Some more very good information and sound advice that we all need to follow!
In most cases, a first marriage begins with the relationship,
front and center. Children don't come along until later.
But in a blended family, children are already present when the
marriage begins. This is one reason blended families have a higher frequency of
divorce. They face several challenges at the very beginning that aren't present
in other marriage relationships.
One of those challenges is the priority of the marriage.
When children are present at the beginning of a relationship,
the children often become first. They take priority over the marriage itself.
To some people, this doesn't seem like a huge concern. Of course
we should focus on our children, they might think. It's good for them!
But children aren't the nucleus of a family. Marriage is. And children are a
temporary assignment. They are going to grow up and start families of their
own.
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21-Day Inner Healing Journey
A unique and powerful devotional from Jimmy Evans. |
God explains His laws for marriage in Genesis 2:24-25. One of
these is the law of priority. He says "a man will leave his father and
mother." That means the marriage comes first over any other relationship.
If your marriage revolves around your children, what happens at
age 18 when they leave for college? What happens when they get married? These
kinds of marriages lose their foundation. The husband and wife don't know what
to do with each other. That's why many divorces happen among empty-nest
couples.
Here are three things I want mothers and fathers in every
marriage to remember, whether they are in blended families or not:
First, your children will feel more secure when you are happy
and when they see you in a happy marriage.
Second, your successful marriage gives them a vision for the
future. They'll follow your lead. Are you giving them a good example to
emulate?
And third, when they grow up, you will still enjoy a stable life
and relationship. You won't be emotionally dependent on them. This helps them
flourish as adults and helps your marriage stay healthy.
How can parents keep their marriage first in priority? One way
is to set aside time alone with each other on a regular basis. Karen and I used
to tuck our children into their beds at night and then make sure they stayed in
their rooms. "This is our time together," we would tell them.
"Don't come out unless it's an emergency."
This taught the kids to respect our time. Then, on a regular
basis, Karen and I went out for a date night. We let our parents take care of
the kids and would spend an uninterrupted night or even weekend together. This
time was so vital.
When our children left home, we thanked God we had prioritized
our marriage because we had built a strong relationship that wasn't dependent
on our kids.
A successful family does not build itself around children, but
around the marriage itself. Yes, children deserve your attention. Love them
unconditionally. Give them quality time. But don't neglect your marriage to
focus on your kids.
Put your marriage first, and remember this: When you work on your
marriage, you are doing your children a favor.
