Abuse?

What is abuse now days?
Is this word or definition being abused?
Who is suffering from the abuse of lack of parenting and discipline?
Child abuse can take several forms. The four main types are physical, sexual, psychological, and neglect.

Neglect

Main article: Child neglect

Child neglect is where the responsible adult fails to provide adequately for various needs, including physical (failure to provide adequate food, clothing, or hygiene), emotional (failure to provide nurturing or affection), educational (failure to enroll a child in school), or medical (failure to medicate the child or take him or her to the doctor). I find it interesting and somewhat disturbing that no where here or below does a parents lack of discipline, family values or respect for authority mentioned. Does not abuse include the lack of biblical education. Is not the soul of a child something that needs nourished just as much as the body? Is not lack of respect for elders, teachers, coaches and adults, something that could be considered as abusive to the child upbringing if this is not supplied just as clothing should be? When the definition speaks of needs, are these not needs also?

Physical abuse

Main article: Physical abuse

Physical abuse is physical aggression directed at a child by an adult. It can involve striking, burning, bruising, choking or shaking a child. Shaking a child can cause a condition called shaken baby syndrome, which can lead to intracranial pressure, swelling of the brain, diffuse axonal injury, and oxygen deprivation; which leads to patterns such as failure to thrive, vomiting, lethargy, seizures, bulging or tense fontanels, altered breathing, and dilated pupils. The transmission of toxins to a child through its mother (such as with fetal alcohol syndrome) can also be considered physical abuse in some jurisdictions.

Most nations with child-abuse laws consider the infliction of physical injuries or actions that place the child in obvious risk of serious injury or death to be illegal. Beyond this, there is considerable variation. The distinction between child discipline and abuse is often poorly defined. Cultural norms about what constitutes abuse vary widely: among professionals as well as the wider public, people do not agree on what behaviors constitute abuse.[5] The definition of abuse has become very liberal, to the point of limiting parents to only rewarding good behavior, but doing nothing about poor behavior. Discipline is viewed as very controversial as defined; Child discipline is the set of rules, rewards and punishments administered to teach self control, increase desirable behaviors and decrease undesirable behaviors in children. In its most general sense, discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline thus means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct.[1] While the purpose of child discipline is to develop and entrench desirable social habits in children, the ultimate goal is to foster sound judgement and morals so the child will develop and maintain self discipline throughout the rest of his or her life. We seem to have all the answers laid out in black and white on all the issues but discipline. We avoid any recommended ways to correct bad behavior or disrespect.

Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parents, the professional practice of behavior analysis, developmental psychology, social work, and various religious perspectives. Because the values, beliefs, education, customs and cultures of people vary so widely, along with the age and temperament of the child, methods of child discipline vary widely.

In western society, there has been debate in recent years over the use of corporal punishment for children in general, and increased attention has been given to the concept of "positive parenting" where good behavior is encouraged and rewarded.[2]

Domestic corporal punishment (also referred to as corporal punishment in the home or parental corporal punishment) typically involves the corporal punishment of a child by a parent or guardian in the home. It may involve the spanking or slapping of a child with the parent's open hand, but may sometimes be with an implement such as a belt, slipper, cane or paddle.

In many cultures, parents have historically been regarded as having the duty of disciplining their children, and the right to spank them when appropriate. However, attitudes and legislation in some countries have changed in recent years, particularly in continental Europe. Domestic corporal punishment has now (2009) been outlawed in 25 countries around the world, beginning with Sweden in 1979.[1] Most of these 25 countries are in Europe or Latin America. One question I have, is the crime rate going up or down since corporal punishment has been outlawed? What about our comments such as divorce rates? What about spousal cheating? Are this things all on the decline since the new view of corporal punishment?

In North America, Britain and much of the rest of the English-speaking world, the practice is highly controversial. Why is that? Were your parents or grandparents abusive or a drain on society? I think history speaks for itself.

In Africa, the Middle East, and in most parts of Eastern Asia (including China, Taiwan, Japan, and Korea), corporal punishment of one's own children is lawful. In Singapore and Hong Kong, punishing one's own child with corporal punishment is legal but not particularly encouraged. Culturally, many people in the region believe a certain amount of corporal punishment for their own children is appropriate and necessary, and thus such practice is accepted by society as a whole.

Some human-service professionals claim that cultural norms that sanction physical punishment are one of the causes of child abuse, and have undertaken campaigns to redefine such norms.[6]

The use of any kind of force against children as a disciplinary measure is illegal in 24 countries around the world.[7] See corporal punishment in the home for more information. Interesting, what would our founding fathers have said? The formed the greatest country on earth…they relied on teachings from the bible and very strict discipline. I am sure thankful for them.

Psychological/emotional abuse

Main article: Emotional abuse

Out of all the possible forms of abuse, emotional abuse is the hardest to define. It could include name-calling, ridicule, degradation, destruction of personal belongings, torture or destruction of a pet, excessive criticism, inappropriate or excessive demands, withholding communication, and routine labeling or humiliation.[25]

Victims of emotional abuse may react by distancing themselves from the abuser, internalizing the abusive words, or fighting back by insulting the abuser. Emotional abuse can result in abnormal or disrupted attachment disorder, a tendency for victims to blame themselves (self-blame) for the abuse, learned helplessness, and overly passive behavior.[25]

Well, this is very hard to see a clear definition. I would contend that under this definition that all of us would be guilty and or be victims in some way. I was sure yelled at many times and I also yelled at my children at times. I think what is missing here is a large part of how abuse is perceived. LOVE, if there is no love between the two parties then I contend abuse happens quickly. With LOVE, the yelling is done in that manner, to correct a behavior of someone you love. It is not done to harm a person. To do harm to a person, is abuse. To love someone so much that you must use corporal punishment or verbal shouting to make a correction, shows the LOVE you have for them. There is no truer statement than when a parent says this before giving a spanking, “this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you”. Perhaps that is why such actions are now being turned away from. Today’s parents are selfish and can’t take the personal pain it requires to give a spanking. It’s easier to condemn such and act then face up to their responsibilities as a parent.

I grew up in a family atmosphere that most will never know. Certainly my kind of up bring would be very rare today;

I had the same Mother and Father, in the same house, together, through my whole childhood. That is love and stability that over 60% of the children today will never know. I had both my Grandfathers and Grandmothers and a Great Grandfather living within a mile of my home. Something that 95% of the children today will never know. I had 2 Uncle and Aunts, and a cousin living within 2 miles of my home at the same time. I had a Great Uncle, Aunt and 4 cousin families living within 12 miles of my home. A family so big and so close that it is unheard of today. Within 60 miles I could count over 34 close family members. My Grandfather gave the land for the school. My Great Uncle started the local bank. My Uncle taught me in school and coached the high school basketball team. Both my Mother and Father graduated from the same school where he was a 4 year letterman in 4 sports and my Mother was the head cheerleader. They were voted homecoming King and Queen. After football or basketball games, the high school principle, vise principle, teachers, coaches (3 of who gave me paddling’s at school) players and their families would gather at our house or others for coffee and to visit. I would go out on a limb here and say that does not happen at all now. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, there was always dinner at a family members house that would include at least 4 families and the Grand Parents. This would be an all day event with cards, games and sure enough, FOOD and TV football games! I was blessed in many ways with the family I was raised in!

I give you this back ground so you will understand the love that was in those friends and family members. Also to make a case that a spanking is a very good choice for discipline because, at one time or other, I was yelled and spanked by most of my love ones and I thank them for it! Most spankings or verbal discipline was while I was very young, under 12 years old (younger the better I’m sure). I learned, but as a youngster with lots of energy, I tested all of their limits a one time or other. My good friends in school (teachers/coaches and vice principle) had the love and duty to correct me (paddle my butt) 7 times in 7th grade and 11 in 8th grade. I deserved all of them! I broke the rules, but was never disrespectful to the person doing the correcting. In fact, 2 of teachers came to a surprise party for me and my sons, 25 years later. I write this so you will know that it was their love for me and my love and respect for them, that corporal punishment was given and accepted. I Loved and respected all my family members and if they had to correct me, they did so without informing my Father. They knew that it was between them and me and did not want to involve or disappoint my father. Out of respect for him, they kept our issue between us and finished with us. I have and will always respect them for that! I considered that the kindest thing they every did, and that was to treat me like a man. I had seen others that got in trouble and the office would call their parents in to pick them up and take them home. I thank God that I was loved enough to be treated with respect and to be offered a man’s option.

Why are the schools, parents and kids so much different now? Why is there not enough respect to let a young man be treated as a man?

When his is out of his parents protection, what will he do?

I thank my kindergarten teacher for hitting my hand with a ruler for writing on the desk.


I thank my 1st grade teacher for throwing an eraser at me (an hitting me) for not paying attention in her  class.

I thank the teachers who I saw taking kids down to the office by their ear for not following their instructions.

I thank the teachers who had to grab a student by the neck or arm and march them down to the principal’s office to get a paddling.

I thank you because none of those students or anyone else I knew in my school had “attention disorder”. Their attention was corrected and cured!

I thank the PE teachers who let kids fight during a physical class or on the play ground without calling law enforcement.

I thank them for their judgment on how to handle the situation. (No one in my school went to jail, joined a gang or used a knife or gun in a fight. Understand that most all young men had hunting knives on their sides during school and hunting rifles were on the gun rack in their unlocked pickup truck outside, parked on school property)

I thank them all for their love of their job, students and nation.

I feel very sorry that that time has passed and we now have no control, learned respect and discipline in most of today’s children.

I must be old as dirt… a dinosaur …I relict from the past.....


Questions;

1. Do you love your children enough to teach them that no, means no?

2. Do you love them enough to with hold things from them that they desperately want, yet you know they should not or are not ready to have?

3. Do you love them enough to spank them?

4. Do you love them enough to explain that life is not all ways fair?

5. Do you love them enough to yell at them, if needed to get the correct response?

6. Do you yell at the referee for a bad call on your child but say nothing when you kid gets away with a foul?

7. Would you be offended if your child was spanked at school?

8. Would you ask for the coach to be fired for yelling at your child?

9. Do you love and trust your family/friends enough to trust them with disciplining your child?

10. Do you love your child enough to let your family members and friends discipline your child if needed without question?

11. Will you be offended and upset when the officer takes your child to jail for a disorderly conduct or breaking a rule of society?

12. Do you love your children enough to make sure they have a biblical education?

13. Did you answer NO to more than 3 of these questions?

I feel very sorry for all the children and parents that never knew that love of a Father, a Mother, a Grandparent, a Uncle or Aunt, a Teacher, a Coach or of a Friend that had to yell at or spank you.

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa, and all my family and friends that spanked or yelled at me, I love you!

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