Unmarried or divorced father stats

Fathers who have never made the commitment of marriage or even of sticking around.

 

There was a time when fatherlessness was high on account of death. But: "A surprising suggestion emerging from recent social-science research," Popenoe points out, "is that it is decidedly worse to a child to lose a father in the modern, voluntary way than through death. The children of divorced and never-married mothers are less successful by almost every measure than the children of widowed mothers ... . And there is reason to believe that having an unmarried father is even worse for a child than having a divorced father."

And the statistical analyses of the US data are showing that children from a fatherless home are:

20 times more likely to end up in prison;

32 times more likely to run away.

20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.

14 times more likely to commit rape;

Nine times more likely to drop out of high school;

10 times more likely to abuse drugs;

Five times more likely to commit suicide;

Nine times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution;

Two times more likely to have children during their teenage years;

The litany of disaster continues in the US statistics:

85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes;

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes;

71% of all high-school dropouts come from fatherless homes;

71% of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents, so the cycle continues;

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical-abuse centers come from fatherless homes;

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes;

80% of rapists come from fatherless homes;

70% of juveniles in state facilities come from fatherless homes;

85% of all incarcerated youths grew up in a fatherless home.

Researchers have found that for children, the results of their mothers abandoning the marriage bed are nothing short of disastrous, along a number of dimensions

We ignore the problem of father absence to our peril. Of perhaps greatest concern is the lack of response from our lawmakers and policymakers, who pay lip service to the paramount importance of the "best interests of the child," yet turn a blind eye to father absence, ignoring the vast body of research on the dire consequences to children's well-being.

How appropriate that Justice Alito brought up cellphones in the recent Supreme Court hearings on the marriage cases. Because these days it seems like it is easier to get out of a marriage than it is to get out of a cellphone contract.

It is no secret that marriage is in a state of severe crisis in America. And while academics, statisticians, and pundits may quarrel about the exact divorce rate or its causes, no one would deny that the widespread legalization of no-fault divorce beginning in the early 1970s saw an explosion of divorce in this country.

Yet as social conservatives, and even many liberals, wring their hands about marital and familial breakdown, few seem to question whether our experiment with treating marriage like a restaurant experience-order what you like and send it back if you change your mind-is worth reconsidering.

Instead, no-fault divorce has become an assumed feature of the landscape of unbridled American freedom. Whereas once freedom in this country meant the right to live a good life, the ability to be a moral agent in the human enterprise, the chance to chase happiness, it now increasingly appears to mean the right to do whatever you want whenever you feel like it, regardless of whom you destroy in the process.

No-fault divorce is destroying women, children, and men. More precisely, divorce destroys marriage, and the destruction of marriage harms every party involved. The legality of no-fault divorce just makes it infinitely easier to hurt people. There are no two ways about it. No one comes out of a divorce a happier and more whole person.

Particularly offensive no-fault divorces are those where one spouse is protesting. In these cases, one spouse is literally abandoning the other (and frequently the children as well), despite having made public vows and having signed a contract before civil and religious officials stating their lifelong commitment to his or her spouse.

In this country you can come home from work and tell your spouse the marriage is over and he or she can do nothing but cry, and fight for the best financial payout possible. Try doing that with Verizon. Or while under contract to buy a home. Or with your gym membership. You'll get laughed at.

Eighty percent of divorces are unilateral. The legal sanctioning of human abandonment must end.

The family court system needs to do a much better job of keeping families together and combating the Evils of Parental Alienation. 

5-24-13 Will he grow up despite us all?

Well, let’s check in and see what the result of changing the custodial parent from the father to the mother has had on young Colton. This is the same child who commissioner Swanhart said was such a well mannered and polite young man after she interviewed him in her chambers a couple of years ago.  It was after that meeting where Swanhart was told things that could not have happened they way they were described and yet she never used any common sense when evaluating the statements. I was never allowed to question the statements or give any explanation of the facts. Swanhart stole my sons without giving me the legal opportunity to fight for them..  

3 written statements against me were presented. My ex wife Linda lied on here sworn statement, so did her girl friend (Lis) on the false statement she made. The other statement Linda was able to extort was from her sons then girl friend. This statement was also false and she apologized for making such a statement but said she was under a lot of pressure and stress because she was living with Linda at the time. 3 statements (lies) is all she had…In 2 days I had 17 upstanding citizens write statements not attacking my ex-wife like a grade school sandbox fight, but simple stated facts and supported me as a father. Police officers, CASA Gal, church members, school board members, teachers, school principle, (Who Linda complained to the school board about and demanded that he be disciplined for writing me a letter of support) my oldest son and many others wrote statements of support for me. Lies from Cottonhead and resentful predisposition of Swanhart towards a clean cut man in a cowboy hat with a beautiful wife by his side, led to an appalling ruling that wrecked a family and forever altered young man’s life.  

When Swanhart stole my sons future (with Linda Clark and Blain Connaughton), he had a 3.57 gpa. He was not in trouble in school and in fact was liked by the teachers, staff and students. He was happy and not into gangster crap or drugs. We know from FB posts that his mother is aware of the pot smoking but does not stop it. Neither does she have any positive influence over his school grades, attendance or participation, seems that allowing him to have sleep over’s with his girl friend was not a good parenting choice either. Linda was never concerned about the boys welfare or future, they were turned lose at her house. As long as they didn’t interfere with her dating and nightlife, she didn’t care where they went or what they did.

 Thanks Swanhart, you gave the boys to the one person that was described by the court appointed investigator as “showing more interest in her own financial situation than in the welfare of the boys.” And then the Clinical physiologist who after meeting with Linda and two of the boys stated, “this is the worst case of parental alienation I have ever seen in my 26 years of practice, over the top bad!”

He is now 16 years old, the last report available on 5-12-13 shows him failing 4 of his 6 classes, 1-C and 1-D+. He also has 26 unexcused, 28 excused absentness and 36 tardys.

He became a father in May and was 15 years old when he and his girl friend became pregnant. Now, the girl friend that was living with him and his mother (Linda) has returned home to her parents house, I am told. Colton says he is going to be a good Dad but his son is born out of wedlock. His son, his baby does not live with him. His son has no family right now. His Son has no one to support him. His father Colton cannot. Colton is not responsible enough to get himself to school. He has no respect for the school or faculty and that attitude comes from his mother and her lack of respect. She thinks that everyone owes her something and has passed that on to Colton. Colton is not taking care of his son, you are, the tax payer is, the government welfare and food stamp program are taking care of them all. The mother that was in school, the 16 year old father and now the baby, all are being taken care of by the tax payer as a result of their underage sex. Not the best way to start out a life and future.  

Well, it’s not over for sure. The actions of the court, the lies that were told and the evidence that was ignored will forever hang on the heads of Colton, his baby and the mother of Colton’s baby.  

Swanharts ruling will continue to have negative consequences for this family and for you, a tax payer who now is forced to support and pay for the actions of irresponsible children and a mentally ill mother.

Colton, if you read this...let it be a wakeup call for you!   

No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what anger or resentment you hold… YOU have a CHOICE!

You don’t have to continue down this loser, gangbanger, doper, and give a crap about anyone or anything road. Pull your pants up. Unless your hero is some loser in prison that has an enlarged butt hole…pull your pants up and stop acting like a loser! Colton, you are smart, you can fix your school problems if you have the guts to do it! It’s easy for a loser to just smoke a joint and forget about working towards a future. Are you a loser Colton? Do your pants hang down like a punk that wants to advertise his ass for sale or rent? Do you disrespect the teachers at school? Do you think school is a joke and something you don’t need? If so, then you are a fool and I didn’t raise no fool! I know you hate everything about me, you have made that clear on your FB. FYI Colton, I did not try to get you kicked out of school, I’m trying to get you kicked into school! I can’t do anything about your attendance or the fact that your mother does not care about you or your future. Yes, I am pulling the plug and telling it like it is, your mother is a loser but you don’t have to be. You boys are old enough now to see the truth. Everyone else knows it already Colton, everyone knows about your mother. You should still love her because she is your mother but as a mother to you and your bothers, she was worse than a loser, she was evil in how she lied, stole your kids childhood and manipulated the system. You have been robbed of your childhood, you have been robbed of a fun and joy filled school experience but you can still turn it around. It’s all up to you! Can you cowboy up or are your pants down at your knees and your arms reaching for your ankles? Fun and games are over Colton, you have now impacted other lives. Your girl friend has had a baby at a very young age. What do you intend to do? Will you marry her? If not, why? If you care enough about the young lady to have a baby with her, perhaps you care enough to marry her and support them both? You can graduate school and raise a family at the same time but you will need to buckle down and get to work. Stop blaming others and start working HARD!

The next 12 months will tell the tell Colton, are you a dope smoking loser, failing school, with a knocked up girl friend and nothing positive to look forward to except paying child support. Yes Colton, the state will be looking to you to provide support. Or will you use this as a turning point? The point where Colton grows up and takes control of his life? You can you know, no matter how you have been brainwashed, you can succeed. I know you are strong, I know you are smart, I know you can pull your pants up and get to work!

Question is, what does Colton believe and how tough is he? Will you straighten up and get to work, or will you do as your mother does and blame someone else because you fail school? Will you blame me because you have 26 unexcused absences? How in the world can you expect to get passing grades and more important, learn something, if you don’t attend school? 4 fs, 1 C and 1 D+….Colton, that is disgraceful! You are not STUPIED! But your grades sure say something else. If you can’t do your work in school, your employer will identify those grades with laziness or stupidity. Why would they hire you? Would you hire you? Lets see…Hi, I smoke dope, don’t care much for authority and didn’t care enough to study for or attend my school classes…when do I start for you?  Colton, you better grow up now!

Your play days are over, you will work and support your baby or the state will be after you for a long time for child support. Yes CHILD SUPPORT! I pay over $400 a month in child support for you and what does that money get? Perhaps you got some smoke or did it go up your mothers nose? Where has all that money gone? You have a car,^st 2 years after the divorce. She also sold the house I bought her, bought a larger one with a swimming pool and shortly afterwards, filled bankruptcy while she was working full time and I was paying her over $2,000 a month in tax free child support, Cars, booze, sex, drugs and nightlife are very expensive.  FYI Colton, your mother is not a good example of a responsible person so please don’t take her financial advice to heart. While I’m at it, doesn’t it seem funny that she never finished her school? Seems she didn’t need to learn anything either.

perhaps that was not money well spent but your mother loves cars. If I remember correctly, she bought and owned 11 cars and trucks in the 1

Up to you Colton, Cowboy up, or bend over for your prison boyfriend, choice is yours!

05/21/13	02:23 PM	INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE	CLS	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY
Comments: Please assign 1 lunch detention for failure to make up detentions he has not served for me for swearing.
05/13/13	08:50 AM	Disruptive Behavior	CLS	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY
Comments: I informed Colten that he no longer gets to leave class as he wanders around the school when he leaves. Colton started yelling and brought up what happened last week. I told him he was being rude and disrespectful and that that was the way it was, if he didn't like it, he could leave and complain. He continued yelling and using inappropriate language, and then became threatening, saying, "You better get out of my face!" At that point, I yelled at him telling him that he doesn't run the school and that I was tired of his crap and go to Seely's and not come back until we discuss this and settle it.
05/10/13	09:00 AM	DISRESPECT	CLS	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY	1
Comments: Colton displayed disrespect, insubordination, disruptive behavior, and inappropriate language and conduct when given an assignment. On May 9th Colton and several other boys in 2nd period had behaved irresponsibly. As a consequence, today, May 10th the students who made the poor choices yesterday received an alternate assignment to complete at their desks instead of participating in an active assignment with the rest of the class. Colton was the only student to react inappropriately to this assignment. He cursed, and said he wasn't goning to do the assignment. I told him he could do the assignment, or go to Mr. Seely's office. Colton shouted at me using rude language, slammed his bag and his hands around into a chair, desks etc. making a lot of noise and disrupting the class. He shouted all the way to the open door, then stood on the porch of the portable shouting into the room. In part he shouted, "I don't need this sh--! I'm out of the room now! What you gonna do now, huh?! You can't do nothing! What you gonna do?! I'm out! I'm out! What you gonna do?! You can't do nothing!" I left the front of the room and started towards the door and he retreated down the ramp, still shouting. I called Mr. Seely to alert him to Colton's imminent arrival. I left a voicemail message for him, then called Mrs. Schultz and got voicemail there too but did not leave her a message. I called Mrs. Notman and asked her to send Colton to Mr. Seely's office if she saw him wandering the halls. I doubted Colton would actually go to Mr. Seely's office as I had directed him. As it turned out, he didn't. Mr. Seely later entered my classroom and said he hadn't seen Colton. I reported to him that the other students were working well on the alternative assignment. Only Colton had reacted inappropriately.
03/22/13	12:40 PM	Inappropriate Conduct	CLS	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY	1
Comments: Disruptive, argumentative, refusal to follow directions, believing he's above rules and requirements. Sent to Mr. Seely for the remainder of the period.
10/08/12	11:59 AM	INSUBORDINATION	ALL	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY	1
Comments: Colton came to class with his food and pop from Freds. Colton asked to be able to eat his lunch. I told him to place it on the front desk and not touch it as the 2nd bell had rung. While everyone was preparing to take notes Colton said that he could have finished his lunch while everyone was getting ready. I told him that the school rules state that food is not allowed and that I could have thrown his food away instead of allowing him to set it aside til he leaves the class. Colton said that it "would not be a good career move" if I were to throw it away. Of course I then threw his food and drink away. Colton picked up his backpack and left the room, picking up his food and drink out of the trash can as he walked out the door
10/03/12	09:46 AM	Inappropriate Conduct	CLS	HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL	No	CHAD SEELY	1
Comments: Colton lied to the my sub telling her it was OK for him to eat his lunch in the classroom. I will take caare of his punishment.
Classes for: Trimester 3 (03/09/13-06/13/13) Prev View All Classes			Click on the underlined grade to see the assignments that make up that grade.

Period	Class	Description	Term	Teacher	P5	P6	TR3
0	ADV11/BR3	JR ADVISORY	S3	BRIAN RAFFERTY
1	ENG308/31	POETRY	S3	TERYNE OLLIE	F	F	F
2	TAHAZ/32	TEACHER ASSISTANT	S3	PATRICK HAZEN		F	F
3	MAT303/33	ALGEBRA 2C	S3	GREGORY WAGNER	F	D+	D+
4	SCI303/34	CHEMISTRY C	S3	BRAD JACOBSON	C	C	C
5	AGR202/35	ADVANCED WOODS	S3	PATRICK HAZEN	F	F	F
6	SST339/36	US HISTORY C	S3	BRIAN RAFFERTY	F	F	F

Come on Colton, get in the saddle and lets go for a ride! 

Where have we gone? What did we allow to happen?

HIGH SCHOOL -- 1957  vs. 2010
 Scenario 1:
Jack goes duck hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2010 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and  never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors  called in for traumatized students and teachers.    


Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands  and end up buddies.
2010 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark.  They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.


Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal.  He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.                
2010 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin.  He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money (SSI) from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.  


Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.                
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.  
2010 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse, Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.  


Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2010 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.                  


Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2010 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a  requirement for graduation is racist.  ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.                  


Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant  bed.  
1957 - Ants die.
2010 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.  The FBI investigates his parents - and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.                  


Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.  He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.  
1957 � In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.                
2010 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.  

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to "lose it" and be inappropriate with their words around children. However, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.

Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is so that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to entirely cut that parent out of their child’s life.

The Tragic Result

Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of "he said / she said" and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.

Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.

Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys, and therapists, understand the nature of the problem.

Major Family Services

Major Family Services was founded by Dr. Jayne Major, Ph.D. and offers classes, consulting, books and educational materials that address a broad range of unique parental training situations that can benefit all types of parents. For over 30 years, Dr. Major has been educating parents on the art of raising children and maintaining healthy family relationships. Dr. Major established Major Family Services, Inc. to expand the availability of her parental training classes and consulting services through a trained network of professional instructors certified in teaching her techniques. Dr. Major’s curriculum provides parents with advanced and proven child-rearing methods designed to encourage and promote psychologically sound ways to parent children. Major Family Services will continue to expand and offer classes in an ever-growing number of communities.   
    

Jayne Major, Ph.D.
President    

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D. is the founder of Major Family Services and the author of the acclaimed book Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation. She is nationally recognized as an expert in family education, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, author and consultant on optimal family relationships. She holds a doctorate in Philosophy of Education from UCLA.

 

A Personal Message from Jayne:

I became aware of how difficult it is to be a parent when my husband and I adopted two foster boys who were 7 and 9 at the time and had been severely abused and neglected. I rapidly ran out of everything that I knew to do. I had to face the fact that I needed to learn much more to be an effective parent.

I started reading how to books for parents and quickly discovered that even the experts disagree. What was so simple was turning out to not be simple at all. I decided to use parent education as the focus of my doctoral dissertation at UCLA. My purpose was to write a curriculum for parents that would be a psychologically solid and skill based way of raising children according to the best of what we know today.

My doctorate is in Philosophy of Education and what I philosophized about was psychology. When I graduated from UCLA I began speaking and teaching classes to many different groups of people. I also started writing books for parents. These books eventually became Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation.

I believe that when people know better they do better. Parent education is my passion. There is no more important job than that of being a parent. I enjoy consulting, teaching classes, and speaking about how we can improve the way that children are raised by their parents. I frequently consult with parents about discipline situations that have developed in their families and have become knowledgeable about divorce and child custody disputes. I show parents how to improve their strategy on how to handle difficult problems in families.

What I’ve found is that children want to get along with us and the main reason that we have struggles with children is due to the parent’s lack of skill and knowledge. Education is the key to successful parenting.

www.MajorFamilyServices.com

...

Last blog post by Just a Dad

I wish you thank all my friends and family that have supported my writing of this blog. Many days it has been more than painful to relive the night mare of what happened to my sons and to their childhood.

Linda Clark, Pain, unbelief, and total disgust is what I have felt for my Ex Linda Clark.  In her hate for me she has robbed the children of their heritage and extended families. She is responsible for the damaged relationships with grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins. My sons children will suffer because of this loss of family. All because of her jealousy over my remarriage and her evil obsession for money. Her actions in all of this is nothing but appalling and yet I forgive her. I will not try to understand nor condone her behavior, it was and is, simple evil in all definitions of the word. Yet I have only a limited understanding of her mental condition and have to accept that, as does everyone. This condition, this issue, has been with her for a very long time and she will not change and perhaps cannot change without years of treatment and medication (she referred to them as her "happy pills"). I do not envision her getting such treatment until ordered by the court. So I can only pray for healing of everyone who has a mental health issue, or health issue of any sort.

Lani-Kai Swanhart, I have done all I can to correct your wrongs. You made a very poor and damaging ruling, that is an undeniable fact. It is documented, it is now part of your history. No one knows your heart at the time or why you would do such a thing. Why you would cover up your mistake and not even let experts present their statements in your court room, that was and is, diabolical. You are a dismal failure in your duties in the family court system in Yakima WA.  We all can only hope that through my letters and official complaints to the local, state and federal levels, that you have looked inward and made the necessary changes to prevent such an outlandish and damaging ruling (as the one you made in my case) from happening again.  You were empowered with getting the truth and and making a fair and just ruling, you failed. Something in your past made you angry and resentful of my presence in your court (cowboy hat and beautiful wife). You made a ruling that changed and severely/adversely effected the future of my sons. Your rulings and attitude has changed my family history forever and it can never be made whole again. Yet, I must forgive you.

Blain Connaughton, As a person you disgust me. As an attorney you appall me. You made up a lie in court to change the direction of a simple matter of child support modification. You used your experience as a trail lawyer to damage a family for your own profit. You sir are a court whore! Your efforts to keep the children from seeing a Dr in an attempt to reconcile their relationship with me as a father was Evil. I trust you know that one day you will have to stand for judgment for your conduct and actions. On that day, you will have an honest representative and Judge. As evil as your actions were, I forgive you and the commissioner (this is my faith and thus my duty) as well as the one person that was responsible for the whole court issue, your client, Linda Clark.

To my younger sons, Dakota and Colton who view this blog; I hope and pray that you will never know my pain. I hope and pray that you will never suffer such total devastation and pain as I have experienced over this whole issue. I have emotionally suffered the death of you my sons, my loved ones, over and over and over. I hope and pray you will never ever, understand this pain. You know your roles in this, you know the parts you played. You know the truth of the Parental Alienation that took place in your mother’s home. You know the lies your mother has told about me. You know and have seen the e-mails that I had to show you to correct the lies your mother was telling you. You heard the tape I had to play for you to prove that your mother was lying about why she signed her custody rights away, freely, under no threat and with her own admission that is was the best thing to do. You know how you both asked for that change. You both know I did not agree to your request until you both spoke to Marcia S. It was not until her report from you boys about what went on in your mother’s house; how she had no control over anyone in there. How you feared being in her house, how men were coming in and out all the time, how your mother would leave the house at night after she thought you boys were asleep to go to the bar. How Colton had asked her many times to stay home. How you both missed practices because she would not take you. Only after the cost/expense of many hours of investigating those allegations and proving them true… did  I asked your mother for the meeting to propose a change.  You also know and have seen the e-mails where I asked your mother to move back into the school district. You have seen the e-mails where I asked her time and time again to help you boys by modifying her life style while it was her week of custody. You have seen those and the ones where your mother was attacking me, threatening me and Jan. You saw those because she said I was doing this to her. I was not and had to prove it to you! (I still have the e-mails and many recordings, you are welcome to see them or hear them anytime) You saw her lies in her own words! Yet, you turned your backs on me. You believed her, you were drawn into her twisted world and made up stories about me that were untruthful and very mean. You did the same to a loving step mother. She read poems, books and the children bible to you. She held you when you cried and listened to you when you needed a friend. She took you hunting when I could not. She took you to practice when I could not. She helped you with home work. She bought programs to help with classes. She found and bought you great and safe horses for your enjoyment. She bought you snow machines for winter fun. She encouraged  us all to take vacations, horseback rides, fishing and family trips. She got us all skiing together again, because she knew how important all these things are and she made it happen for us.  She took you to California, the zoo, the beaches, movies and dinner. She taught us all about cooking and improved our manners. She was nothing less than an outstanding mother to all you boys! She never did those things to make your mother jealous, angry or to belittle her, she did them out of love for you and me! She was a mother!

You repaid her with what?

To my older sons, Josh, your love and support of everyone has been outstanding and honorable.

Kaleb have supported me at times but also attacked me over this blog when a post made your mother mad. I have to wonder, did you stand up and correct your mother in the same way when you knew I was angry? How did you feel and did you defend me when your girl friend at the time and your mother got together and drafted a court statement full of damaging lies. Lies that have hurt you, your brothers, your father and your step mother. Lies that will live with us all for the rest of our days.

I have always loved each and everyone one of my sons.

I have  loved and fought for the two youngest, more that most people can understand.

I did all I could to be a father to them, even when it hurt deeply.

I have even suffered the pain of pulling back and letting them live their lives as they see fit, in an attempt to stop the daily conflict they were experiencing.

I have, and am, suffering heart breaking anguish as I see Colton falling into a moral hell hole.

I have suffered with my health and through other relationships pains in my attempt to protect my sons futures.

I tried hard as I could to get the truth out and correct all the wrongs… it seems I worked in vain as correction can only happen with open minds.

I also have been very blessed;

I have been blessed with the unwavering support of friends and family.

I was blessed and amazed to have 3 different attorneys approach me in the Yakima county court hallways and offer their unsolicited advice and sympathy at a time when I was representing myself at multiple hearings. I was blessed with the understanding and support of the Doctor and court investigator, who interviewed my children and ex wife Linda Clark. I have been blessed with the support of the children’s ex step mother. She was publicly silent when attacked by Linda Clark and in the home with the boys. She only spoke kind words to the children about their mother and addressed the children’s questions with compassion. I am blessed that she has now come forward with documentation that supports me as a father and directly and boldly addressed the lies Linda Clark has told my sons. I am blessed to have people willing to suffer attacks on my behalf, while trying to correct lies about me in an attempt to correct my families relationships.  I am blessed that this ordeal has put me on my knees and created a new and everlasting relationship with Christ. I was blessed to be re baptized last year (by my everlasting friend, pastor and brother, Ken Larson) by full water submersion into the river waters and excepted into the church of God 7^th day.  This is how I am able to forgive those who have sinned against me. Their sins, helped save me. I pray I am able to return this blessing.

The Bible, if we all would just follow the words, the truth and the teachings in the Bible, there would be no family problems! Family problems only happen when Evil is allowed in. There are many words of direction, correction and encouragement. The bible is the manual and the church is its spokesman on earth today. There are also words which address courts, lies, evil and how to deal with such.

Zechariah 8:16-17 These are things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgments in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this declares the Lord.

(this very simple advise would have saved and kept whole, my sons childhood)

Proverbs 6 :16-19 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissention among brothers.

(no mixing of words, no wiggle room, no compromise, just straight talk)

Proverbs 10:23 A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.

(just simple advise)

Proverbs 9:8 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse

(I found this very true, in a very personal way)

Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone Evil for Evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

(my moral up bringing is why 17 statements to the court did not attack the conduct of Linda Clark, (even when I had such documentation)  they only spoke of support for me as a father… and my sense of right and wrong is why I have never made false allegations) (Sad to say, the commissioner found this odd,,,, the one that throws the most dirt, wins in court).

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay” says the Lord.

I pray that anyone who views this blog will turn to a good study Bible for support and guidance.

This blog will remain on the internet until the internet no longer exists. For those who view the blog I hope and pray that it helps you, your situation, your children and your family is some way. I have heard it said, “one man’s pain is another man’s gain”.

There is a huge amount of information about the issue of Parental Alienation and mental illness. Search the past blogs for help with your questions.

Boys, love you all, always will!

The truth is the same, it is there, always will be!

Just a Dad

The key to release, rest, and inner freedom is not the elimination of all external difficulties. It is letting go of our pattern of reactions to those difficulties.

~Hugh Prather 

We were all very happy and the boys would have finished growing up in a stable loving home. Completing their trip to man hood as responsible young men with  good work ethics and respect for all.

Dakotas Graduation 2011

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