Evils Of Parental Alienation

Merry Christmas to you and all our children

2011-12-14T11:44:00.000-08:00

I am posting this e-mail for everyone, and for my own sons. I hope as to grow and mature, as you yourselves have families, please understand what is important in life. Live your life for God 1st.

The order of your love is very clear, love your God 1st, love, honor and protect your wife 2nd and then raise your children with love and discipline as God has instructed in the Bible. This is the ONLY (and very simple) road map you have to parenting and living a happy and fulfilling life.

Dad

From Jayne A. Major;

Is it already Christmas time again? It seems like it was only a little while ago that we were ringing in the New Year. Now here we are again. It's always interesting to ask people what the holiday season means to them. Although the answers vary, one thing that is consistent is that our experiences in childhood are typically what determines how we answer that question. And it is typically our parents who set the tone for the holidays and ultimately influenced the positive or negative feelings that carry forward into our own adulthood.

We should all strive to make the holiday season a time of joy for our children. However, we too often associate a joyous Christmas or Hanukkah with the bounty of gifts that one receives. We see mobs of people in the shopping malls who will seemingly stop at nothing to get that last available popular doll or video game for their child. We condition our children to think that the expense and popularity of the gifts they receive represent a measure of their parent's love. This is a trap that all parents must avoid by teaching their children the true meaning of Christmas: the joy of giving.

I have gone into homes where it looked like the parents bought the whole inventory from Toys R Us. In fact, the children and their toys had taken over every room in the house. While merchants would be thrilled if parents would do this, I don't think that it is a good idea. Children have no restraint about asking for anything and everything that crosses their mind to want. It is easy to go overboard at Christmas and Hanukkah by spending too much money. Parents need to be the voice of reason and say "no" to unreasonable requests.

The best gifts are not necessarily expensive, but something that is meaningful that will enhance the quality of the child's life. In our family we posted a wish list. We wrote on the list everything that we wanted with the most important thing at the top. If the desired gift was an expensive item then two or more family members would go in together to share the expense. These lists took a lot of the guess work out of shopping for other family members.

On the other hand, many families don't have money to pay for Christmas presents at all. I suggest that you have everyone write his or her name on a slip of paper and put it in a hat. Each person in the family draws another family member's name. It is their job to think of something that person would enjoy, such as a poem, a drawing, a heartfelt letter, or something delicious to eat.

A wonderful gift simply doesn't have to be expensive.

Wishing your and your families a joyous Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

Sincerely,

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.
Major Family Services

Comment and video from Dave

2011-11-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

Here is a video of my experience with spousal abuse and parental alienation. I was married to someone who I knew had a high-conflict personality, but I was completely blindsided by what happened during our divorce. I hope others will learn from my experience and will take measures to protect their children before it's too late. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

Warning, strong language.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJDsruc-xxg

Hi Dave,

Thanks for adding your comment. I am very sorry for your loss and understand your pain in what you have and will continue to suffer through. To lose a child (that you love and kissed goodnight) or children is worse than death. It is worse because as your video points out, the children suffer for the rest of their lives and perhaps beyond that with their own family. Seeing the change in behavior (school grades, attendance, friends and attitude) is very hard to deal with (like seeing them in hell and not being able to save them). It is easy to blame yourself for the PA as you ask yourself what could or should I have done different to stop what happened. I have not found anything that would have prevented what happened in my case. Some people are programmed to deal with self image issues by attacking others as a way to elevate their position. This has always been a fact and always will be. Thus the speaking poorly of you in front of the children. If this was not her or their goal, they would never subject the children they love to such a argument. Any disagreement could and should be discussed in private. When it is done in front of children, it is for a duel purpose.

To remarry, before or after your big (D) is a direct threat to your ex spouse. She does not want you but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you! (she does not want the children to see you wanted and loved by someone else either, because she has told the children how bad you are, so to see another woman in love with you, treating you with respect… would cast doubt on what she has been saying) You are also a low life un trusting abusing pig, until she needs you to take the kids for a weekend she has planed, then you are ok…

Search for (jealousy, the root of all evil)

If you find a way to stop or reverse PAS, please let me know!

The only thing I can see changing is the court system and how they deal with high conflict situations. I think they need a full and personal investigation before placing children or setting parenting times. Just as in your case, the truth came out but much to late to help your family.

I hope your children will see the truth in time and although they may have lost their childhood, perhaps they can safe their own adulthood.

Good luck to you

Help in Yakima family court

2011-10-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

I felt it very important, to not only post the comment below Lani-Kai Swanhart, an unfit Commissioner but to add it to the blog pages. It seems there is help in Yakima and if you are in family court there, I would encourage you to contact the number below. You will need to do your investigation and use your best judgment when contacting the number below. I cannot recommend anyone that I personally don’t know. Still, I think it would be worth your time visit with the person below;

I am a GAL in the Yakima court system but I also work with a parent who is representing him/herself to gain custody or increased visitation. I provide advocacy and case management.

I have and M.S.S.W. from Columbia University and years of experience working with children and families in the family court system.

Since only 28% of the father's in Yakima County have 50 percent custody of their children, advocacy and case management are critical to increasing the father's involvement with the child. Counties on the western side of the state have upwards of 65% of the fathers who have 50% custody of their child.

I am easily able to challenge court custody investigators or GALs who often lack the experience I hold.

Parental alienation is an extremely important issue and judges must be reminded how damaging it is for the kids. 509-312-9850

Reply to Anonymous comment on Jealousy, the root of all Evil posted on March 29th 2010

2011-08-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Below is the comment;

Have you bothered to read your own blog? Children have one mother, and I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden. It is fine to come in and love your new spouses children and be a good role model for them, but it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one. You mentioned in your blog numerous times what a great "mom" your new wife is to your boys. Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her. I have the same problem with my childs stepmother. I am a great and loving mom. I got along just fine with my ex and we were able to co-parent together until his new wife came along. She wants to be mom now and wants me out of the picture. It is very damaging to a child when a new person comes along and thinks they are a replacement for their own parent and they know best, etc. etc. Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out to get rid of their competition they feel. VERY SAD!!!

Here is my response;

Well anonymous, You sound like a very troubled woman indeed. It is very apparent from your comment that you, like my ex Linda, suffer from acute jealousy and most likely that stems from somewhere deep in your past. I expect that you have had to deal with low self esteem all your life. That is very unfortunate. It must be very difficult to go through life with a deep envy of others. Perhaps you have a sense of superiority over everyone else and this justifies your actions. In any case you have my sympathies, yet this does cannot condone your behavior.

Point being you have no idea about the mother, so why the support of the mother and attack on the step mother? (I am sure this mother was doing just fine with her kids until this new lady shows up and wants to be mom all of a sudden) From the day they were born she (the boys mother) could not handle the responsibility. She did not have to work and therefore had no job. Yet she chose to take a part time job and send the kids to day care because she said “I can’t stand it, they drive me crazy and I need a break from them”. The job only paid the day care fee so she was working for free just to get away from her own children. I understand that she is not alone, many mothers now days take this path. Later she would spend weekends with her friend to get away from me and the boys, leading to her abandoning her family and moving next door to her boyfriend while she was still married. On the week that she had the 4 boys, she would leave them alone and go out on the town with her boy friend. She repeatedly brought men home from the bars and gambling casinos to spend the night. All this on the week she had the boys. A decent mother would have at least stayed home with her sons during her week with them and limit her whoring around on the week the children where gone. You see, you know nothing of this woman. Would you condone such behavior???
I think that is why we see such a decline in our society. I firmly believe the most important responsibility a mother can have is to provide a good home environment and Christian instruction for the children. The children should be JOB ONE! Sadly many women put their own self ambitions in front of the kids welfare.

Why do make this statement: “it is never ok to come in and be their "mom" for they already have one”. You are very disturbed! The best thing any ex spouse could hope for is that a new step parent would be a loving caring person. If the children are only spending 1-2 days every couple of weeks with one of the parents then it would be difficult to have the same bond as say those who share time equally. In my case, my new wife was much more of a mother to my children than their own mother ever was. This fact was very plain for everyone see, even to my ex. This led to her jealousy, rage, attacks and in 2 of the 4 cases, successful alienation of the children from my new wife and myself!

You show a much to common mental condition when you make this statement: . “Their real and only mom is not replaceable because you dont like her.”

The “real” mom was never replaced nor was she ever spoken poorly of. Both my wife and me supported the boy’s mother. We even have many letters sent to her asking that she move closer to the boys and school. That would allow her more time with them. She refused our request and said she would not move to little Tijuana, insinuating that there were to many Mexicans where we lived. It seems it was fine for the boys to go to school there but she was not going to live there. If you wish, I can post those letters.

You seem to live in a very deranged world. Your statements about the new wife wanting to be the real mother, take control and “get rid of their competition” shows your paranoia. I don’t think it would matter at all who your ex remarried, you would fear any relationship she has with your kids. You seem to know in your heart your weakness as a parent and fear those will be exposed by any other woman. I think you are correct in that regard, any other woman may seem like a more loving and supporting mother to your children than you. You need to focus on being a good mother and stop obsessing about your exs new wife!

Your accusations about “Step parents often try to force themselves into the parenting role and try to force the real parent out” are certainly unfounded in my case and I see no documentation that your view is supported by professionals in the field.

From your comments I can conclude that you are one of the mothers that would practice parental alienation as a way to stop your children from having a healthy relationship with their step mother and perhaps with the own father.

In my case, the mother was documented to have an extreme anger problem and indeed was, “the worse case or parental alienation I have seen” by a doctor in the this field that spent time with her in his office.

I feel very sorry for your children, your ex and his wife. You must be a horrible person to try and co parent with.

For the sake of your children and that of your grandchildren, I hope you seek professional help.

What is Parental Alienation?

2011-07-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

Parental alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to "lose it" and be inappropriate with their words around children. However, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.

Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is so that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to entirely cut that parent out of their child’s life.

The Tragic Result

Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of "he said / she said" and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.

Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.

Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys, and therapists, understand the nature of the problem.

Major Family Services

Major Family Services was founded by Dr. Jayne Major, Ph.D. and offers classes, consulting, books and educational materials that address a broad range of unique parental training situations that can benefit all types of parents. For over 30 years, Dr. Major has been educating parents on the art of raising children and maintaining healthy family relationships. Dr. Major established Major Family Services, Inc. to expand the availability of her parental training classes and consulting services through a trained network of professional instructors certified in teaching her techniques. Dr. Major’s curriculum provides parents with advanced and proven child-rearing methods designed to encourage and promote psychologically sound ways to parent children. Major Family Services will continue to expand and offer classes in an ever-growing number of communities.

Jayne Major, Ph.D.
President

Jayne A. Major, Ph.D. is the founder of Major Family Services and the author of the acclaimed book Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation. She is nationally recognized as an expert in family education, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, author and consultant on optimal family relationships. She holds a doctorate in Philosophy of Education from UCLA.

A Personal Message from Jayne:

I became aware of how difficult it is to be a parent when my husband and I adopted two foster boys who were 7 and 9 at the time and had been severely abused and neglected. I rapidly ran out of everything that I knew to do. I had to face the fact that I needed to learn much more to be an effective parent.

I started reading how to books for parents and quickly discovered that even the experts disagree. What was so simple was turning out to not be simple at all. I decided to use parent education as the focus of my doctoral dissertation at UCLA. My purpose was to write a curriculum for parents that would be a psychologically solid and skill based way of raising children according to the best of what we know today.

My doctorate is in Philosophy of Education and what I philosophized about was psychology. When I graduated from UCLA I began speaking and teaching classes to many different groups of people. I also started writing books for parents. These books eventually became Breakthrough Parenting: Moving Your Family from Struggle to Cooperation.

I believe that when people know better they do better. Parent education is my passion. There is no more important job than that of being a parent. I enjoy consulting, teaching classes, and speaking about how we can improve the way that children are raised by their parents. I frequently consult with parents about discipline situations that have developed in their families and have become knowledgeable about divorce and child custody disputes. I show parents how to improve their strategy on how to handle difficult problems in families.

What I’ve found is that children want to get along with us and the main reason that we have struggles with children is due to the parent’s lack of skill and knowledge. Education is the key to successful parenting.

www.MajorFamilyServices.com

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Last blog post by Just a Dad

2011-05-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I wish you thank all my friends and family that have supported my writing of this blog. Many days it has been more than painful to relive the night mare of what happened to my sons and to their childhood.

Linda Clark, Pain, unbelief, and total disgust is what I have felt for my Ex Linda Clark. In her hate for me she has robbed the children of their heritage and extended families. She is responsible for the damaged relationships with grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins. My sons children will suffer because of this loss of family. All because of her jealousy over my remarriage and her evil obsession for money. Her actions in all of this is nothing but appalling and yet I forgive her. I will not try to understand nor condone her behavior, it was and is, simple evil in all definitions of the word. Yet I have only a limited understanding of her mental condition and have to accept that, as does everyone. This condition, this issue, has been with her for a very long time and she will not change and perhaps cannot change without years of treatment and medication (she referred to them as her "happy pills"). I do not envision her getting such treatment until ordered by the court. So I can only pray for healing of everyone who has a mental health issue, or health issue of any sort.

Lani-Kai Swanhart, I have done all I can to correct your wrongs. You made a very poor and damaging ruling, that is an undeniable fact. It is documented, it is now part of your history. No one knows your heart at the time or why you would do such a thing. Why you would cover up your mistake and not even let experts present their statements in your court room, that was and is, diabolical. You are a dismal failure in your duties in the family court system in Yakima WA. We all can only hope that through my letters and official complaints to the local, state and federal levels, that you have looked inward and made the necessary changes to prevent such an outlandish and damaging ruling (as the one you made in my case) from happening again. You were empowered with getting the truth and and making a fair and just ruling, you failed. Something in your past made you angry and resentful of my presence in your court (cowboy hat and beautiful wife). You made a ruling that changed and severely/adversely effected the future of my sons. Your rulings and attitude has changed my family history forever and it can never be made whole again. Yet, I must forgive you.

Blain Connaughton, As a person you disgust me. As an attorney you appall me. You made up a lie in court to change the direction of a simple matter of child support modification. You used your experience as a trail lawyer to damage a family for your own profit. You sir are a court whore! Your efforts to keep the children from seeing a Dr in an attempt to reconcile their relationship with me as a father was Evil. I trust you know that one day you will have to stand for judgment for your conduct and actions. On that day, you will have an honest representative and Judge. As evil as your actions were, I forgive you and the commissioner (this is my faith and thus my duty) as well as the one person that was responsible for the whole court issue, your client, Linda Clark.

To my younger sons, Dakota and Colton who view this blog; I hope and pray that you will never know my pain. I hope and pray that you will never suffer such total devastation and pain as I have experienced over this whole issue. I have emotionally suffered the death of you my sons, my loved ones, over and over and over. I hope and pray you will never ever, understand this pain. You know your roles in this, you know the parts you played. You know the truth of the Parental Alienation that took place in your mother’s home. You know the lies your mother has told about me. You know and have seen the e-mails that I had to show you to correct the lies your mother was telling you. You heard the tape I had to play for you to prove that your mother was lying about why she signed her custody rights away, freely, under no threat and with her own admission that is was the best thing to do. You know how you both asked for that change. You both know I did not agree to your request until you both spoke to Marcia S. It was not until her report from you boys about what went on in your mother’s house; how she had no control over anyone in there. How you feared being in her house, how men were coming in and out all the time, how your mother would leave the house at night after she thought you boys were asleep to go to the bar. How Colton had asked her many times to stay home. How you both missed practices because she would not take you. Only after the cost/expense of many hours of investigating those allegations and proving them true… did I asked your mother for the meeting to propose a change. You also know and have seen the e-mails where I asked your mother to move back into the school district. You have seen the e-mails where I asked her time and time again to help you boys by modifying her life style while it was her week of custody. You have seen those and the ones where your mother was attacking me, threatening me and Jan. You saw those because she said I was doing this to her. I was not and had to prove it to you! (I still have the e-mails and many recordings, you are welcome to see them or hear them anytime) You saw her lies in her own words! Yet, you turned your backs on me. You believed her, you were drawn into her twisted world and made up stories about me that were untruthful and very mean. You did the same to a loving step mother. She read poems, books and the children bible to you. She held you when you cried and listened to you when you needed a friend. She took you hunting when I could not. She took you to practice when I could not. She helped you with home work. She bought programs to help with classes. She found and bought you great and safe horses for your enjoyment. She bought you snow machines for winter fun. She encouraged us all to take vacations, horseback rides, fishing and family trips. She got us all skiing together again, because she knew how important all these things are and she made it happen for us. She took you to California, the zoo, the beaches, movies and dinner. She taught us all about cooking and improved our manners. She was nothing less than an outstanding mother to all you boys! She never did those things to make your mother jealous, angry or to belittle her, she did them out of love for you and me! She was a mother!

You repaid her with what?

To my older sons, Josh, your love and support of everyone has been outstanding and honorable.

Kaleb have supported me at times but also attacked me over this blog when a post made your mother mad. I have to wonder, did you stand up and correct your mother in the same way when you knew I was angry? How did you feel and did you defend me when your girl friend at the time and your mother got together and drafted a court statement full of damaging lies. Lies that have hurt you, your brothers, your father and your step mother. Lies that will live with us all for the rest of our days.

I have always loved each and everyone one of my sons.

I have loved and fought for the two youngest, more that most people can understand.

I did all I could to be a father to them, even when it hurt deeply.

I have even suffered the pain of pulling back and letting them live their lives as they see fit, in an attempt to stop the daily conflict they were experiencing.

I have, and am, suffering heart breaking anguish as I see Colton falling into a moral hell hole.

I have suffered with my health and through other relationships pains in my attempt to protect my sons futures.

I tried hard as I could to get the truth out and correct all the wrongs… it seems I worked in vain as correction can only happen with open minds.

I also have been very blessed;

I have been blessed with the unwavering support of friends and family.

I was blessed and amazed to have 3 different attorneys approach me in the Yakima county court hallways and offer their unsolicited advice and sympathy at a time when I was representing myself at multiple hearings. I was blessed with the understanding and support of the Doctor and court investigator, who interviewed my children and ex wife Linda Clark. I have been blessed with the support of the children’s ex step mother. She was publicly silent when attacked by Linda Clark and in the home with the boys. She only spoke kind words to the children about their mother and addressed the children’s questions with compassion. I am blessed that she has now come forward with documentation that supports me as a father and directly and boldly addressed the lies Linda Clark has told my sons. I am blessed to have people willing to suffer attacks on my behalf, while trying to correct lies about me in an attempt to correct my families relationships. I am blessed that this ordeal has put me on my knees and created a new and everlasting relationship with Christ. I was blessed to be re baptized last year (by my everlasting friend, pastor and brother, Ken Larson) by full water submersion into the river waters and excepted into the church of God 7^th day. This is how I am able to forgive those who have sinned against me. Their sins, helped save me. I pray I am able to return this blessing.

The Bible, if we all would just follow the words, the truth and the teachings in the Bible, there would be no family problems! Family problems only happen when Evil is allowed in. There are many words of direction, correction and encouragement. The bible is the manual and the church is its spokesman on earth today. There are also words which address courts, lies, evil and how to deal with such.

Zechariah 8:16-17 These are things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgments in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this declares the Lord.

(this very simple advise would have saved and kept whole, my sons childhood)

Proverbs 6 :16-19 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissention among brothers.

(no mixing of words, no wiggle room, no compromise, just straight talk)

Proverbs 10:23 A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.

(just simple advise)

Proverbs 9:8 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse

(I found this very true, in a very personal way)

Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone Evil for Evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

(my moral up bringing is why 17 statements to the court did not attack the conduct of Linda Clark, (even when I had such documentation) they only spoke of support for me as a father… and my sense of right and wrong is why I have never made false allegations) (Sad to say, the commissioner found this odd,,,, the one that throws the most dirt, wins in court).

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay” says the Lord.

I pray that anyone who views this blog will turn to a good study Bible for support and guidance.

This blog will remain on the internet until the internet no longer exists. For those who view the blog I hope and pray that it helps you, your situation, your children and your family is some way. I have heard it said, “one man’s pain is another man’s gain”.

There is a huge amount of information about the issue of Parental Alienation and mental illness. Search the past blogs for help with your questions.

Boys, love you all, always will!

The truth is the same, it is there, always will be!

Just a Dad

The key to release, rest, and inner freedom is not the elimination of all external difficulties. It is letting go of our pattern of reactions to those difficulties.

~Hugh Prather

We were all very happy and the boys would have finished growing up in a stable loving home. Completing their trip to man hood as responsible young men with good work ethics and respect for all.

Dakotas Graduation 2011

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Very Personal Reply!

2011-05-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

(note) views in this blog are of a very personal nature, but because my sons are now at a cross roads in their lives, I must make one more attempt to get past the bombardment of lies and get a truthful understanding.

Well, after many months of relatively no contact by my ex wife Linda, that has changed. She is back again because of a meeting I had with my son Dakota. Mentally, as pointed out in the last blog, she feels threatened by the loss of any control or influence over the boys. She has been consumed with the blogs about this case as are the boys now. Sadly enough, she has poisoned the boys minds and especially the youngest. The callousness and total disrespect for me and his step mother is a learned by product of Parental Alienation (still, he is old enough to take responsibility for his own life). Linda continues to practice, repeat and hold steadfast to lies that have apparently taken hold in the children’s minds. This is and was her goal. To that end, she has won…but the boys have lost. Linda, you are Evil for what you have done. Your history of prescriptions for your condition is documented, yet that is not a reason for what you have done. Hereditary symptoms are something that were acknowledged years ago so why to do resist treatment? Why did you fight so hard to keep the boys from continuing to see a professional? Even in the short time you visited with Dr Newell, he pegged your illness. You cannot deny his written statement to the court. No lie or anything else can argue with this. The internet is full of examples of women like you. Although as the Doctor stated you maybe, “over the top bad”. It is a huge problem for society so I guess you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, there are many disturbed women out there just like you, you are not special.

As promised, I will provide my thoughts to the recent e-mails and comments below.

In the past 24 hours there have been many obscene comments left by the self proclaimed gang banger. I refuse to be drawn down to his/her level with a reply. Such a person is lost and will be found only when his/her heart changes.

Someone has posted as Donna on a blog that Jan posts. I have seen this before, if it is not directly Linda then it is Linda words. I paste the whole comment here and reply in it in Blue. I will point out how she sets up the letter, and the lies in it.

I have known Linda and her boys for several years now It starts with setting a time line and I can honestly now has to state she is telling the truth say that she has her boys' best interest at heart Shows how she only cares for the boys, not herself. She has struggled at times making herself the victim because she hadn't received any child support for the boys from their father A convenient lie to help support her claim as the innocent victim of a rotten ex husband, any fool can see the court child support documents. $1,852 per month is what Linda was paid. I don't know Bruce personally and cannot judge him, then how could she have know Linda and the boys for several years? however I do see the hurt and anger that his boys now have. Really,,,both boys are running around showing the hurt and anger, how can she expect anyone to believe this letter? They are all great kids and he should be very proud of them and what they've accomplished. Yep, she knows them well. Colton just barely passed this last trimester and his GPA has dropped over a full point since he moved in with his mother. His attendance (over 30 missed days this year) is public record (as it will stay with him long after school and effect his job opportunities)

Linda has wanted to provide the best home for her boys and has had to move a couple of times. So what? Man, write a letter as a make believe person to excuse your actions (bankruptcy, moving 7 times, gambling and drinking, so many cars I lost count) …amazing. I've done the same thing in my past, that doesn't make me a bad mother or person. Ok, so now she feels better about herself because her make believe friend has done the same thing…is there any questions now? She has always been there for me when I needed a friend. Yes Linda, you are a great person in your mind, we understand that I have never seen this angry crazy bi-polar side of her that you speak of, but again why do you care so much? Anyone that has read anything to do with this case of parental alienation knows that mental illness is a key component of this behavior.

All that matters is the relationship between the boys and their father, you are not their family and have no rights in this relationship. Hmmm, yes ma’am, so you don’t know me but can comment on what role the boys step mother should have, and per you, without knowing Jan, or much at all about the boys, find that she (Jan the ex step mother) has no right of any kind. Who did you ask for this approval? And why do you think you could speak for me??? has Step back and let them alone. Linda, even in the 3^rd person cannot help but make demands. It is her way to control the situation Someday Bruce will regret not being able to be with his boys when they were young adults. What a foolish person this is, doesn’t know me and can’t read blogs? I fought for years to save their childhood! This is time you can replace; if you are truly ill then you should be even more willing to resolve your differences and move on Hmmm, goes from commenting on Jans blog and speaking to and about Jan, to addressing me directly, how can anyone make that jump in a conversation? - at least until the end of your life. Ha ha, then has to point out that my life, percentage wise, will be short. Thanks for the concern Give these boys a memory they will have with them long after you are gone. Well, there it is, the complete circle. We now are back to where it all started, money! Dakota, not long ago sent me a request for money saying, that would be very “memorable”. Dang, I hate that those words and his request are such a close match in such a short time. I wish I had be wrong. Perhaps the boys will look at the photos posted here and the albums Jan and I gave them as a Christmas present. Those are great times and lasting memories that I want the boys to have. Not something like Dad bought me a car (my child support has done that many times over for Dakota already) for graduation or my 18^th B day. But, my views are much different from Linda’s and now, I guess the younger boys also. Nice try Linda, I will reply to your letter below and then be done, this seems to be a lost cause.

Below you will see Linda on her best behavior in an attempt to disprove anything negative that anyone has ever said about her. It may work it you didn’t know her, if you didn’t have a huge suitcase full of old e-mails from her. Go through the old blogs and you will see comments from some of those e-mails and yes, they are a matter of public record.

Jan I will answer your question?? for the last time.... ha ha, like all linda does is try to get along with Jan and correct the bad things she says. Sorry, I can’t help but laugh because here we go…into la la land! (really, it’s how I have learned to deal with a very sick situation)
At the last child support hearing Bruce under oath told the judge that he gave you everything in your divorce No, that is not correct but close, I didn’t have much to give in (YAKIMA COUNTY) WHICH THERE IS NO RECORD OF oh Linda stop, that’s is just plain stupid...the judge stated that he must be divorced in Yakima County and he said yes he was....LIe Lie Lie.. Linda you are sick. How anyone, even yourself can believe otherwise, Crazy? The whole world acknowledges this. Everyone but you?
and
you know that as well as he does that divorce does not exist Whew, what can you say? How do you argue with this? This is public record and yet she will openly deny it in a letter. No one needs any further proof of what I say because Linda has made my point for me and has shown what I have tried to fight for years. I think the boys believe her about this also. If they can believe a lie that is so simple to expose, is there any wonder they believe other outrageous things she has said? How would a father stand a chance against such influence? .....So HE the JUDGE put this in the final order because he found it very interesting OK, have to stop there or we would get lost. NO. he put that in the order because you protested about it so, and he wanted to appease you and move on. I had no problem with it in the order and neither did my attorney, there was no objections of adding a matter of fact in the order. that all of a sudden Bruce gave you the orchard, truck trailer Porsche which you bought for him and sat there and said I don't own anything and have no income.. and gave it all away so thre is nothing for his sons No Linda, the record is public and the judge never had any such question. Those came from you when you presented your case. You add them here and no doubt speak about this like it is a matter of fact. If someone was not there or did not have the audio record, they may believe your lies, why would they not? What sane person would lie about such a thing? Then you ad this stuff about nothing for the boys? As the court investigator said in her report after interviewing you, you are more interested in money than in the boys welfare....Keep
posting all your pictures as the two of you are together and prob sitll married Now, in just a very few sentences you went from saying there was no divorce to saying, maybe??? If you don’t know, why say anything at all? it is interesting that you continue to go to Jans websites. The last time you did that from a Government computer and presented a bunch of printed pages from it, you were fired from your job which I don't care but quit the lying and harassing of these boys If Jan has lied about something then list them linda. Number all those lies you speak about, shut her up, defend yourself and document the truth! Show the proof of your allegations! Now you stoop so low as to accuse Jan of harassment? Just come out and say it Linda, you hate Jan, always have, end of story!...They are great young men and their dad has missed out because of YOU Yep, there it is sure enough, Jan the step mother is the problem. The PA was going on long before Jan but indeed, marrying a smart and attractive LADY, sure brought out the jealousy and anger in Linda. Linda moved out and left the boys because she wanted a new man but she sure didn’t want anyone to have her old one. He chose YOU over his own sons and now is guilty for doing so Guilty of what? You made the orchard go away like you threatened and you broke up the marriage with your PA, you should be happy, why should I be guilty of anything other than being naive about the effect of Parental Alienation at the time. ....You yourself made terrible accusations against Dakota NO LINDA, NO ALIGATIONS, the TRUTH and that is DOCUMENTED with the interview in the commissioner chambers. You are sick to deny this, evil in your attempt to lie about the truth and doing a great disservice to Dakota and put cameras in your house.. You are a sick women
and point that finger at yourself Wow, incredible and disgusting
and look in the mirror...Hmmm how many times have you been married??? your a black widow spider that takes what she can and moves on to the next victim Man, you go Linda, hissssssssssss..The stress that Bruce talks about is from you and your games Hmmm, I never said that, hmmm, not at all. Yet Linda has no problem putting words in my mouth... Leave us all alone and get a life besides posting all this on the internet Did you see the last Blog I posted from a different site? It also talks about how the crazy ex will speak about the children and her being one and the same with them. Linda sure backs that one up here.........
The judge knew Bruce was lying O-my word, so now the judge knows I was lying but did nothing about it, how unbelievable and crazy is this???so that was put in the final order which gave me the opportunity to open the case back up if I wanted too...If linda really believed what she says, she would have done so in a heartbeat! It is easy to trot on down to the court house and see if someone is married. But no, Linda has no documentation of any of the accusations she makes, it’s just her words, she likes them, they sound good to her, and she repeats them out loud like they are the truth. Mind you, she does so without guilt or remorse, in her mind, she believes her own words. Leave us all alone and move on with your LIFE.. .....Again, mother and children are still attached
Bruce is the one who had the attorney and I did not so quit blaming all this on me...What is this all about and where did that come from? I didn't write the order the judge did So, he wrote it as you asked, You wanted the opportunity to go after Jans income for child support if you could. He granted that to you. Jan just pointed out that YOU where wanting to get child support money from Jan ....STOP THE HARRASSMENT man, again with the word you love to use when the truth is presented. Truth = Harassment in Linda’s mind.... Do yourselves a favor and stop What favor would it be to cover up the truth? So the boys could not hear the truth and investigate for themselves? All the boys need is to ask themselves questions. If they wish for the truth then it is easy to see. If they don’t, then that is again their choice, but at least they will have a choice. ...as the good christians you say you are your actions are a DISCRACE to those who really are..Interesting attack, but not something that I need to judge. The boys and anyone else can form an opinion about this pretty quickly REMEMBER 2012 IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER...If you had nothing to hide this wouldn't bother you so terribly bad Well, that is twisted! Where did it come from? Did I miss something in Jans blog about her being upset about the end of the world? Maybe it was me??? Well, I am concerned about the state of the world but not at the second coming of Christ. I know that will happen and it will be a day to rejoice in! hmmm, no one will be able to hide anything then, no body, not for any reason ...Deducate your lives to good things and not bad Attempting to save or repair a relationship with my sons by providing the truth is a good thing. An effort to educate others about the EVILS of Parental Alienation is a good thing. Trying to make changes in the family court system and hold officials and lawyers responsible for their wrong actions is a good thing. Trying to expose the abuse of children by this system and make correcting changes, is a good thing. Many people are fighting this same fight for the same reasons I am. I thank Jan for caring enough about the boys to put aside the attacks from you, the make believe friends and the little gang banger and continue to make FACTUAL posts.... All these blogs only put a wedge between those boys and their father further and further If the truth does that then so be it. If they are afraid of you and afraid of the truth, then nothing will change. If they are so intertwined and dependent on you at this time, then a truthful conversation is impossible. If they can’t handle the truth now, then I will wait until they grow up. I will always be here and I will always be inside them, I will always be their Dad, you can’t take that away, I have the photos and lasting memories and that's exactly what you want...Bruce will bash Colton for his grades Bash Colton??? Gosh…unbelievable, now Colton’s poor grades and lousy attendance in school is somehow, something I want to use against Colton? Does anyone not hear those words in her house? Over and over and over…Every day? Can anyone deny the Doctors charges of Parental Alienation? .. He has struggled because of abandonment from his father... Yes that's right abandonment...Now it is my fault, should have known that! I will not take the time here, because I could go on for hours. Really, I think I have, read the archived blogs, it is all there. I don’t think I need to tell anyone what I think of Lindas charges, just read the blogs. Well, then, really, after you finish this letter you will have the idea It has been since Aug of 2009 almost 2 years since he chose not to see Colton anymore Over and over, she will tell him this over and over, every day, day after day, That is why I call Linda sick, twisted and evil, That is why the BLOG, EVILS OF PA....and Bruce finally met with Dakota who is 18 now and hadn't seen him in almost a year and a half...so don't blame me..Nope, we all understand now, linda is never to blame, linda is good, daddy is bad, got it. you two are the aleinators and have caused your own issues...Yep, there it is, the truth is out of the bag now! Jan or me or Jan and me have alienated the boys from???Linda or ourselves??? Is that Parental Alienation, if you turn your children against yourself? Hmmm, that would be dumb. Then, wholly cow, to make it worse, you spend money on court investigations, attorneys, Doctors ect, grind your teeth to nubs and stress out to the point of losing your health….just to make sure the kids really don’t like you…hmmm, all makes sense now I bet you don't post this one as it contains the truth... and you know it Yes linda, your facts and documentations are just overwhelming! .......so Misssy move on There you go Jan, just move on, Linda has spoken!...... I will not waste my time responding to anymore of your garbage GREAT NEWS! I am so glad that linda will not be wasting time on yours or my blog anymore. I bet that means she will stop the boys, Donna and the gang banger also huh.. I have a great life and have better things to do then post nasty things about people... Nasty things? The thing that is nasty is what Linda Kay Clark did to the family, childhood, religious upbringing, relationships and future of my Sons! Nasty and Evil.

Boys, you do what you wish. Look at the truth, and live your life with your heads up high. Work hard, play hard and enjoy life. If you wish a relationship, the door is open, the phone number is the same and the e-mail has not changed, yet.

...

Shrink for Men, repost

2011-05-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have visited the website below and found its information amazing! These Doctors have really cut to the core and exposed PA in and very straight forward way. I will highlight the parts that hit home for me about my ex. If you have remarried, pay real close attention to what I highlighted in red. I wish education and training like this was mandatory in order to get a divorce! Perhaps it would save a new marriage and surly benefit children's futures!

Just to many crazy (Evil) ex wives out there, and then you have the lawyers and judges (court system as a whole) who profit from them at the expense of the children...

Does your Wife or Ex-Wife Have a Golden Uterus Complex? 15 Characteristics of the Golden Uterus

Written by Dr Tara J. Palmatier on May 17, 2011 - 25 Comments
Categories: Abuse, Accountability, Blame, Custody, Divorce, Financial Abuse, High-Conflict, Parental Alienation, Personality Disorders, Professional Victims, Psychological Abuse, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships

Are you frustrated with your wife or ex-wife’s attitude of “I AM THE MOTHER; YOU ARE IRRELEVANT” when it comes to raising your shared children? Does she have an over-inflated sense of self because she’s a mother? Does she believe the mere act of giving birth entitles her to special privileges and gives her absolute, unilateral power over you and the children? If so, your wife/ex-wife/mother of your children may be a golden uterus (GU) and suffer from golden uterus complex (GUC).
Golden uterus may seem like a snide term. It is. In some ways, the term is a backlash against a certain kind of woman/mother who believes she is the end-all-be-all just because she procreated, or rather, just because she procreated with you before anyone else had children with you.
You see, GUs only revere their own uteruses and motherhood. They’re dismissive of other mothers and their children; especially if they’re second or third wives. They take pride in the fact that they were the first wives; while ignoring the reality that they were such bad wives that their husbands divorced them.
Golden uteruses, despite the sense of superiority and entitlement they derive from the title “mother,” are typically lousy parents if not downright abusive parents. GUs are often the high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered parental alienators. They are the women who expect others, including their own children, to sacrifice everything at the altars they erect to themselves. Golden uteruses lay golden eggs (children) and milk their motherhood, the children and you for all you’re worth.
Here are some characteristics of the golden uterus mom:
1. GU and child are one and the same. The golden uterus child isn’t allowed to have his or her own feelings and opinions. If mommy is sad, then child must be sad. If mommy is mad, then child must be mad. If mommy hates daddy and his new wife; then child must hate daddy and his new wife. If mommy has been “wronged;” then child has been wronged.
The golden uterus believes that her best interests and the child’s best interests are synonymous. There is no “you” and “I.” The golden uterus and child are “we.” It’s a crippling symbiosis for the child in that the golden uterus feeds off of her own child to feel important, powerful and special.
2. GU and child are a two-fer. If you want to have your child in your life after you separate or divorce, the GU believes she’s a part of some twisted package deal. A golden uterus doesn’t understand (or refuses to acknowledge) that you can love and have an independent relationship with the children without her in the middle of it. GUs will try to impose themselves into your individual relationships with the children and any new romantic relationships. However, if GU dates and remarries, it’s none of your damn business.
The GU is allowed to move on with her life. You’re expected to remain on ice, poised to mobilize whenever she demands something. When the GU child wants or needs something, you’re expected to drop everything to do the GU’s child’s bidding.
3. Disobedience is abuse to the golden uterus. If the children, father/husband/ex-husband doesn’t heed her demands, the GU perceives it as abuse. If you don’t parent the same way the GU parents (or mis-parents); you’re a bad parent. If you challenge the GU’s decisions, she’ll punish you by denying you access to the kids or taking you to court. “A GU believes that because she gave birth, she has exclusive rights to all decision-making related to said child, no matter what anyone else (including the courts or the father) say” (anonymous source).
This applies to the children, too. If they disobey mom or have the temerity to have their own feelings and opinions (you know, what childhood experts call healthy childhood development) that differ from the GU’s feelings and opinions, it’s an act of high treason. There are consequences for this. The children of GUs learn very early in life what side their bread is buttered. This is what makes PAS possible.
4. GU exceptionalism. Even though humans have been procreating since human history began, the GU believes her pregnancy and childbirth are the most special pregnancy and childbirth ever. Most women will tell you that their pregnancy and the birth of their child was one of the most special events in their lives. They don’t expect it to be the most special event in everyone else’s lives.
Furthermore, should you remarry and have children with your new wife, the GU believes that she and the child(ren) you share with her should take precedence over your current relationship and any new offspring. The GU believes she should always come first and, by association with her, the child you share.
For example, let’s say the child you share is an adult, but you’re still obligated to pay your ex, an adult, spousal support. You remarry and have a child with a medical issue. The GU believes her spousal support should be your first priority instead of paying for the second child’s medical expenses. Twistedly enough, many family courts would support this pathological entitlement and adult dependency. As a retired judge-mediator recently told one of my clients during his divorce settlement: “You have two children. One is 16 and the other is 54 and you’re responsible for both of them because you choose to live in a patriarchal state.” This was a female judge, by the way.
5. Boundaries are for everyone else; boundaries don’t apply to the GU. No boundaries. Bupkis. You must respect the GU’s boundaries, but you’re not allowed to have any boundaries. If you have healthy boundaries, the GU will accuse you of being controlling, withholding, abusive, unresponsive and, naturally, a bad dad.
6. All other child caregivers are irrelevant. Fathers are walking ATMs. A father’s role is to financially and emotionally support the mother (i.e., be her emotional punching bag/doormat and listen to her complain about how hard it is to be a mother). That’s it. Fathers get no real input into how the children are raised.
Step-mothers are less than non-entities. They are to act as servants to the children during visitation and are less than handmaidens to the golden uterus. Step-mothers/girlfriends are intruders and are treated as such. Extended paternal family members are to act as a subservient support system to the GU, that is, if she allows them to have any access to the kids. Extended paternal family members are also expected to side with the GU over their own flesh and blood and to dispense cash for the GU’s children’s “needs.”
7. Once you have sex with a GU, she owns you for life. The golden uterus believes that if she gave birth to your children, you are “connected for life.” She should always come first (even if you’ve both remarried) and YOU OWE HER until death you do part.
This also applies to the children. GUs wield guilt over their children with staggering virtuosity. “I am your mother. I carried you for 9 months. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever break our bond. No one will ever come between us. I CARRIED you in my WOMB for NINE months. YOU can NEVER do that for me.”
When the children become adults, the GU still believes she should come first in her adult children’s lives and take precedence over their spouses and children. A GU’s children owe her because she is their mother. This is just so sick and twisted. Unlike an ex-husband who can break free of this death grip; many GU kids are indoctrinated into the GU’s warped belief system and it’s extremely difficult for them to break free. If they reject the GU’s distorted belief system and abuses, they’re treated like public enemy number one and may even be disowned by the GU, which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing. Nevertheless, it’s terrifying for many children and adult children to contemplate.
This is a perversion of parenthood. These are often the women who get pregnant so that they’ll have “someone who’ll love [me] unconditionally.” They fail to understand that it’s the parent who’s supposed to meet the child’s love and safety needs and not the other way around.
8. GUs like to take kissy duck face make-out photos with their children. Facebook addicted GUs like to post kissy-duck face-make-out photos with their child(ren). It’s rather like manic, digital age pietas. “Look at meeee and my child who loves meeee! See! We’re so close we’re more like best friennnnnds!” Boundaries, shmoundaries.
These photos are similar in nature to the photos drunken college girls take of themselves with their arms wrapped around each other and their faces pressed together. Whenever I see a photo of a mother with her child in a lip lock-bear hug with a Joker smile, I think: ENMESHED GU.
9. Golden uterus mothers are feeeeeeelers. The golden uterus believes that her emotions are reason enough for any action, no matter how despicable. In fact, the GU’s feelings often trump what’s really in the child’s best interests.
For example, “I’m angry with your father” means the children are denied access to their father. Cutting the other parent out of a child’s life is rarely in the child’s best interests. However, the GU is feeeeeeling angry, wronged, ignored, disrespected, challenged, etc., so that becomes her justification to attack and/or punish others—even if her actions violate a court order.
10. Once the GU gives birth, her “job” is done. “GUs believe that simply birthing a child is all they’re responsible for as a contribution to the parenting, raising and welfare of their child. From the moment the child emerges from her hallowed trough, it is solely on the father to provide all for both her and the child” (anonymous source).
Once a GU gives birth, she has her own little foot soldier to weaponize and use as a control device over the child’s father and family. This is when many of these women choose not to return to work. By giving birth, the GU essentially has her husband over a barrel. She knows it and she uses it.
11. Children are possessions; not their own persons. “The GU views the child as her possession. The GU will take all the kudos for birthing a child, but none of the responsibility. If someone tries to point out the discrepancies, the GU will will heave out emotional garbage to cover up their horrible parenting. The GU only views the child in context to herself. Everything is about her” (anonymous source).
12. The GU uses motherhood as an excuse. “Becoming a ‘mother’ is the GU’s excuse for EVERYTHING. She can’t work because ‘mothers don’t work.’ My husband HAS to give her all of his money because she’s the mother of his ONLY child. She lost all identity as a woman and used becoming a mother as her free ride in life” (anonymous source).
Even after their children are in school full-time, GUs still use the kids and being a mother as an excuse not to work outside the home and often not to work inside the home. “You have no idea how stressful it is being a mom.” Um, the kids are in school all day. What do you do with your time? “You always minimize all the hard work I do. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.” Um, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink when I get home from work in the evening. The laundry is piled up and the kids haven’t done their homework. What did you do all day? “HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME. I’m THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!”
13. GUs are self-appointed parenting experts. Despite the fact that her parenting behaviors should be used as an example in How NOT to Parent 101, “the golden uterus believes that having birthed a child makes them better and more knowledgeable than others; e.g., the “Well you don’t have kids so how would you know anything?” woman (anonymous source). If you should dare challenge the GU’s parenting skills and superior authority, see number 3 above.
14. Motherhood is a title and a power trip. “The golden uterus views mothering as a title rather than a relationship and a set of behaviors. Mothering requires selflessness at times. It requires sacrifice at times. It requires paying attention to the child and putting your time and energy into meeting their needs, which also requires seeing the child as a unique and separate individual from yourself, not a mirror of your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. A golden uterus mother fails at mothering and instead uses her title to extort things from others ‘in the name of the child.’ Essentially, they use their offspring as a way to get their own needs met” (anonymous source).
15. The GU is never wrong. “The golden uterus seems to expect that they get a total free pass on accountability for their own behavior. I have often told my husband that his ex lives on a one way street paved in double standards. Her own bad behavior is to be overlooked. Yet she will attempt to crucify him for any and all perceived weaknesses or ‘failures.’ She is judge and jury and quick to condemn my husband (and me, for that matter) yet she can do no wrong” (anonymous source).
What can you do if the mother of your children has a golden uterus complex?
There’s nothing you can do to change her. Nothing. She’s highly unlikely to see the light and morph into a reasonable human being and good mother. Your goal, as with all high-conflict abusive types, should be containment. You accomplish containment through establishing iron-clad boundaries. Learn to say no and then practice deafening your ears to the caterwauling.
Don’t let her use your children as an extortion mechanism. Don’t allow the children to view you as a human ATM machine. In other words, don’t reward your children’s bad behavior with money, gifts, trips and other goodies, otherwise, they will view you the same way that their mother does. I know many fathers are desperate for time with their children and use toys and expensive entertainment as bait. Trust me, this is not the relationship you want with your children. It’s a quick path to time with them, but it’s an unhealthy and impermanent one.
Decide exactly how much bad behavior you’re willing to to tolerate from your ex and what offenses you want to pursue in court. Forget about co-parenting with a GU; it’s next to impossible. You will be less frustrated if you try to parallel parent. A GU will undermine you at nearly every turn. Expect it and plan for it.
Don’t put your current wife/girlfriend in the middle and don’t tolerate your ex or your children disrespecting her. Demand respect for yourself and your loved ones. If your ex and the kids violate these boundaries, find appropriate consequences for their violations.
Finally, don’t drink the golden uterus’ kool-aid. The fact that you once had a relationship with her/share a child does not bind you together for life. Just because she wants this to be the truth doesn’t make it so. Just because your ex has chosen to define herself by a failed relationship and 36 hours in a delivery room doesn’t mean you have to do the same. GUs are legends in their own minds and their own worst enemies. Minimize contact and try to foster healthy boundaries, values and senses of self in your children during the time you have them and hope it sticks.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Gang bangers and Parental Alienation

2011-05-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

It seems the conversation here has turned to my gang banger comments. So let me get that out of the way because it is only one consequence of PAS. Gangs, drugs, poor manners and neglect are an appalling result of poor parenting. Kids do not grow up dreaming of smoking pot, doing drugs, stealing and prostituting themselves. The need they develop is out of a basic need for love and belonging, for a family atmosphere, and they get that in the organization of the so called gang clans. Understand that these kids are not only looking for love but they are very weak minded and easy to influence because of their damaged mental state. There can be no doubt but that Parental Alienation is Evil. It destroys and forever alters the way a child’s mind develops. There will always be children that are lacking the spirit within them, and they will rebel and stray away from the truth. Efforts to enlighten them, help them and guide them will be resisted (perhaps resented) because they lack strength, they lack the inter strength and character for what ever reason and PA is just one of many issues effecting their minds.

I have known gangs, known gang members have protected some in my past because as tough of an image they try to portray, when the rubber hits the road, 99.9 % of them are just cowards inside. Their smack talk becomes cries for help when they are confronted. They run for safety of men or women that they know are honorable people. They do so because they know these people will stand up when they cannot. It is the fact that responsible citizens standing for the truth and confronting the mindless pack of dogs, is what keeps our society intact. When confronted publicly, 4-5 cowards will walk away from one virtuous man or woman. Yet even cowardly, homeless dogs find strength in a pack and that is what a gang is. It is only a force when it has a large following. Gutless, spineless and pathetic animals will gravitate towards each other in an effort to cover for each of their weakness. In a pack or gang, it takes a lot of warm bodies in an attempt to fill such a void.

Where animals do not have a parent for long, most children are different. There are cases where kids don’t know their father and their mother is a whore and drug addict. For those, only God and can help them through his church on earth.

This brings me to the core of the problem with our world, we have pushed God out.

Children are not born with moral values and concepts, they learn them at home and in the church.

Ephesians 4 -14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blow here and there by wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love.

Infants, contrast to maturity. Teaching, then as now, there are many distorted teachings. Deceitful scheming, not innocently misguided but deliberately deceitful and evil.

We all need God and Jesus Christ in our life to survive! There would be no PA, there would be no gangs, there would be no family crises of any kind if the family (the father as the leader and the mother as his companion and supporter) would follow the simple teachings in the bible. It is there for anyone at any time to read. Many good study bibles are easier to read and understand. Churches have information pamphlets available and bible study class before the regular services. To attend such classes that discuss family issues is a great way to stay on the correct path with your children. The support you can get from your church members and those of all ages and experiences who attend your class, is invaluable! BUT, to be successful, you must attend as a family! Mother and Father united and directed by what they learn in the church. Children need to be educated in Sabbath class, to the words and teachings of Jesus Christ.

I thought it fitting to include the two quotes below.

"It should be your care, therefore, and mine, to elevate the minds of our children and exalt their courage; to accelerate and animate their industry and activity; to excite in them an habitual contempt of meanness, abhorrence of injustice and inhumanity, and an ambition to excel in every capacity, faculty, and virtue. If we suffer their minds to grovel and creep in infancy, they will grovel all their lives." --John Adams, Dissertation on the Canon and Feudal Law, 1756

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The result and consequences of (Evils of Parental Alienation).

2011-05-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Below is an un-published comment left on Jans site” http://www.secondhandwife.blogspot.com/” She sent me the comment because of its content and language. She made it very clear that this type of language and threats were not going to be posted as a comment on her blog. I feel 99.9% sure it was left by my youngest son Colton. Therefore I will address it as such and point to the life changes that can take place when a parent or parents practice “Parental Alienation” on their children.

This will be a long blog and will be very enlightening as to the tragic effects of PA. I encourage everyone to read it and forward it to anyone you care about because if this has not happened in your family, it has or will affect people you know and love.

Because of the language and threats please view the comment in red below with caution. No one deserves to be attack in such a manner for any reason. Jan (Colton’s step mother) was nothing but a loving and supporting step mother to all my sons. I thank Jan for that and for her continued efforts to present the truth in hopes of bettering my family relationships in the future. Truth is the only way to confront anger and education the only way to address ignorance.

It is my responsibility to address my sons actions and words below in an attempt to correct him and help others who must deal with the evils of parental alienation. I do so to impede this destructive path he is on, and with God’s help, save his future. I and others can only try. It is his heart that has to be open. He must let go of the pain, blame and anger. He must confront himself with not only the truth, but how he wants his life to proceed. It is a huge undertaking for a young man (14 years old at this writing) and he will have to be strong in order to apologize to himself for his words, anger and self destructive views. Colton can chose to live a life of torment and disappointment or to change and become a Man. A man who takes responsibility for his own life and desires to have a full and happy life with good relationships with all his family members. A happy productive and full life is not beyond his reach. Such a goal and desire is within all of us. We all chose our own path. “For me and my house, we will follow the Lord”

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Definitions of Parental Alienation (The Mother wil...":

Noooo life is what you have, you noob, wannabe blogger, u BK random (BK-bad kid) 1v1 me if u think your good or sumtin foo, u aint got shit on me holmes no way brah, i live my life a quater of a mile at a time, for those 10 secondss or less im free. CHEERS BITCH. or CUnt or slut or whore or watever the fuck u r. did u like that little ryhme cuz if u give me some time ill get u a dime and u can shove it where the sun dont shine. -ME not u, not someone u copy, and just for the record for all that read this just know u r reading somthing not worth ur time only this fake ass hoe and u just wasted time reading this than being with ur familia aka family or maybe u already knew wat that ment so i laugh at u and dispise u as a living being and scorn u for wasting good oxygen by breathing in this beautiful earth that will be still heere for centuries to come and would love it if u didnt breath its oxygen. thank you and goodnight asta laveesta bitch would love to see wat u no lifes have to comment back cuz i am a walking nightmare and u sure dont wanna fuk wit me u white ass cracker/redneck hoe bag. Peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

It is hard for me to see the transformation in my son. I believe he is at an all time low in his life and that is very sad. He should be enjoying school, friends and family, not writing trash like a little gang banger. I loathe those gang banger types and that is a character weakness in me. Everyone that knows me understands my position. I consider gang bangers to be just small minded scared children that have no direction in life. They make up words and use foul language in an effort to display how tough they think they are. In reality, they are losers in life. Children that for whatever reason have no love or compassion and feel just the opposite of what they try to portray, they are scared of life. They are lost and find comfort in companionship with those who are in the same frame of mind. Often this happens in homes that are devoid of love and discipline. Still, as much as their parents are at fault, it is the child that has the ultimate and final say as to who they will associate with and whom they will look up to as role models. There are many more good examples to follow then there are poor examples. All of these kids know people like older brothers/sisters, teachers, church members, athletes and stand up citizens in the community that they can get support from. The choice is theirs as to whom to follow. The problem lies in the fact that when kids feel wronged, they will chose a relationship or action that they know, will hurt the parent they are angry or disappointed with. The end result of such a path, only hurts the child and adversely effects their future. As the saying goes, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” For me…to waste a child is just terrible.

The language used in the comment is not that of a son I raised. Threats of any kind by a child is not acceptable and a threat by a young man to a lady is inexcusable. Such threats demonstrates a childlike/bullying action, fitting of a weak minded gang banger. Whoever wrote the comment has a trouble soul indeed. The good news is, a soul desires to be good and live a happy full life. The spirit is always with a hurting soul, the true and enjoyable spirit is steadfast, one only has to ask for help and seek redemption.

During a meeting with the commissioner, she referred to the boys as well mannered, (in my full custody at the time) polite and well spoken. What a huge change in 2 short years while in the custody of a mother that preaches hate for their step mother and their father. Coltons grades dropped from a 3.56 gpa with excellent attendance, to so far this year, 30 days absent, 20 more tardy times and a gpa of 2.4 This happened in the time he has been with his mother. This is not love for a child! Children need guild lines to keep them safe and to show them that their parent or parents love them enough to do the tough job of being a responsible parent. This is the type of love a gang banger child is missing, missing and begging for!

A child does not make the type of conversion you see unfolding here on his or her own. As the photos below (and in many places in this blog) will prove, Colton had a very loving home (with Jan and I) and experienced many family functions. Ones that I believe he is missing now and that void is being filled with anger and rebellion. This is seen in his school work, his language, manners an alleged pot use. This child is crying out for discipline and a direction in life.

An alienating parent very seldom has a structured home. His or her goal revolves around anger and revenge for some perceived wrong by their ex. In my case Linda left me and the boys for a party life style and another man. This is not all that uncommon and cheating on your spouse happens much to often. Sometimes this indiscretion can be overcome and the marriage and family can survive. I was used to fund the adventure and asked to lie to the children as to why their mother was not home. I regret that, as a lie is never good, even if the intention was. I wanted to spare the children the truth and did so until now. But still, they knew what happened because their mother had a boy friend next door to the house I helped her buy. I understand that they became engaged shortly after but I don’t know that for a fact. I do know that she had many boyfriends in and out, spending the night and even left the children alone while she went out on dates. I know because she sent me e-mails bragging about “young men standing in line”. Many people saw her out on the town, partying and gambling until all her money was gone. She lost her many cars, her house and filed for bankruptcy protection. Indeed while I and Jan were at dinner with friends, Linda was playing pool in the next room while the boys were in her care, at home, alone. Information from Cowichee now is that her married boyfriends divorce was final…and so is her relationship with him now. Go figure. According to what was placed on face book, her priority is dating and not family. I think this has hurt Colton very much. As mean as she had been to him while he lived with Jan and I, (denying him sport practices, ranch vacations and threatening to abandon on the side of the road) he still craved the love of his mother. I think he has been disappointed in the outcome and believes he has lost the love of his father and family members also. This insecurity is understandable under the circumstances. Yet the door opens or closes both ways. Colton is old enough and smart enough (even if his grades do not reflect that now) to digest the truth. He does not need to resent his mother for her actions or behavior or let her actions diminish his love for her, but he need to understand that his anger toward Jan and I is very misplaced. It does not matter that he was told how I was abusive and Jan somehow aggravated his mother, the truth is inside him, perhaps hidden at the moment but still, IT IS IN HIM. It is in your child also. At some point your child will see the truth and understand what really happened. The hard part is...will they be strong enough to make an effort to restore the relationship or not.

Reconciliation does not have to come in a form of apology.It only needs honest actions of love on everyones part.

After looking at all the photos above, do you think they were taken by an abusive father or uncaring step mother? Can you see all the activities that are for the boys? All the healthy out door events and get togethers? All the family times? All the travels and fun that is part of a family growing together? We loved each other and it shows in everyone of these photos!

Let no one say other wise!

ps...I don't see a gang banger in any of them.

Below is a must read. The bible is full of advise for fathers and families. Without His guidance, there is no family. Read this and then the explanations below and perhaps we all will come to a better understanding of a fathers role.

Just a Dad....

For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever,.... That is, bring his judgments upon them, which should continue on them to their utter destruction; this, as to the substance, he said before by the man of God:

for the iniquity which he knoweth; for the iniquity of his sons, which he thoroughly informed of, and fully acquainted with by others; and somewhat of which he must have been sensible of, and seen with his own eyes, and therefore was inexcusable:

because his sons made themselves vile; mean and contemptible in the sight of men, abhorred and accursed in the sight of God, by taking the flesh of the sacrifices of the people, which did not belong to them, who came to sacrifice, and by debauching the women that came to the door of the tabernacle for religious service. It is said this clause was originally written, "because his sons made light of me"; or cursed the Lord, and is one of the eighteen places called the correction of the Scribes, who corrected it as we have it; and it may be observed, the Septuagint version is, "because his sons spake ill of God"; or cursed him; however, this they did, they preferred their lusts, and the indulging of them, to the honour and glory of God: this Eli knew:

and he restrained them not; from their evil practices; he did not make use of his authority, neither as a father, and especially not as high priest, and the judge of Israel, who ought not only to have sharply reproved them, which he did not, but to have censured or punished them, and turned them out of their office: "or did not frown upon them" (t), as in the margin of our Bibles; he did not knit his brows, or wrinkle up his face, and by his countenance show his displeasure at their proceedings, but in an easy, smooth, gentle manner, expostulated with them about them.

3:13 Restrained them not - He contented himself with a cold reproof, and did not punish, and effectually restrain them. They who can, and do not restrain others from sin, make themselves partakers of the guilt. Those in authority will have a great deal to answer for, if the sword they bear be not a terror to evil - doers.

King James Translators' Notes

For I...: or, And I will tell him

vile: or, accursed

restrained...: Heb. frowned not upon them

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

3:11-18 What a great deal of guilt and corruption is there in us, concerning which we may say, It is the iniquity which our own heart knoweth; we are conscious to ourselves of it! Those who do not restrain the sins of others, when it is in their power to do it, make themselves partakers of the guilt, and will be charged as joining in it. In his remarkable answer to this awful sentence, Eli acknowledged that the Lord had a right to do as he saw good, being assured that he would do nothing wrong. The meekness, patience, and humility contained in those words, show that he was truly repentant; he accepted the punishment of his sin.

<< 1 Samuel 3:13 >>

New International Version (©1984)
For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.

New Living Translation (©2007)
I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn't disciplined them.

English Standard Version (©2001)
And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
I told him that I would hand down a permanent judgment against his household because he knew about his sons' sin-that they were cursing God-but he didn't try to stop them.

King James Bible
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

American King James Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knows; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

American Standard Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons did bring a curse upon themselves, and he restrained them not.

Bible in Basic English
And you are to say to him that I will send punishment on his family for ever, for the sin which he had knowledge of; because his sons have been cursing God and he had no control over them.

Douay-Rheims Bible
For I have foretold unto him, that I will judge his house for ever, for iniquity, because he knew that his sons did wickedly, and did not chastise them.

Darby Bible Translation
For I have declared to him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he hath known: because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

English Revised Version
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons did bring a curse upon themselves, and he restrained them not.

Webster's Bible Translation
For I have told him, that I will judge his house for ever, for the iniquity which he knoweth: because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

World English Bible
For I have told him that I will judge his house forever, for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves, and he didn't restrain them.

Young's Literal Translation
and I have declared to him that I am judging his house -- to the age, for the iniquity which he hath known, for his sons are making themselves vile, and he hath not restrained them,

Barnes' Notes on the Bible

Made themselves vile - Rather, "have cursed themselves," i. e. brought curses upon themselves.

He restrained them not - In the sense of punishing. He did not remove them from their office, which he ought to have done.

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible

I will judge his house for ever - I will continue to execute judgments upon it till it is destroyed.

His sons made themselves vile - See 1 Samuel 2:12-17, 1 Samuel 2:22-25.

He restrained them not - He did not use his parental and juridical authority to curb them, and prevent the disorders which they committed. See at the conclusion of the chapter, 1 Samuel 3:21 (note).

What is child abuse today?

2011-05-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

Many of the things that made us the greatest generation ever...would now be called child abuse and our parents would have been thrown into jail. We the kids would have been stolen by the court for our own protection and placed in homes where we could grow up fat and lazy with the attitude that everyone owes us something. Kind of like the entitlement mentality that kids and to many young adults have today!

~~~~~~~~~

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE

1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank

while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were

put to sleep on our tummies

in baby cribs covered

with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,

and, when we rode our bikes,

we had baseball caps,

not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.

WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

--And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building

our go-carts out of scraps

and then ride them down the hill,

only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were

no video games, no 150 channels on cable,

no video movies or DVDs,

no surround-sound or CDs,

no cell phones,

no personal computers,

no Internet and no chat rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS

and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut,

broke bones and teeth,

and there were no lawsuits

from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud pies

made from dirt, and

the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and

-although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts

and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn

to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,

problem solvers, and inventors ever.

The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those born

between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,

WE ARE AWESOME !!!

OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!!

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

~~~~~~~

The quote of the month

Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and ignore this.

For the rest of us.....pass this on.

Pulling boys on a sled at Christmas time with a horse and what an attorney called an abusive father

Kaleb, Colton and Dakota riding horses on the beach with a loving step mother who was responsible for and coordinated lots of fun family times.

Josh, Kaleb, Colton and Dakota with Jan having fun. Thank you Jan for buying the snow-machines for us. We all had great times!

The 4 boys being pulled around the driveway behind a crazy man on a tractor.

Child Support and Lawsuit

2011-05-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

NCSEA ACKNOWLEDGES TURNIP CAMPAIGN, CHANGES WEBSITE
LAWSUIT STIRRING COMMENTS, ACTION

Dear Reader;
Much has transpired since our Tuesday communication. Below are updates and opportunities.
Save the Turnips
The Facebook Campaign to confront Child Support Agencies and their inhumane practices toward child support payers is off to a rousing start. Over 300 people ‘liked’ the page in the first 24 hours.   But there’s more…One basis of this campaign is disgust over how child support officials identify child support payers as ‘turnips.’ We provided a link to a National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA) training program titled: “Getting Blood from a Turnip: New Farming Techniques for Increasing Your Yield.”
Apparently folks at NCSEA got the message, sort of. Within hours of the start of the ‘Save the Turnips’ campaign NCSEA programmers had changed the website and pulled the reference to obligors as ‘Turnips.’   Of course, we thought you would like to see those ‘before and after’ alterations. The NCSEA is apparently still farming, just not specifically ‘turnips.’
Would that undoing the decades of damage these people have done to families through their campaigns to vilify child support obligors was as easy as altering a webpage.
Please join in and help. We need to continue to build the group on Facebook. Thanks to everyone who ‘liked’ the page.   If you haven’t already, please go to www.facebook.com/savetheturnips and ‘like’ the page. If you have already ‘liked’ the page then use the button on the page and share it with your friends.   Ask them to visit and ‘like’ the page also.
We know there are literally hundreds of thousands of child support horror stories out there. Tell ‘Save the Turnips’ your story. Take five minutes, video your story, post it to YouTube and send us the link. We’ll connect it to the campaign.
The march has begun and will not stop until poor people are no longer being locked away in jails and prisons simply because they do not have enough money to pay.
We are pleased to let you know several states, including Ohio and Pennsylvania are considering legislation to end the barbaric practice of incarcerating poor people for failure to pay support. Ohio and Pennsylvania are both states that have routinely incarcerated indigent obligors without providing access to legal counsel. While these are positive developments we call on public officials to avoid replacing jail with alternative, but equally punitive, measures. Join the effort to end debtor prisons in America.
Ohio Child Support Class Action Lawsuit
We have heard from many people regarding their experiences with Ohio’s child support collection agencies. For example, a welder residing in Northern Ohio indicated the agency has for years been taking payments for an alleged arrearage and then adding the paid amount to the arrearage (instead of subtracting it), thereby increasing the amount of arrears he allegedly owes. Instead of the arrears being paid in full, according to the state’s Enron style accounting scheme he now owes more than $10,000 in back support. Unless of course he is talking to the local support office in which case they say his arrears balance is in excess of $12,000. D. says three other guys in his shop alone are having similar types of problems.
We’re also hearing similar stories from other states. One came from a 72 year old vet regarding a $175,000 arrearage. At this rate he says he expects garnishments from his social security and disability checks to continue past his 87 birthday. His youngest ‘child’ is over 30.
Attention to the story is increasing, we’ll keep you updated.
A Couple of Recent Rallies to Report
Kids Need 2 Parents hosted a small rally in the North Carolina capitol of Raleigh last weekend.   There are a number of dedicated people working to improve child custody laws in the state. Please add your voice and become engaged. Visit Kids Need 2 parents at www.KN2P.org
Illinois Fathers hosted the 3^rd Annual Fatherless Day Rally at the Capitol in Springfield. About 100 people attended, including several state legislators who expressed their support for Shared Parenting and particularly encouraged legislators to vote in favor of HB 1604 – The Steve Watkins Bill addressing visitation interference.
At the conclusion of the rally a Senate hearing took place on the bill. Over 50 people signed up to testify in favor of the legislation. No vote was taken after the hearing however we are optimistic the bill will come for a vote before the end of the month. Click here and scroll to the 5:56 minute mark of the video to see news coverage of the event. Click here to see one Senator’s comments.
Stay tuned. More is on the way. Please help by forwarding this message.
ACFC

Posting letter from, American Coalition for Fathers and Children

2011-05-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

American Coalition for
Fathers and Children
Shared Parenting - Children Need Both Parents

Join | Donate | Home | Affiliates

MASSIVE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT FILED
SAVE THE TURNIPS

Dear Reader;
On Friday, May 6, 2011 a massive class action lawsuit was filed in the Ohio Court of Claims charging the state has been over collecting funds from child support obligors. The suit further claims the state deliberately conceals from payers the amount they are overpaid by showing zero balances to obligors when they actually have credit balances. Over 114,000 payers have been affected.   The figure represents more than 10% of Ohio’s total child support caseload.
Lead plaintiff, Matt Dunlop, approached ACFC several years ago about this particular problem. The initial phase of a multi-year collaboration culminated in last Friday’s filing.   This case also involves the receipt of improper amounts of federal incentive and reimbursement dollars by the state. The US Attorney has been asked to initiate an investigation.
Read the case filing here.
The initial Associated Press report is here.
Read ACFC’s press release.
You can help by googling lawsuit, ohio and child support, then going to the newspaper websites that are carrying the story and leaving your comments.
SAVE THE TURNIPS
Most people know the term, “you can’t get blood from a turnip.” For over a decade child support enforcement officials have used the term ‘turnip’ to describe poor people who owe child support.   It’s gotten so out of hand that several weeks ago the National Child Support Enforcement Association sponsored a training session called: “Getting Blood from a Turnip: New Farming Techniques for Increasing Your Yield.” Check it out, here’s the link.
We’ve had enough. So we are launching the 'Save the Turnips' campaign on Facebook.  There are tens of thousands of people incarcerated nationwide whose only ‘crime’ is that they are too poor to pay court ordered child support.   It’s time these people are released. It’s time for the ‘deadbeat’ roundups to stop.
Debtor prisons returned to the United States through the family courts. Our comment on debtor prisons in this Associated Press article regarding the Turner case pending before the Supreme Court is here. We are working with several prominent national organizations to raise awareness of this issue and get these people released. More on those efforts in an upcoming newsletter.
Please go to the campaign at this Facebook link. You'll recognize the campaign by the turnip behind bars image. Click on ‘like’ and let all your Facebook friends know about the campaign.   Let’s have several thousand people ‘like’ this page over the next week. Send a message to your Facebook friends and ask them to join the campaign.  Leave your thoughts on the wall.
We will update on efforts to free indigent child support obligors and the Ohio lawsuit through Facebook regularly.
We are always interested in people who want to volunteer, fill out this volunteer form and become engaged. Save the Turnips is the brainchild of Marti Ryan and springs from concern about the treatment her friend is receiving at the hands of the child support system. We appreciate all our supporters. If you would like to contribute to these efforts you can make a donation here. Stay tuned, there is much more on the way. You can help now by forwarding this message to a friend.
Sincerely,
Mike McCormick
To view this message as a webpage or to repost to other websites click here.

A Mother’s Day Thank You from Fathers and Families

2011-05-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

A re-posted e-mail below with my comments at the end

Changing how America handles divorce and separation isn’t easy.

Legislatively, many powerful, well-funded opponents stand in the way of family court reform, including the divorce attorney lobby and some misguided feminist groups.

In the courts, judges and related personnel still cling to old stereotypes about mothers and fathers and to old habits of awarding sole custody based on gender.

In the media, a small percentage of “deadbeat dads” make for great headlines while the vastly larger percentage of loving fathers who work hard to love and support their children go largely unmentioned.

Despite these obstacles, we are making progress. We were instrumental in passing seven different family court reform bills last year and helped introduce bills in eight different states this year. One of our bills, SB 1283, just got signed into law by Arizona Governor Jan Brewer this week. Another, SB 112, is expected to be signed by the Governor of Georgia within the next week or two.

Some of the legislative projects we’re working on include: spousal support reform; child custody reform; discouraging Parental Alienation; fighting confiscatory child support orders for high income earners; protecting minors in family court proceedings; eliminating paternity fraud; opening dependency court hearings to the public; protecting disabled veterans from family court financial abuses; halting child support enforcement abuses; and much more.

But this fight isn’t easy. Led by the National Organization for Women, misguided feminist groups are increasingly concerned about the scope and success of our work, and are fighting us hard. While NOW has certainly done some good things over the course of its 45-year history, its family law positions reinforce the current sole custody norm. These extreme positions serve to reinforce the gender bias of an already imbalanced system, and are way out of touch with how the average woman believes family courts should operate.

That’s one reason among many why we need the multitude of women in our ranks to step forward. We’re mobilizing our membership via our Citizen Lobbyist Program and women’s voices are key. We want your activism, we want your ideas, we want your support.

Please sign up to be a part of our Citizen Lobbyist Program--simply click here and fill out our form, entering “Citizen Lobbyist” in the “How I can help” section.

Effective advocacy and legislative work also requires funding—please consider giving by check or electronically via our secure site at www.fathersandfamilies.org/give.

Thank you for being a part of our successful work and this important social movement.

Together with you in the love of our children,

Glenn Sacks, MA

Executive Director

and

Ned Holstein, M.D., M.S.

Founder and Chair of the Board

I want to thank fathers and families for all the work you do!

They have pointed out and documented my problems with the family court system. Ones like I ran into with Commissioner Swanhart.

Not even my own attorneys are blameless. They, like most are inept. You are just a number and pay check to them. They will portray that they have your interest in mind but in my case, they remained clueless as to what was going on legally! Perhaps that is incorrect, maybe they knew but choose not to rock the boat or risk offending the judge. At any rate, 99% of them are bad at best.

I did get some very enlightened information from one out of state attorney. After finding out just a small portion of how I was being treated by Commissioner Swanhart, he made this observation that really hit the nail on the head;

I’ll bet she is very homely looking and has suffered her own relationship issue. I would bet her man left her for a younger and much more attractive woman. One that did not have the high paying, high profile position that she holds. You show up with an exceptionally good looking women next to you and you both show love and respect for each other…your commissioner took her own pain, jealousy and anger out on you! No way were you going to get a fair hearing! She was taking revenge on her husband through you. Seen it time and time again.

This man was a divorce lawyer for almost 40 years. I think he was right as rain!

As far as Connaughton, in my opinion (and backed up and documented by his lies)…he is just a bottom feeder when it comes to lawyers and that is as low as you can get.

Prefect storm of corruption is what I got from the Yakima Family Court System and my sons suffer for it. Sadly, always will.

Their attitudes of entitlement and mental dependency on their mother may never be overcome. Study the effects of PA and you will see the control that person has over the children’s minds. Brain washing is accomplished in this same way. Repeat what you want instilled into someone’s mind over and over and over. At some point they will submit to this suggestion and once that has occurred, removing or correcting the information is much more difficult than instilling it in the 1st place.

Sad deal…If this is your case, pray and hope, do not bend or compromise.

You must stay true to yourself if you expect them to ever see the truth.

Good Luck!

....

Doctors Comment

2011-05-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

The Doctors Comment is below my remarks

It is nice to know that the people who view this blog are a very diverse crowd. Most are victims of PA or a mental disorder in some manner but we also have those like this doctor who are willing to take the time to contribute to the information posted here.

The point of my blog is that information is the only real way to combat the lies that have been told and drilled into to your children’s minds.

The debate from the good Doctor could be; does the mental illness from a PA practicing parent effect the mental wellness of your children. Or, is it genetic? Look at the practicing parent, does his or her parents suffer from a mental illness? Do they show signs of odd behavior? If so, is it preordained that the children will suffer also?

I maintain that in most cases, we make our own choices. That if your children can get away from the crazy, mentally ill parent, they can grow up with at least a better value structure in life and thus, perhaps, raise and treat their own families better and without the Parental Alienation that effected their own lives, ruined their childhood and maybe adversely effected their future happiness.

Pray for those children, that their minds and their happiness can be filled, made whole and complete with the love of God.

Dr N PHD has left a new comment on your post "Comment posted":

Yes, unfortunately we do learn from our environment. A great example is the poem “Children Learn What They Live”.
However, this poster is not taking into consideration the evidence which clearly shows that BPD, Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, Anxiety/Panic, Depression and a host of other mental illness is proven to be Genetic so with that said, merely showing the children that their mother is suffering from mental illness simply may not work because a percentage of those same children are going to be suffering from a mental illness also.
Sincerely,
Dr. N PHD

Posted by Dr N PHD to Evils Of Parental Alienation at May 4, 2011 6:21 PM

In my case, the doctors words are interesting as my ex was on medication for years, perhaps still is (or should be) and that other doctors point out that her actions indicate a mental problem. All the court documents point to and suggest that she has an extreme anger problem and without a doubt, (documented) practices Parental Alienation and has for years even while we were still married. I was just to blind and to ignorant of this issue to see it.

Yet the sick and evil part that the court systems plays in all of this, is just as disturbing and disguising

The love of grandchildren is such a blessing! It helps to fill the deep holes in your heart.

Comment posted

2011-05-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post this comment because there is good information for us all in it.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "What is Parental Alienation?":

My ex-mother-in-law did this to her 4 children (includes my ex-wife). That woman was not even divorced. My ex-wife grew up thinking this was normal behavior & was trying the same with our 2 children. My kids know now about the ADHD, BP, OCD, ODD, BPD in the maternal family. Getting the kids to the point of recognizing mental illness allows them to "see" these women for what they really are.. evil to the core. Simply make sure their trust in these women is broken, the rest is easy.

A psychologist will jump all over me for suggesting this, but I have concluded that they are too stuck projecting their false reality onto families. Psychologists only feed codependency, that doesn't help the kids. Break their trust by presenting the facts immediately. Then continue to be there & parent your kids.

The courts, psychologists, & droves of "Bitter Fat Divorced Women" (transitional friends) harm children by supporting mentally ill women. Trust in your kids intelligence. My kids know who Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy actually was (Dad). They now live with two witches & show vigilance to their tactics.

Give your kids a copy of "Understanding the Borderline Mother".

Posted by Anonymous to Evils Of Parental Alienation at May 4, 2011 7:58 AM

...

Everyone has a choice

2011-04-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

“Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who have left the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.” (Proverbs 2:12-15, NIV)

Each of us has the ability to choose our daily path, choose wisely!

You'll find that many of the challenges you may be facing – like negativity, stress or ineffective communication – can be overcome by simply investing more time in doing what matters most to you at work and at home.

~David Vittoria

Perhaps time well spent would be reading the bible? Understanding Gods word? Talking with family members? Eating dinner together at the table and visiting about the day’s events?

Perhaps returning to a life that respects others and not quite so focused on one’s self.

What do you think? What matters to you?

Would this simple idea help our families and perhaps positively address the PA issue?

I think so.

Let Grace Season Your Speech!

2011-04-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

It is very simple, if we all followed Gods word, there would be no family court system. If we followed this simple subject line, there would be no parental alienation. If we would open our hearts and let God guild our words, thoughts and actions, there would be no family hurt.

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14, NIV) How will you respond today if someone insults you or speaks rudely to you? Let grace season your speech like salt or pepper flavors food. Refrain from going on the offensive with your words. Be gentle. Let Christ be your perfect guide. Imitate Him in all areas of your life. Let your words be an asset, not a liability as you serve Him

Like goats on a dam, one wrong step (one cross word) and you fall a long ways...

Mistakes, are they that hard to deal with?

2011-04-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Below is a mailer I get, so you can click on the link and go to their website.

It deals with employees but applies to us all.

How to Deal with Mistakes

Let’s face it. Mistakes occur. And when they do, there are five basic response options, five different approaches you and your team members can take:

You can ignore it. (The I-Couldn’t-Care-Less Approach)
You can hide it. (The Cover-Up Approach)
You can blame others. (The Deflection Approach)
You can blame circumstances. (The Excuses Approach)
You can admit to it, fix it, and learn from it – accepting any appropriate consequences like an adult.

Care to guess what approach that last one is? It’s The RESPONSIBLE Approach!
..
How about "Cowboy up!"

And the Yearly Harassment from Linda Clark continues.

2011-04-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last year at tax time Linda mistakenly (nice word for lied) claimed Dakota on her tax returns as well as Colton. But the fact is, her attorney wrote the document and it was stated and agreed upon in open court that Linda would claim Colton and I would claim Dakota for tax reasons. This will give Linda the advantage of using the deduction for 3 or 4 years longer than me. OK, that is fine, I did not protest anything or ask for alternating years…But this is not good enough for Linda as she lied last year when claiming Dakota. This year because I over looked the new child support agreement, Linda will get all the child tax credits even though I pay all the support! I have told you all before to never trust a lawyer and yet I make that mistake over and over in this case. Thank goodness I pay more attention to documents in my job, or I would be fired! I think that I just get blind when it comes to my own family court case. I just don't want to deal with it. Anyway, that is always a mistake and will just cost me more time and money again.

Everyone must understand that my ex wife, the boys mother, did lie last year on her federal tax form (claiming that I was late with a support payment. Documents from the WSSR were necessary to to demonstrate to the IRS that my return was truthful) If you can blatantly lie on a federal income tax form with such disregard and openness, how can anyone question but what she has willing lied to her attorney, to the court, the community and mostly, to her own sons!

She planed her most resent attacks on me while her youngest and most vulnerable son (that is in her custody) struggles in school and his personal life, yet she does nothing to help him!

Any rational and reasonable person would adjust their anger and priorities, in order to help her son. And yet as it has been shown on this Blog, people with mental disorders cannot see or understand facts that are before them. I know that the BPD is a huge factor her, and that with kids, parental alienation has a over whelming impact on their views, but documented facts cannot be disputed!

I have also became aware that the child protection agency has recently sent Linda some kind of letter. I can only surmise that it has something to do with the exorbitant absents of her youngest son from school and perhaps the issues revolving around a grade point average that has dropped so significantly in such a short time.

It is no wonder that her attacks and harassment toward myself and others, corresponds with her receiving such a letter. This is standard with those who have a disorder. They cannot look inward objectively, they can only attempt to change the focus from themselves to others and do so with outlandish and hateful allegations.

If you are in this same type of viscous circle with your ex wife and can’t understand what is happening to you, you are not alone!

I don’t care about her (the ex wife Linda) I have come to expect this type of stuff from her though. Still, I will not condone it, I will not roll over or bend over, I must…just deal with it. It is my sons, the ones she has always attempted to alienate from me that concerns me. She has been successful in her goal, there is no doubt about that. Still, they are older now and should be able to recall all the stuff she has been said and how I finally had to show them the e-mails in my own defense against her lies. Perhaps I will need to do this again with all my saved court documents. I think they are to the point in their own lives where they must MAN up and acknowledge the facts.

Please say a prayer for us all.

….