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Sunday, January 5, 2014

How will you be remembered?

When your story is read from the book of life, will you be proud?

As parents we all must consider our actions.

As men and women, we must know that lies, deceptions and the purposeful intent to harm someone or someone’s relationship with a child, family member or new husband or wife is deplorable.

If you have an ex that is practicing Parental Alienation then my heart goes out to you. Being on the receiving end of such hate and witnessing the destruction it has on your children, I have concluded that PA is a form of rape, rape of one’s mind. It steals away their innocence; it destroys their childhood and alters their future forever.

PA and the acceptance of it by a child; that is the brainwashing effect it has on a developing mind, is devastating for the child. It is only by the grace of God and an inter strength that children suffering this kind of abuse will ever become happy and productive adults. You cannot poison your child’s love for the other parent and expect them to grow up content with their life. The sad fact is that many children that suffer from PA become very angry and withdraw from any positive relationship with an adult. They instead turn to depression because of their situation. They engage in risky behavior in the attempt to find love and meaning in their life. Sex and drugs are among the top pacifiers but may lead to total rebellion against anyone or anything they perceive as an authority figure. You will see the child pull back from the activities they once enjoyed. Their school grades will suffer. Their attitude towards officials, rules and laws will diminish. The very thing that they were once proud of and enjoyed…will become a thing of their past and their childhood friends will no long wish to have a relationship with such a person. This leads to a downward spiral resulting in the loss of that child. Yes, this also means turning their back on you, the one that has tried so hard to make your child hate your ex. It has been said in many different ways that you cannot elevate your own standing by tearing someone else down. Purposely and intentionally inflecting pain and suffering on someone is not a noble endeavor. It is, self serving and in the case of PA, evil in the result.

I have volunteered and worked with many developmentally disabled young adults, mostly with those coming out of incarceration of some sort. They all have anger issues to deal with and looking into their past, they all have one or two parents that suffer from low self esteem and narcissistic behavior. Many of these young adults suffer from the actions of the mother. That is, FAS (drunks), smoking and drug use. The mothers were more concerned with their own pleasure than that of the child they were carrying. The child will suffer from that abuse for the rest of their lives. While some have not allowed the help they need, many embrace a positive role model. They become hopeful and not only wish to become, but in fact become aware of their own plight a chose to reject their pain and anger and instead whole heartily immerse themselves into a positive and productive lifestyle. Therefore I know that these young men and women can change their lives, I know that children that suffer from Parental Alienation can also!

I write this post in hopes that any child or young adult that reads it will fully understand that their life is what they wish to make it. I hope and pray that they all find peace and reconcile with their parent, parents or estranged family members. You can have the live to deserve, but you must have the courage to change. You must let go of your anger, your past and your failures. You must be willing to say that enough is enough and I will not live this way. Redirect your aggression in a positive manner. Use that weakness as a strength, a power and a force to launch you in a new and positive direction.

God has a plan for everything; He has a plan for you and for me. Use your experience to help others, do not stay in the trap of poor, poor pitiful me, my daddy is no good and no one cares about me. This is never true! No matter the circumstances, your parents love you, your family loves you. Take control, be positive and productive. Reject and distance yourself from those who wish to keep you in their circle of uncaring misfits.

Parent, if you are guilty of PA, STOP! It is never to late to just stop. Find happiness in your life and let the anger for your ex go. You will find your health will improve, your relationships will improve and your life overall will improve.

To all who have read this;

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

  Bothers and Family; what blessings and positive role models we have in life!


  1. Bruce,

    Our family has quietly followed your blog and comments for some time now.
    We saw this recent post and my husband and I discussed it.
    Bruce, you are a great father and role model. Your insight and efforts to educate by means of love is apparent for all to see.
    It is our hopes and prayers that all your sons will look up to and respect you for all you have done and tried to do for them.
    We know in our hearts that one day your wisdom will prevail and your sons will thank you for your steadfastness.


  2. Sounds like you have had quite the times my friend. I hope you are in the last part now.
    "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

  3. OUTSTANDING! when are you going to write that book?


    1. Thank you all for your comments.
      I have been asked many times to write a book about my experiences with PA. The time is not right, I will know when or if that time comes.
      Thank you all again for your support, your comments, your e-mails and messages.
      Stand firm and may God bless you all!

  4. “But since you refuse to listen when I call and no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand, since you disregard all my advice and do not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you; I will mock when calamity overtakes you – when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you. Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord. Since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them.” ——- Proverbs 1: 24-32

  5. Thank you for your efforts with this blog, it must cause you a lot of pain to re-live your past. I suppose it’s not your past but something you must deal with every day, just like I and others must. Again, thank you and remember;

    1~ Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked
    or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,

    2~ but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.

    3~ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

    PS. I do like most of the comments here, very positive, very encouraging