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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The result and consequences of (Evils of Parental Alienation).

Below is an un-published comment left on Jans site””  She sent me the comment because of its content and language. She made it very clear that this type of language and threats were not going to be posted as a comment on her blog. I feel 99.9% sure it was left by my youngest son Colton. Therefore I will address it as such and point to the life changes that can take place when a parent or parents practice “Parental Alienation” on their children.
This will be a long blog and will be very enlightening as to the tragic effects of PA. I encourage everyone to read it and forward it to anyone you care about because if this has not happened in your family, it has or will affect people you know and love.

Because of the language and threats please view the comment in red below with caution.  No one deserves to be attack in such a manner for any reason. Jan (Colton’s step mother) was nothing but a loving and supporting step mother to all my sons. I thank Jan for that and for her continued efforts to present the truth in hopes of bettering my family relationships in the future. Truth is the only way to confront anger and education the only way to address ignorance.

It is my responsibility to address my sons actions and words below in an attempt to correct him and help others who must deal with the evils of parental alienation. I do so to impede this destructive path he is on, and with God’s help, save his future. I and others can only try. It is his heart that has to be open. He must let go of the pain, blame and anger. He must confront himself with not only the truth, but how he wants his life to proceed. It is a huge undertaking for a young man (14 years old at this writing) and he will have to be strong in order to apologize to himself for his words, anger and self destructive views. Colton can chose to live a life of torment and disappointment or to change and become a Man. A man who takes responsibility for his own life and desires to have a full and happy life with good relationships with all his family members. A happy productive and full life is not beyond his reach. Such a goal and desire is within all of us. We all chose our own path. “For me and my house, we will follow the Lord”

 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Definitions of Parental Alienation (The Mother wil...":

Noooo life is what you have, you noob, wannabe blogger, u BK random (BK-bad kid) 1v1 me if u think your good or sumtin foo, u aint got shit on me holmes no way brah, i live my life a quater of a mile at a time, for those 10 secondss or less im free. CHEERS BITCH. or CUnt or slut or whore or watever the fuck u r. did u like that little ryhme cuz if u give me some time ill get u a dime and u can shove it where the sun dont shine. -ME not u, not someone u copy, and just for the record for all that read this just know u r reading somthing not worth ur time only this fake ass hoe and u just wasted time reading this than being with ur familia aka family or maybe u already knew wat that ment so i laugh at u and dispise u as a living being and scorn u for wasting good oxygen by breathing in this beautiful earth that will be still heere for centuries to come and would love it if u didnt breath its oxygen. thank you and goodnight asta laveesta bitch would love to see wat u no lifes have to comment back cuz i am a walking nightmare and u sure dont wanna fuk wit me u white ass cracker/redneck hoe bag. Peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

It is hard for me to see the transformation in my son. I believe he is at an all time low in his life and that is very sad. He should be enjoying school, friends and family, not writing  trash like a little gang banger. I loathe those gang banger types and that is a character weakness in me. Everyone that knows me understands my position. I consider gang bangers to be just small minded scared children that have no direction in life. They make up words and use foul language in an effort to display how tough they think they are. In reality, they are losers in life. Children that for whatever reason have no love or compassion and feel just the opposite of what they try to portray, they are scared of  life. They are lost and find comfort in companionship with those who are in the same frame of mind. Often this happens in homes that are devoid of love and discipline. Still, as much as their parents are at fault, it is the child that has the ultimate and final say as to who they will associate with and whom they will look up to as role models. There are many more good examples to follow then there are poor examples. All of these kids know people like older brothers/sisters, teachers, church members, athletes and stand up citizens in the community that they can get support from. The choice is theirs as to whom to follow.  The problem lies in the fact that when kids feel wronged, they will chose a relationship or action that they know, will hurt the parent they are angry or disappointed with. The end result of such a path, only hurts the child and adversely effects their future. As the saying goes, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” For me…to waste a child is just terrible.

The language used in the comment is not that of a son I raised. Threats of any kind by a child is not acceptable and a threat by a young man to a lady is inexcusable. Such threats demonstrates a childlike/bullying action, fitting of a weak minded gang banger. Whoever wrote the comment has a trouble soul indeed. The good news is, a soul desires to be good and live a happy full life. The spirit is always with a hurting soul, the true and enjoyable spirit is steadfast, one only has to ask for help and seek redemption.  

During a meeting with the commissioner, she referred to the boys as well mannered, (in my full custody at the time) polite and well spoken. What a huge change in 2 short years while in the custody of a mother that preaches hate for their step mother and their father. Coltons grades dropped from a 3.56 gpa with excellent attendance, to so far this year, 30 days absent, 20 more tardy times and a gpa of 2.4 This happened in the time he has been with his mother. This is not love for a child! Children need guild lines to keep them safe and to show them that their parent or parents love them enough to do the tough job of being a responsible parent. This is the type of love a gang banger child is missing, missing and begging for!

A child does not make the type of conversion you see unfolding here on his or her own. As the photos below (and in many places in this blog) will prove, Colton had a very loving home (with Jan and I) and experienced many family functions. Ones that I believe he is missing now and that void is being filled with anger and rebellion. This is seen in his school work, his language, manners an alleged pot use.  This child is crying out for discipline and a direction in life. 

An alienating parent very seldom has a structured home. His or her goal revolves around anger and revenge for some perceived wrong by their ex. In my case Linda left me and the boys for a party life style and another man. This is not all that uncommon and cheating on your spouse  happens much to often. Sometimes this indiscretion can be overcome and the marriage and family can survive. I was used to fund the adventure and asked to lie to the children as to why their mother was not home. I regret that, as a lie is never good, even if the intention was. I wanted to spare the children the truth and did so until now. But still, they knew what happened because their mother had a boy friend next door to the house I helped her buy. I understand that they became engaged shortly after but I don’t know that for a fact. I do know that she had many boyfriends in and out, spending the night and even left the children alone while she went out on dates. I know because she sent me e-mails bragging about “young men standing in line”. Many people saw her out on the town, partying and gambling until all her money was gone. She lost her many cars, her house and filed for bankruptcy protection. Indeed while I and Jan were at dinner with friends, Linda was playing pool in the next room while the boys were in her care, at home, alone.  Information from Cowichee now is that her married boyfriends divorce was final…and so is her relationship with him now. Go figure. According to what was placed on face book, her priority is dating and not family. I think this has hurt Colton very much. As mean as she had been to him while he lived with Jan and I, (denying him sport practices, ranch vacations and threatening to abandon on the side of the road) he still craved the love of his mother. I think he has been disappointed in the outcome and believes he has lost the love of his father and family members also. This insecurity is understandable under the circumstances. Yet the door opens or closes both ways. Colton is old enough and smart enough (even if his grades do not reflect that now) to digest the truth. He does not need to resent his mother for her actions or behavior or let her actions diminish his love for her, but he need to understand that his anger toward Jan and I is very misplaced. It does not matter that he was told how I was abusive and Jan somehow aggravated his mother, the truth is inside him, perhaps hidden at the moment but still, IT IS IN HIM. It is in your child also. At some point your child will see the truth and understand what really happened. The hard part is...will they be strong enough to make an effort to restore the relationship or not. 

Reconciliation does not have to come in a form of apology.It only needs honest actions of love on everyones part. 

 After looking at all the photos above, do you think they were taken by an abusive father or uncaring step mother? Can you see all the activities that are for the boys? All the healthy out door events and get togethers? All the family times? All the travels and fun that is part of a family growing together? We loved each other and it shows in everyone of these photos!
Let no one say other wise!
ps...I don't see a gang banger in any of them.

Below is a must read. The bible is full of advise for fathers and families. Without His guidance, there is no family. Read this and then the explanations below and perhaps we all will come to a better understanding of a fathers role.
Just a Dad....

For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever,.... That is, bring his judgments upon them, which should continue on them to their utter destruction; this, as to the substance, he said before by the man of God:
for the iniquity which he knoweth; for the iniquity of his sons, which he thoroughly informed of, and fully acquainted with by others; and somewhat of which he must have been sensible of, and seen with his own eyes, and therefore was inexcusable:
because his sons made themselves vile; mean and contemptible in the sight of men, abhorred and accursed in the sight of God, by taking the flesh of the sacrifices of the people, which did not belong to them, who came to sacrifice, and by debauching the women that came to the door of the tabernacle for religious service. It is said this clause was originally written, "because his sons made light of me"; or cursed the Lord, and is one of the eighteen places called the correction of the Scribes, who corrected it as we have it; and it may be observed, the Septuagint version is, "because his sons spake ill of God"; or cursed him; however, this they did, they preferred their lusts, and the indulging of them, to the honour and glory of God: this Eli knew:
and he restrained them not; from their evil practices; he did not make use of his authority, neither as a father, and especially not as high priest, and the judge of Israel, who ought not only to have sharply reproved them, which he did not, but to have censured or punished them, and turned them out of their office: "or did not frown upon them" (t), as in the margin of our Bibles; he did not knit his brows, or wrinkle up his face, and by his countenance show his displeasure at their proceedings, but in an easy, smooth, gentle manner, expostulated with them about them.
3:13 Restrained them not - He contented himself with a cold reproof, and did not punish, and effectually restrain them. They who can, and do not restrain others from sin, make themselves partakers of the guilt. Those in authority will have a great deal to answer for, if the sword they bear be not a terror to evil - doers.

For I...: or, And I will tell him
vile: or, accursed
restrained...: Heb. frowned not upon them

3:11-18 What a great deal of guilt and corruption is there in us, concerning which we may say, It is the iniquity which our own heart knoweth; we are conscious to ourselves of it! Those who do not restrain the sins of others, when it is in their power to do it, make themselves partakers of the guilt, and will be charged as joining in it. In his remarkable answer to this awful sentence, Eli acknowledged that the Lord had a right to do as he saw good, being assured that he would do nothing wrong. The meekness, patience, and humility contained in those words, show that he was truly repentant; he accepted the punishment of his sin.
<< 1 Samuel 3:13 >>
New International Version (©1984)
For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.
New Living Translation (©2007)
I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn't disciplined them.
English Standard Version (©2001)
And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.
New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
I told him that I would hand down a permanent judgment against his household because he knew about his sons' sin-that they were cursing God-but he didn't try to stop them.
King James Bible
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
American King James Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knows; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
American Standard Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons did bring a curse upon themselves, and he restrained them not.
Bible in Basic English
And you are to say to him that I will send punishment on his family for ever, for the sin which he had knowledge of; because his sons have been cursing God and he had no control over them.
Douay-Rheims Bible
For I have foretold unto him, that I will judge his house for ever, for iniquity, because he knew that his sons did wickedly, and did not chastise them.
Darby Bible Translation
For I have declared to him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he hath known: because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
English Revised Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons did bring a curse upon themselves, and he restrained them not.
Webster's Bible Translation
For I have told him, that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knoweth: because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
World English Bible
For I have told him that I will judge his house forever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves, and he didn't restrain them.
Young's Literal Translation
and I have declared to him that I am judging his house -- to the age, for the iniquity which he hath known, for his sons are making themselves vile, and he hath not restrained them,
Made themselves vile - Rather, "have cursed themselves," i. e. brought curses upon themselves.
He restrained them not - In the sense of punishing. He did not remove them from their office, which he ought to have done.

I will judge his house for ever - I will continue to execute judgments upon it till it is destroyed.
His sons made themselves vile - See 1 Samuel 2:12-171 Samuel 2:22-25.
He restrained them not - He did not use his parental and juridical authority to curb them, and prevent the disorders which they committed. See at the conclusion of the chapter, 1 Samuel 3:21 (note).


  1. I am so sorry Bruce, all four of your sons were the world to you, everyone who knows you knew that.
    What a tragedy to have had their lives destroyed by divorce and the subsequent parental alienation.
    Stay strong my friend and live "Healthy" and long.
    Your loved ones need you around, you are very, very important to your grandchildren! Hope to see you at the birthday party this weekend.

  2. I have had the same experience with one of my sons. The oldest stayed with me after the big D and the youngest stayed with is mom. I would have fought this arrangement had I know then what I know now. To keep this short, the oldest is in his last year of medical school and will graduate with honors. His younger brother of 6 years, Is now in jail because of gang related activity. My 1st visit with him in years was, seeing him behind bars, very angry and lost.
    I could go on and on but, I pray for you and your son. I pray that he will not fall into the pit that my son has!

    Brad D

  3. Bruce,
    I have seen Colton around and at games. He is doing pretty well but is missing you as a father.
    I know you, you just need to sit with him and talk. You will be fine 

  4. Colton has always had an aggression issue. We all know that from his sports. Even while he was with you and Jan. I agree that Linda has no positive influence on him now. As a mother, that is very sad to watch. He seems to have had a shift in the friends he is hanging out with. Wish you had not moved! He needs his father!

  5. Man I just hit your site! What are you going to do?

  6. Interesting bible scripture. If parents would read and follow the guidelines in the good book, you and others would not have the problems, stress and strain in your families that you are experiencing. I think I saw some place in your blog, maybe others that I have visited, but you said kids don’t come with and instruction manual. This is not correct. I know from your writings and how you express yourself, you read that manual! Stay the path and stay strong!

  7. Gang bangers. Looks to be as far away from you and your values as he can get! What does his mother think about this? Do you have contact with her at all? Does she care about the grades and gang stuff? You say he is missing a lot of school, have to asked why? Maybe he is sick a lot or perhaps to doped up to attend? Sounds like Daddy needs to, how do you say it, “cowboy up”. Saw that in your other blogs. I went back to court and got my children back from their lying mother. It took two drug arrest and one position charge against her before the court would side with me. “Man up” “Cowboy up” and go get him!

  8. Good looking young man and family, we will pray for you.

  9. Hi me again,
    Still working on my paper as I have told you before, so can you please address my questions;
    1. Have you considered that your son has himself a form of a mental condition?
    a. It is not uncommon for a child that was alienated as young as yours, to develop a personality disorder. This would explain his self destructive behavior.
    2. It is apparent that your ex wife as an issue with anger and quite possibly a major personality disorder as you have suggested.
    a. There are legal ways to address issues of neglect as child abuse. Have you considered going back to court with your documentation?
    3. Huge issues are now being address in the court system concerning family affairs. There is a huge push for a complete reform of the ideas that dominate the bench at this time.
    a. How would you as a victim of PAS, have the system fairly evaluate future cases?

    You are very good at articulating events in your life and that of the ordeal you have suffered. This is why I ask you for your opinions.
    Thank you in advance for your time.

  10. Well, this got a lot of attention!
    Search engines are amazing  Still, not one comment from anyone publicly following the blog?
    It seems I was approving comment after comment all morning!
    Well, I still have a job and responsibilities so I will attempt to address most of the questions soon.
    Nice to see that the person making nasty comments has not tried to post a comment here. Perhaps he is done with that cowardly idiocy.