also)

26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (she is a wise and loving counselor to her children)

27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (she does not expect others to take care of her family)

28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (Blessed = one who enjoys happy circumstances and from whom joy radiates to others)

29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." (the husbands reference to his wife’s “noble” deeds, celebrates her “noble” character…to assert that she surpasses all other women…she is worth far more than rubies)

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (honor comes through “humility and the fear of the lord”)

There are women and mothers of this world that will never know nor deserve such praise as Proverbs 31:10 – 31:31

Jan, you are the hardest working, most loving/caring Mother I have ever know. You give of yourself without question and only ask for love and respect in return. You are all that is good in a mother and are a faultless example of what a mother can and should be.

Have a Great and Blessed Mothers Day!

How to deal with a crazy ex

Short and sweet today...

Had to go to court again this week. Funny how things never seem to change. The anger and contempt that my ex harbors is beyond belief.


Mental illness is so very destructive to a person and those around them.

Have a great weekend and remember;

She is your ex…Be Happy for that!


“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT)


When you are filled with God’s love, nothing can bring you down! There is always hope for a brighter future! Share the power of God’s love with someone in need. Be an example for someone who has lost their faith and hope! Enjoy your Friday.

Take time to worship our Savior in His house this weekend!



God Bless

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A thought to carry you into the weekend

Jan with her stepson Colton. What, beauty, happiness, joy and love you can see in their eyes!

“Keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.” (Psalm 34:13-14)


There are many passages throughout the Bible that remind us to watch our tongues. I wonder why! Really listen to the people around you today and hear what comes from their lips. Think before you speak and use your voice to glorify our Savior!

For those of you who are lying to yourself, lying to others for profit or lying to inflict pain or with the intent to harm someone, remember your time on this earth is limited but your final judgment will be everlasting.

Count your blessings a have a great weekend my friends!

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Cancer, Stress,PAS and Life

People are still e-mailing and asking me about my cancer and what is happening with the boys.


Well, right now my cancer treatment is on hold because I do not have the funds available for the radiation treatment and my insurance will not pay for it.

I have been paying an extreme amount for child support and this has me in financial hole. So I have been changing my diet,(lost 20 pounds, didn't think I had that to lose :),  reducing my stress level and doing natural remedies.

The boys?

Well, I really only have contact with my oldest son Josh.
Kalebs girl friend has not liked me since the day we met, and as a live in girlfriend…Kaleb does not call me. No call from Dakota about my treatment or condition or how I am feeling. I try not to think about this much because if I dwell on the issue it does raise my stress level and that may end up killing me.

Colton, well he is 13 years old now. His school grade point average has dropped a full percentage point from the time he left me and went to his mothers. The report cards show him being disruptive in class and just the other day I received and e-mail from a teacher reporting that he had to take Colton out of the class to speak with him. Colton has a face book site where he talks about drinking, sex, uses foul language and tells his friend that I, his Dad, “is a piece of shit”. So, that is not going so well. I got a call from Jan and that she had a message from Colton on face book. The subject was (IRS) and there was no message. I checked mine and it was the same.

So, Colton has never contacted me about my cancer and when he does send a message it is a threat of “IRS”. It must be over the child support issue. But a threat is just that, a threat against his father with cancer who can’t afford treatment right now. One question is for you all that read this, did Colton send that message or his mother? Why would a 13 year old be so upset about child support that he would make threats to his father and ex step mother? If he sent the message, has he lost all of his humanity and now hate and evil consume him? Or did his mother use his site to send the message? And if she did, what does that say about her mental state in light of what the Doctor and court investigator reported?

Anyway, I am doing my best to live happy and forget the pain of the past. I am involved with others, and I hope and pray that my experience will help them in some way.

My friend sent me these 5 things and the last one made me cry. Wouldn’t it be great if all of us and our children would follow these examples?

Five lessons about the way we treat people


1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student And had breezed through the questions until I read the last one.

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the Cleaning woman several times. She was tall, Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor.. "In your careers, You will meet many people. All are significant.. They Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello.."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m.., an older African American Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my Clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying Husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient...

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the

King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away". Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

"Work like you don't need the money,

love like you've never been hurt,

and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

I thank God everyday for his blessings in my life;

Always do right. This will surprise some people and astonish the rest.


~ Mark Twain

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13, NLT)

God allows us to make our own choices in life. He also made us so that we know right from wrong. Choose wisely … your future depends on the choices you make every single day!




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Family court system is Morally bankrupt

“The divorce system is counterintuitive and morally bankrupt, and needs reinventing… What the organized fathers’ groups want isn’t wrong or mean-spirited but right and fair to children. Who among us can blame a man, wrongfully denied his own child, for shouting out that he was framed?”–syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker


Washington Post syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker, whose column is published in over 300 newspapers weekly, was recently awarded the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Parker has long been a friend of the family court reform movement in general and Fathers & Families in particular, and we congratulate her on this impressive and well-deserved honor.

Parker was raised by a single father, Hal Connor, and spoke of him warmly and often in her columns. She wrote that from her father “I learned that fathers will lay their lives down for their children. I learned that men are capable of honor, valor, compassion and courage and that they are essential to instilling those virtues in their sons and daughters.”

In “I Have My Father’s Hands,” she explained:

“[My father believed] you did what you had to do in life with aplomb and dignity, whether it was fighting for your country or defending your values and beliefs. His were non-negotiable. He was fair to all and looked down on no one. He demanded honor, loyalty and honesty from his constituents- always. Honor and loyalty to family were the same as honor and loyalty to country. You betrayed neither, and died for both if you had to.

His favorite saying, by Theodore Roosevelt, sums up my father’s life and his legacy: “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again … and who, at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

I kissed my father’s hands one final time as the hospital chaplain administered his last rites. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. As is this: Goodbye, Popsie.