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The Secret to Getting Through to Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime

by Dr. Mark Goulston

Hell is a Suicidal Teenager

A teenager will kill him or herself in the time it takes you to read this.

Published on April 19, 2010

Every time a teenager commits suicide,
God thunders down at us:
“This is not why I gave you the gift of life!”
And then God cries.
Right now, in the time it takes for you to read this, a teenager in your town or city wishes she were dead. A teenager in your state is thinking of a way to kill himself. Perhaps he’ll use a gun or a rope or pills or his car or simply go out for a swim from which he won’t return. A teenager in this country has just reached for that gun or is stepping up on that chair and placing his head through the noose of that rope. Or she’s counting out enough pills to finish the job or starting to slice into her wrist and watch the little beads of blood seep to the surface, harbingers of the hemorrhage that will start when she deftly severs her radial artery.
And somewhere out there in the global community to which we all belong, a teenager has just ended his life as the culmination to his absolute, unshakable belief that he belonged nowhere.

Related Links

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Although the suffering of that teenager is over, it has not yet begun for her family. When that teenager’s mother and father make the awful discovery that awaits them, life as they know it will be over. After this moment, if you ever look directly into the eyes of that mother or father, you will see how much of their own lives has been ripped out of them with the suicide of their child. You won’t know what to say and you will find it too painful to keep looking. You’ll look away, hoping that such a horror never befalls you; but somewhere inside you are thinking that there but for the grace of God, goes your teenager and you.
Many of our teens are in danger of falling through the cracks of a “too busy to care” world. If you’re worried that your child has something dark and troublesome on his mind, he probably does. If you’re too busy to take the time to break through to your child, make the time. If your child pushes you away, remember you don’t need his permission to protect him from anything that could hurt him or his future. In fact it’s your most important job as a parent. If you don’t know how to communicate with your defiant teen, learn to.
If you’re that teen who is having despairing thoughts and the following letter and poem relate to you, send it! If you’re a parent worrying about what’s going on inside your teen and you think the letter and poem may relate to him or her, give it to them and ask. Then put everything else aside and take the time to listen to and talk with your teenager.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I’m writing you this letter, because I’m afraid if I tell you how unhappy I am, you’ll become angry or frightened, or even worse, you’ll tell me I’m just trying to make excuses or trying to get attention. Then I’ll have to take it back and reassure you that it’s nothing and I’m okay— when I’m really not. I really don’t know what’s wrong, and I know I don’t deserve to feel as bad as I do because other people have it much worse. But I can’t help it, I do feel as bad as I do. I feel very alone and that nobody in the world knows me— and I’m so confused, that I couldn’t even tell anyone what I want them to know about me. Read this enclosed poem and it might help you to know how I’m feeling. I’m really sorry if I’m a big disappointment to you. Please don’t be angry at me for being so ashamed of me. Can you please help me?
Love,
REACHING OUT FOR HELP
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off.
And none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me.
But don’t be fooled, for God’s sake, don’t be fooled.
I give the impression that I’m secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
Within as well as without,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
That the water’s calm and I’m in command,
And that I need no one.
But don’t believe me, please.
My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
Beneath this lies no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant, sophisticated façade,
To help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation.
And I know it.
That is if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only think that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself…
That I am worth something.
But I don’t dare tell you this. I don’t dare. I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh at me,
And your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m no good.
And that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game. My desperate game.
With a façade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
And so begins the parade of masks. And my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that is really nothing.
And nothing of what’s everything,
Of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
What I’d like to be able to say,
What for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say,
I dislike hiding, honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I’m playing, the phony game.
I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous and me.
But you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand,
Even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death,
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging.
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings,
But wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding
You can breath life into me, I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me.
How you can be the creator of the person that is me, if you choose to.
Please choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble.
You alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my shaking world of panic and uncertainty.
Please…do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I strike back.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than walls,
And in that lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands,
But with gentle hands…for a child is sensitive…
Who am I, you may wonder. I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.
I am you and I am me.
- Charles C. Finn

How to legally destroy a child and family. Lani-Kai Swanhart

You need to start with a commissioner that has the opinion that all men are abusive, women beaters and child molesters. Then add a documented liar of an Attorney Blain Connaughton. More about him later.

Lani-Kai Swanhart of the Yakima county family court system in Yakima Washington is as bad as they come. If you get in front of her, may God help you because there are no winners in her court, only losers.

Rule 1. Do not show up with a cowboy hat in your hand and a clean appearance. This seems to upset her.

Rule 2. Do not show up married to a very physically attractive woman. This also upset her, perhaps she suffers from a less then high regard of herself appearance.

Rule 3. Do not show up if your ex-wife is still un married or is accompanied by a female friend. Swanhart seems to want the approval of other less than attractive females.

The most important rule? If your situation is similar to the one above, file a complaint at your 1^st appearance and hope your case gets transferred. You cannot win in her court no matter what your attorney says. You will lose and your children will suffer from her rulings. GET OUT OF HER COURT!

My battle with this commissioner is over. Yes it was a battle, she stole my two young sons from me. She would not consider or allow to be heard, evidence that was contrary to herself imposed view. Documentation from officials, doctors and school board members was dismissed because it went against her preconceived notions. All the documentation was there then and is posted on this blog many times. The result of this case destroyed a family, 4 sons, 4 brothers and 1 loving father who developed cancer, caused by the stress of trying to defend his sons childhood and lives. Destroyed the relationship between brothers. Destroyed a father son relationship in two cases and destroyed a young man’s childhood youth and  future. Before this abomination made her ruling, my youngest son was happy, well liked by others, respectful, a joy to be around and good in school. 3.56 gpa before Swanhart stole him from me. Now 2 years later he is failing in school, his attendance is a major issue and reports are being sent that his is unruly and disrespectful nature in class is jeopardizing his education. He will not even speak to his old friends because they are my friends. All these actions would be an apparent consequence by anyone who knew his mother. The statements and evidence was there for Swanhart. Linda Clarks actions in her court room (see areas of this site) were just a precursor to what she would teach her children. That is no respect, no rules, no discipline, no consequences and teach hate towards a father who instructed them in such things.

Why this Swanhart is allowed her position is beyond me.

One day she will be judged and only then it seems will there be a reckoning for her.

Facts about Parental Alienation

Below is from Dr, Jayne Major. 

Her reason for starting her blog mirrors mine and says it very well. I too am working and writing in hopes of making a difference in the future of our children.

She explains what parental alienation is, who does it and why. She also documents the corruption that takes place in the family court system. You MUST understand that the courts corruption is something you did not expect and yet the court will control what happens in your life and your children’s life’s.

I have been asked to write more about my case and I will. My case will document the corruption in the court system, attorneys and judges. Can I sue them? Yes, I have been told I have a good case against two attorneys but the commissioner, she will hid behind and be protected by judicial immunity. She can be openly bias in my case and rule against any and all evidence and there is nothing I can do about it…as far as my case goes. I have filed a complaint with the State and county officials because such a person as Lani-Kia Swanhart should not be allowed to rule in any manner. She is dishonest and rules on her own perception. She even is willing to suppress evidence that goes against her beliefs. Blain Connaughton is a trail lawyer who will lie to the court and to the bar association without remorse.

Anyway, lots of information in today’s Blog so take your time and follow the links!

Why I Began This Blog

I started this blog for my children-  

Our story is written as an Article 78 (the legaleze for when you sue a Judge) below on the right hand side. Use the magnifying symbol to enlarge the documents for easier reading. Don't shoot the messenger.. but guess what..

Many Court Rooms are corrupted by some not so honest judges!

Innocent or not..

In the blink of an eye.. you can lose your kids, your life savings, your inheritance, your house and or your mind!
That's why I've continued to post to this blog beause...

So many children are being destroyed by our wonderful system..

They've forced me to become a child/ family and civil rights advocate/activist.

I should thank them for the education I got out of this!
DON'T MISS THE VIDEOS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.. OF SENATOR SAMPSON HOLDING HEARINGS ON CORRUPTION WITHIN THE N.Y. COURT SYSTEM!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Interview and Articles by Dr. Jayne Major on Parent Alienation

This is an interview with Dr. Jayne Major. She speaks very openly about Parent Alienation and Parent Alienation Syndrome.

This is a must watch!

If I can take one sentence from this interview and get it out there it would be...
TARGET PARENTS- DON'T BE PASSIVE!

That was my downfall!

Being passive is the problem of most if not all "target" parent's..

Are you going through a divorce with someone that you believe is "not playing with a full deck."

Are you going through a divorce with someone that seems "out of touch with reality?"

Are you going through a divorce with someone that has "aligned the children of the marriage with them self?"

Are you always being "undermined" in your parenting efforts or any other efforts, by your partner or in laws?

Do you often times find yourself wondering if it is "you" that has lost your mind.. due to the way your partner acts in situations?

More likely than not if you answered yes to these questions above you are involved with someone who is not in touch with reality.. someone who has a personality disorder and that means you are at HIGH RISK for losing your children to that person! Don't be an ass like I was ..

EDUCATE YOURSELF on Parent alienation- learn all you can- before it's to late!

Adult children that were separated from one parent.. were you alienated?

You may be suffering from the effects of being raised by the more disturbed parent.. please I'm pleading with you.. WATCH THIS VIDEO!

If you are reading this and were or are either an alienated parent or feel you may be a child that was alienated from the healthier parent - THERE IS HOPE - YOU CAN BE HELPED!

Please consider talking to a therapist!! Personality disorders can be worked through.. you can learn to think healthier - to live a more productive life- less drama- less self destruction- less self sabotage!

You may not be ready to hear this- but you must want to end the negativity in your life -no one but you and your therapist have to know what is going on in therapy!

IT CAN BE DONE!

PLEASE GO FOR HELP!

Things in your life may not be the way you perceive them- you may be creating your own insanity- simply due to the way you were raised.. by a personality disordered parent!

THIS INTERVIEW IS A MUST WATCH!


Click the link below for more including the interview with Dr. Jayne Major-

http://angiemedia.com/?p=2113

Click here for more coverage on parental alienation.

Here’s an interview with Jayne Major, Ph.D., a Los Angeles psychologist and educator advocating means to stop parental alienation behaviors and heal the damage they cause. In the interview, she answers common questions about parental alienation.

She describes the range from mild bad-mouthing to sociopathic intent to brainwash children to hate the other parent.

She notes that in severe alienation cases, the target parents (those who are alienated against) must learn to stand up for the truth if they are to have hope of not losing their children permanently to the brainwashing of the alienating parent.

She notes that the most dangerous alienating parents often have one or more personality disorders:

"Few lawyers, judges, nor laypersons are able to recognize seriously disturbed people who look and often act “normal.” Yet, their numbers are large and the damage they do to other parents, their children, and society is staggering. Sociopaths are cruel—without moral conscience, empathy, sympathy, or compassion. Their purpose is to win by domination. Harvard psychologist Martha Stout, in her book The Sociopath Next Door, states that one in twenty-five people is a sociopath. Furthermore, there is an estimated 20% of the general population with personality disorders. Those individuals who are the most dangerous are described in the DSM IV, Axis II Cluster B. The descriptive labels of these disorders are borderline, narcissistic, histrionic, and anti-social."

Individual Questions in the Interview:

What is “parental alienation”?

Why do parents engage in parental alienation?

What type of parent is likely to engage in parental alienation?

How do I know if my spouse is actually committing parental alienation?

What is “severe parental alienation”?

How will parental alienation affect the targeted parent?

How will parental alienation affect my child?

How will parental alienation affect my child when he grows up?

How do I prevent parental alienation?

How do I cope with parental alienation?

What is “parental alienation syndrome”?

How does parental alienation syndrome affect my child?

How do I cope with a child experiencing parental alienation syndrome?

How do I stop parental alienation if it is occurring?

Articles by Jayne Major, Ph.D. on Parental AlienationParents Who Have Successfully Fought Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): Its Causes, Cures, Costs, and Controversies

The Macabre Dance of Family Law Court, Abnormal Psychology, and Parental Alienation Syndrome – Summary

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Parental Alienation

Parental Alienation;


It’s been called the ultimate form of child abuse — parents brainwashing their children against an ex-spouse in order to win custody. They ARE harming your child emotionally and don’t care! Alienators teach their kids to be pathological liars. Parents should reach a truce, forget about revenge and money (child support) for the sake of the kids. But, most will they continue to battle it out in court and never consider what is best for the children and their future!

Lani-Kai Swanhart, an unfit Commissioner

I have been very silent about my case for a long time and instead, posted information that would be more useful to all. I now must start posting the crazy behavior I have found in the court systems so that you will know what you are getting into. It will not be just a disagreement with your ex. It will become a full, down in the gutter fight with your ex, attorneys (both yours and your ex) and the family court system that you find yourself in.


I will start with the latest regarding just a simple signing of an order. I will explain more and post the formal complaint I filed against both this commissioner and the attorney who represented my ex Linda. His documented lies in the court room went unchallenged from commissioner Swanhart.

In fact, her ruling was based on false information where she did not allow any disagreement, investigation or input from the opposing side before she made her ruling. You will see the entire complaint in the coming Blogs!

Below is just a short complaint I posted on her court forum;

Lani-Kai Swanhart needs replaced. She has failed the families in Yakima county. She demonstrates a lack of fairness, reasonability and responsibility.

I have filed a formal complaint with WA State and with the Yakima County Commissioners for her destructive and bias nature. Such a person should never be in the position she holds.

To fully understand her ineptitude, you only need to sit in her court room for a very short time.

My case had been appointed to a real Judge and had been ruled on. Both parties had agreed to and signed a modification. My attorney took the order to be signed and entered but had the misfortune to encounter Swanharts court room. She then refused one of the most simple of task for her court. She delayed a lawfully decided action and wasted more court and attorney time with her petty prejudice that reflects her common discrimination in my case.

The short e-mail below from my attorney speaks for itself.
“I just wanted to inform you that your orders were not entered because Commissioner Swanhart has been on the bench and because of your complaint against her; she refused to sign the orders. We will need to get the orders in front of a different judge so that they are signed and entered.”

Lani-Kai Swanhart is a disgrace and should be removed!

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Parental Alienation is Real and Harms Children

Action Alert: Tell Major Media Outlets, DSM Committee that Parental Alienation is Real and Harms Children


Short Version: A new Associated Press article covers the heated debate over Parental Alienation. We want you to write a letter to the DSM committee explaining that Parental Alienation is very real and needs to be taken seriously by our family courts–to do so, click here . Also, please write a Letter to the Editor concerning the AP article–click here and choose the email address of the appropriate newspaper(s).

Action Alert–We Want Your Participation

A new national Associated Press article discusses Parental Alienation and whether family courts should consider target parents’ claims of being alienated from their children by their ex-spouses. Led by psychiatrist William Bernet, a group of 70 mental health experts from 12 countries are part of an effort to add Parental Alienation to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), the American Psychiatric Association’s “bible” of diagnoses. To ensure that the DSM-V Task Force is aware of the scope and severity of Parental Alienation, thousands of our supporters responded to our Action Alert earlier this year to write to the DSM-V Task Force.

Our message got through–this week Dr. Darrel Regier, vice chair of the task force, told the Associated Press, “We’ve gotten an enormous amount of mail–more than [on] any other issue.” That “enormous amount of mail” was from you, our supporters.

The National Organization for Women, which seeks to suppress recognition of Parental Alienation both in family courts and in the mental health community, criticized our campaign and declared a counter-campaign against it.

We want you to write a letter to the DSM committee explaining that Parental Alienation is very real and needs to be taken seriously by our family courts–to do so, click here. Also, please write a Letter to the Editor concerning the AP article–click here and choose the email address of the appropriate newspaper(s).

Also, we urge you to join the debate in the comments section of the MSNBC version of the article by here.

Fathers and Families web site is located on this Blog,

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Flaws in Child Support System

Ohio Dad’s Case Shows Flaws in Child Support System


October 4th, 2010 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

Here’s a good article (Columbus Dispatch, 9/27/10). It says a lot, both in the words it uses and in those it doesn’t. It’s about child support and the strange notion that child support should go to the child. I know that shouldn’t be such a strange notion, but often it is.

Dale Lovett had a brief affair with an unmarried woman about six years ago. She had his son for whom he dutifully paid support. But now the boy, who is five years old, has come to live with Dale, but for months, the state still took his support payment out of his paycheck and dutifully sent it to the mother. Lovett complained to a couple of different agencies to no avail. The mother signed an affidavit that said the child no longer lived with her, but Lovett still couldn’t get his payments stopped. He wrote to the governor; nothing. It took pressure from the Columbus Dispatch to make someone pay attention. Now Lovett has both his son and, as the article so pointedly puts it, his whole paycheck.

It’s the same old story that I’ve been griping about for longer than I care to remember. States make it easy to establish paternity (so easy, sometimes any guy will do) and issue a child support order, but try to modify that order and it’s the 13th labor of Hercules. Often enough, modification is sought because the dad lost his job. So what do states do? They require him to go to court to get the order changed; that usually means hiring an attorney which he can’t remotely afford and in any event it takes months to get a hearing. By then he’s deeply in arrears with no job and no way of paying. And of course, interest kicks in and with the steadily rising arrearages, he may as well just check into jail.

Does the process help the child? Well, if the goal is to provide support, it’s hard to see how a father sitting in a jail cell helps.

Dale Lovett’s case is different, but the result was similar - his child was denied support. The state of Ohio’s failure to provide summary procedures for altering child support meant that, even though his son lived with him, Lovett’s paycheck was still lighter than it should have been because he was still paying the non-custodial mother. Did that help his son? No, but if the media hadn’t taken up his cause, I suppose he’d still be paying.

The problem could be solved if states would simply hire special masters or magistrates who do nothing but decide issues of child support modification. As with most such courts, they would relax the rules of evidence and publish what a person trying to modify an order would need to show the court to be successful. In Lovett’s case, probably the affidavit of his son’s mother would have been sufficient. In court it’s hearsay and of no value. People like Lovett wouldn’t need an attorney; basically, they’d just go before the master and state their case; the other party would have an opportunity to be heard and a ruling would be issued on the spot. The whole thing would probably take 10 minutes.

That would be quicker, easier, cheaper and fairer than the current system. It would also allow children like Dale Lovett’s son to get the support they need.

But the lack of summary procedures, while important, isn’t the only problem. The other is the lack of equality.

Custodial rights automatically start with the mother when a child is born out of wedlock, as about 40 percent of Ohio children are. Child-support agencies can order support for her once paternity is established. But to terminate support or send it elsewhere usually requires a custody ruling in court.

As Glenn Harris of the Columbus Urban League told the Dispatch,

“When you’re not married, as a father, you have no legal rights except to pay the support,” Harris said. Anything else must be sought in court.

So equalizing the rights of unmarried mothers and unmarried fathers would be a place to start. As Harris said, single fathers are ordered to pay support by the state enforcement agency. But in Lovett’s case and countless others, the same is not true of single mothers. It’s one of the things the article overlooks, but, while Lovett was ordered to pay by the Ohio child support agency, the same thing didn’t happen to his son’s mother when the boy came to live with Lovett. Why not? We can only guess. Supposedly the child support agency cares about parents supporting their children, but in Lovett’s case, it completely ignored one source of parental support - the mother’s.

The other is that, again as Lovett’s case shows, as a single father, his access to his child is entirely controlled by the mother. She became pregnant, but the first he knew about it was “when a letter came from the child support agency.” By refusing to require mothers to inform fathers of the existence of their children before birth, we only make it harder for fathers to connect with and support them. All states should pass laws requiring mothers to tell the father about his child before birth. If she’s not sure who the father is, she should be required to tell all potential dads.

I’d say such a law “is just simple justice,” except that, in the field of fathers’ rights, justice rarely seems simple.

From the Fathers and Families website posted here.
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